myOtaku.com: JD Person

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1990-02-12
Gender
• Male
Location
• in my own little universe, the entrance to which is somewhere in inkster michigan
Member Since
• 2005-03-25
Occupation
• slacker/writer/brooding mystic/spaz/idiot/confused wandering lost soul/puppy [in joke] Straight, brown haired Eiri Yuki
Real Name
• J-D, Got it memorized?

Personal

Achievements
• i've managed to spend 10 years in school and never had a girlfriend, thats an achievment in its sadness. but i've been in school 12 years now...
Anime Fan Since
• i first saw Gundam Wing
Favorite Anime
• Chobits, Gundam Seed,excel saga, Bleach, Naruto, Ergo Proxy, Blood +, Myhthical Dectective Loki Ragnarok, Makai Senki Disgaea, Tokko, Pucca, Gravitation, Ikki Tousen, Full Metal Panic, Kare Kano, Blue Gender, GITS, Cromartie High, inuyasha,.hack,kenshin,
Goals
• to gain good friends and to meet up with "someone" over the summer.
Hobbies
• writing my Flamer Fic, surfin' the net, training with various weapons
Talents
• annoying people, being crafty in times of trouble

myOtaku.com: JD Person

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Chemical inbalance.
As i always tell people, including myself, you cannot argue with your brain if it doesn't want you to. i say this because i basically spent the last 2 hours working out and stretching, then passing out face down on the couch in the middle of a show about a polygimist murderer i recorded on my DVR. upon waking up i viewed the next episode of Gundam SEED Destiny and came down here to update.

today was pretty good, i had a bunch of work i had to do in school because lasy night i had no time to do it. first off i blew of my homework for gaming, but alas my gimping PS2 finally gave up and stopped working, so it really became a day of restarting my PS2 and listening to it make horrible noises, then getting it to work for a while only for it to freeze up on me, well when i got home i had to do forensics book work and wrap my brother's birthday presents,so that took me past the 8 hours of sleep zone, so by the time i got to sleep i was way behind, i spent all today getting work done just before it was due, but still with enough time i could relax, so today went well.

today was also my brother's birthday, so when i got off school i went to my dad's house, there my brother blew us off to chill with his lover for like 5 hours, which i understand, i'd want to spend aromantic getaway with Bev on my B-day, but i'd let people know ahead of time, not stand them up, today was supposed to be an at-home day, but oh well, it was still fun. when me brother and his love got back he oppened the remainder of his presents, including one from her that was a whole elaborate trip to chicago for the two of them to see a band he likes, stay in a fancy hotel and go to a store he likes, it was really romantic and cute, because she told him about this via a sketch book she filled with scenes of them doing these things, i thought it was really romantic.

well when i got home i called up Bev and we ended up talking about her friend who has tons of fangirls, i'm slowly starting to realize i'm not meant to play the role of Asaba and have female admirers on a large scale. Bev keeps trying to convince me that i could if i changed things about myself, but thats nust not how i operate, i don't want to have admieres of who i pretend to be, i'd rather poeople hate me for me than love who they think i am.

but i'm just not fangirl-inspiring material, i'm not out-going, i don't engage people correctly, i'm either non-existant or over-bearing, i'm not good at making new friends or talking to strangers, i can't flirt or make small talk to save my life, i just always end up dominating conversations and making people think i'm wierd and they basically look down on me after that. and i'm kind to people, i'm not some cold, snobbish, bad-boy, hard-to-get type, the only reason i may be hard to approuch is because i'm shy or strange. plus i'm pale, i don't fit into any clique [emo, preppy, partier, jock] and i don't have good fashion, i'm nothing really special, Bev seems the only one to think i am, which is enough for ,me, its just i had aspiration of breaking the hearts of the same girls that rejected me, but i'm seeing now that is not the role i was destined to play, i will never be the lady killer, my dillusions of graduer are only that, dillusions.

but Bev kept telling me i could, and bringing up her friend with the legions of them, who after seeing him on the interweb [youtube: russell numa numa] i really feel that he's nothing special, he seems like an average looking spaz, but i guess its that shameless spastic attitude that just drives the ladies wild, plus i guess he's in better shape than me and emo-ish, so i see what warrants his feminine attracting prowess. so i basically told myself that it is the types like him, not i who are destined to play that role, but unfortunatly my brain and my ego wouldn't accept defeat, so i found myself stretching like crazy, as well as doing my normalo crunches and chest excerises, checking out my ass and such. basically i can't let go of my broken illusions, i guess that subconciosly i still feel "if i was just better" "i'm not gopod enough" and "i have to get better." these thoughts drive me to throw myself into more blind and hopeless charge, it seems my mission in life to destroy myself trying to gain unattainable things that i've already given up hope on.

though it does appear my grand standing gains me fans, my public bouts of crying, falling down outside classes, laughing with people laughing at me, yelling to classes like they are my cheering fans, ranting in speaches about Bev in a lovestruck manor or taboo subjects without flinching. it seems that my strangeness, if harnessed correctly could get me one step closer to havong my own Maryland [i sound like Asa-pine already, so thats good] i guess i have a future if i do things right, but the giant antfarm known as highschool is almost over for me, and with it my chance to gain fandom, so i'm guessing i'll miss my chance. but that's fine, Russel would trade me his life for mine in a second to have Bev, and ya know what?

i'll never give her up, i wouldn't trade her for every other girl in the world together. a while back i said i'd sacrifice my vanity to keep Bev, and i though that would be me hating how i look, my acne getting bad, my body getting more pale and doughy, but i realize now, i sacrifice having a bunch of girls who want to love me for one who truely does, and who i love back, and i think its worth it.

-Quote-

Me: i want to do the splits and put my head between my legs like that cheerleader, to do that i need to master the "touch your toes jutsu" as well as "spread eagle stance" life's a bitch.

its my damn left leg, its not as flexible as my right so it hurts when i touch my toes, which i can now do relitively reliably, plus the fact i always sit cross legged, so my legs don't like being extended straight. but when my one leg gets all hurty and bitch i feel like House.

visit the one i kill my vanity for

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!
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