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AIM
• Kagato360
E-mail
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Vitals
Birthday
• 1990-02-12
Gender
•
Male
Location
• in my own little universe, the entrance to which is somewhere in inkster michigan
Member Since
• 2005-03-25
Occupation
• slacker/writer/brooding mystic/spaz/idiot/confused wandering lost soul/puppy [in joke] Straight, brown haired Eiri Yuki
Real Name
• J-D, Got it memorized?
Personal
Achievements
• i've managed to spend 10 years in school and never had a girlfriend, thats an achievment in its sadness. but i've been in school 12 years now...
Anime Fan Since
• i first saw Gundam Wing
Favorite Anime
• Chobits, Gundam Seed,excel saga, Bleach, Naruto, Ergo Proxy, Blood +, Myhthical Dectective Loki Ragnarok, Makai Senki Disgaea, Tokko, Pucca, Gravitation, Ikki Tousen, Full Metal Panic, Kare Kano, Blue Gender, GITS, Cromartie High, inuyasha,.hack,kenshin,
Goals
• to gain good friends and to meet up with "someone" over the summer.
Hobbies
• writing my Flamer Fic, surfin' the net, training with various weapons
Talents
• annoying people, being crafty in times of trouble
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Saturday, May 5, 2007
i'll always be me.
well today i cried for the first time in a long time, so that was just peachy-great. i guess i still have a little emo and melodrama left in me.
what happened was that i basically spend ALL my time yesterday working on my drawings for my speach in public speaking, i was up till like midnight or 1, and i really had my heart set on doing this and it being really awesome! some of the lines were a bit risky but Weiss pre-read them before calling me up and had no problems i guess, but upon me hgoing up there she cut me off mid-way through, which really hurt me because i spend a huge amount of time on this, and she got my hopes up just to destroy them, the only reason i got cut off was because the kids in the audience were being immature shit-heads, so i got censored and that really crushed me, i felt my heart just sink, my dream was denied, all my romanticized ideas about this speach torn away, so i just collected my drawing and went back to my seat, put my head down and began sobbing, after some other jack-ass went up and slaughtered theit speach by sounding illiterate and confused i just excused myself from the room and cried into my hands in the hall, a few people tried to consoul me, which was very nice, but really then i just wanted to cry. after so i cried until the bell, then dried my eyes, got my stuff and went to my next class. well apperently word travels fast, because i started getting requests to see my drawings, and i must say i got great reviews. so i pretty much turned myself into a cult artist in one easy week of back-breaking drawing and a lot of tears. oh well, after i stopped crying i couldn't really be sad anymore, because no matter what i always have one thing on my mind that makes me happy, one person, my lover, so i can no longer be truly sad.
see my sadness is a quiet desperation, so i try to dwell on it so i'll have outward symptoms and people will console me, which i know is a bad idea, but i'm a drama king so oh well. but really i couldn't force anything, because sadness turned into loneliness [and even my loneliness turns into strength, when i think of her] that being me wishing Bev was there to embrace me, to hold me and tell me to be happy, to be her sweet and nurturing self to me, i'd do anything to talk to her, and its beyond my comprehention what i'd do to feel her. so basically i stopped being sad and started getting lovesick, which is really my natural state, so after that no one was worried about my anymore, my group was nice to me in both classes after, its nice to know that the students are less horrible than the staff.
so thats it, i will not forgive Weiss for this, i said it last year but it seemed this year she was nicer because i'm older, but nope, so no more chances, i'll shun her like she shunned me, to just put someone out like that, bad taste. i won't be all screaming bitch to her, just calm, deep and quiet, i'll tell her she slighted me in a way i cannot forgive her for, and if she attempts to talk to me i'll just give short dismissive answers.
other than today was good, i finally got DVR so i'm now able to record my favorite shows that are on at difficult times, i saw SpiderMan 3 then went home, watched GTO, wrote some more AP, then talked to my lover.
i'm perfectly fine now, i know where my ill-feelings go and i know the upsides of losing, i now have pity and fans, i got a lot of drawing practice and i'm sure this expanded my imagination and creative abilities even further. plus i'll always have Beverly to kiss away my tears, to heal my wounds and to hold me when i feel the lowest, most scared and broken. if i can make it through these few years ahead i can do anything, for a person who lives for love and affection to live without it for the majority of his time and still be happy, for a person who is addicted to himself to go 20 or so days without servicing his needs, i'm becoming a better person because of the pains i feel. and i will conquer the tesat they call life.
-Quote-
"whenever i think of you, when i'm really lovestruck and can't escape the feeling i always imagine the same thing, i get the same feeling and mental image... i see myself wrapped in a rose-thorn vine, the points piercing my body, but not in a bloody realistic way, and those piercings are what cause me to close my eyes and shudder while i hug myself and place by hands over my heart, where i'm always bound by the multiple thorns of love. love for me isn't a single arrow's point, its the thousands on those vines."
-me explaining my romantic thoughts to Bev. [she loves my unrealistic mind so much.]
visit the one who makes me hold my hands over my heart and sigh.
HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!
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