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Friday, May 18, 2007


Absolute Power ch.4
Absolute power Mission: 4 The action begins! ~~~~ WARNING this chapter contains multiple miss-uses of the word “queer” for comic effect; if this offends you do not read this! ~~~~~ Kit: Approaching Neo-Scottish airspace! The air around their ship glows red. (Alarm sounds) Kit: (reading the displays) What the hell! Multiple beams shoot towards their ship. Kit slams the controls to the side and narrowly dodges the beams. They land and immediately notice the burning wreck near them. Sitting a few yards from the ship is Aveian enjoying a smoke. Kit and Allenby hurry out of the ship up to him. Allenby: What happened? Aveian: (blows out smoke) My ship was shot down when I entered the atmosphere. Kit: Are the Gundams alright? Aveian: Yeah, but the ship is destroyed, so I’m stuck here. Allenby: Don’t worry, you can come with us! Kit and Aveian look shocked then it sinks in. Aveian: (exhales) Fine, it’s my only option at this point. Kit: Sure, make it sound like it’s a last resort. (Winks and sticks out his tongue) Aveian: Yeah, I’ve hit rock bottom at this point. Kit: So now that we’re at the lowest point ever in our lives what should we do? Allenby: Wanna get hammered and act like idiots? Kit: Yeah sounds like a plan. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Kit and company walk into a pub. Inside is a bartender who looks like Mick Foley in a kilt and white undershirt. Kit: Sake and vodka my good man! Allenby: (pointing to Kit with her thumb) I’ll have what he’s having! Aveian: (head down, hands in pockets) Whisky, straight. Bartender: (Fat Bastard) Only queers drink that! Are ye queers? Allenby: Ye? Kit: No. Bartender: Ye must be if ye are drinkin’ that! Kit: Then what do, non-queers drink? Bartender: The house brew! Kit and the others look at it, and their faces turn in disgust. Kit: What the hell is that? Aveian: That looks like somethin’ I shit after I ate too much Mexican food and drank a couple pints of tequila. Bartender: What you queers can’t handle it?! Kit: I’m really sick of you callin’ me that. Bartender: What? Queer? What’s wrong queer, ye don’t like bein’ called a queer? Kit: That’s it! Kit, transformed, grips the bartender’s neck staring him dead in the eyes. Bartender: Nice nails queer! Why don’t ye paint ‘em pink and go buy some new shoes? And what ye lookin’ at, you gonna kiss me queer? Kit plops down in a seat, back to normal. Kit: (sighs) Will you just give us what we asked for? Bartender: Fine queer! He prepares their beverages, and then hands them to them quite forcefully. Bartender: Here, there’s ye queer drinks! Kit: I thought you didn’t like my “Kit special”. Allenby: I figured I should give it another try. Kit: You don’t have to do it for me? I don’t think you’re weak for not liking it; I just lived for 7 years as a hobo, so I have weird tastes. Allenby: 7 years as a hobo? Aveian: Disregard the last statement. (Takes a sip of his whiskey) Bartender: How are ye queers enjoying your queer drinks? Kit: What’s up with you and queers? Allenby: Seriously it’s like the every third word you use! Aveian: I’ve seen second graders with a wider vocabulary. Bartenders: Fine ye queers, take ye queer drinks and GET OUT!!!!! Kit: Gladly! Bartender: And those are going on your tabs, I’m putting it under “Q”… Hey, ye owe me 13,000 dollars!!!! Kit and the others walk out leaving the Bartender raving madly. Kit: What the hell is he talkin’ about callin’ me a queer? He’s the one wearing a dress! Allenby: I don’t know, I’ve known you for 3 months now and you still haven’t made any serious attempt at me. Kit: You sayin’ I ain’t straight? Allenby: Why don’t you prove to me what you are?! Kit: Don’t tempt me, ‘cause I’ll do it! Allenby: Bring it on! Sammy told me what you got and I ain’t afraid. Aveian: Children, behave. Both Kit and Allenby flip him off and stick their tongues out. Aveian: (thinking) God, why the hell did I decide to go along with these two?! ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Foxxy: (as cute as possible) So Sylven, whatcha wanna do today? Sylven: I don’t know, I really have never “played” before in my life. Foxxy: Well then (impish look) we’ll just have to change that! Sylven: (thinking) Damn you Kit, I have no idea why I’m doing this for you. She’s too damn cute, how am I supposed to deal with that!? Foxxy: Come on Sylven, this is gonna be fun. Sylven: (quietly) God save my soul. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Domon and The Man sit alone in the dark room. The Man: So Domon, how is your mission coming along? Domon: I still have failed to find Kit Sune, me and my men will continue to search for him. The Man: Very well, don’t fail me Domon. The Vid-screen turns off; the black haired girl is standing behind him. The Man: So, my little spy girl, any news? Black haired girl: Nothing to report about the enemy sir. The Man: So this visit was purely pleasure then. Black haired girl: (thinking) In your dreams! (Out loud) No sir, but I did manage to find the location of those two mercenaries you requested me to find. The Man: Excellent work my little spy, I’ll have to reward you later, meet me in my private room, alone. Black haired girl: Not necessary sir, I’m only doing my job. She walks out. The Man: Little tease. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Kit: (stomach growls) Man I’m hungry! Allenby: Me too. Aveian: I haven’t eaten in 18 hours. They wander, and then Kit sees something in the distance, his eyes light up. Kit: FOOD!!!!!!!! The 3 of them take off running towards the restaurant. They bust in. Kit: What do you guys serve? Waiter: Haggis! The three of them walk out heads down. Kit: I’m not hungry. Allenby: Neither am I. Aveian: I can wait. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Kit What is this? A sign reads “strong man contest, no queers!!” Aveian: You plannin’ to enter? Kit: We’re all entering. Aveian: Fine, I may as well agree now, since I know you’ll end up making me go anyway. Kit: That’s the way!! ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Contest Judge: Sorry no broads! Allenby: WHAT! Contest Judge: Like I said no broads! And no queers either! Kit: You callin’ me a queer!? Contest Judge: Yeah, ye wanna fight about it?!! The judge throw a punch, Kit catches it then twists his fist around and shreds the ligaments in the guy’s arm. He screams in pain and falls over. Kit: I guess that qualifies us. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Domon: Where the hell is he? The master is gonna kill me if I don’t find him! (Flips Vid-screen on) Cape any sightings? Cape pilot: No Domon, I’ve yet to find those knaves! Domon: Screw? Screw Pilot: Me no find Gundam enemies! Domon: WELL FIND THEM!!!! (Slams hands down turning the screen off) Morons. ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Announcer: First up Kit Sune versus Shamus McCringles. Are ye ready Shamus? Shamus: Aye! Announcer: Little Fox-Queer? Kit: Bring it on asshole! Announcer: Fight!!! Shamus comes running at Kit and throws a right hook, Kit ducks under and nails him with a left jab to the stomach. Kit then lowers his fist and steps back, Shamus falls. Announcer: Winner, Kit?! Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Queer! Kit sticks his tongue out and mocks them. Kit: SUCK IT!!! (Does the old DX suck it gesture) Aveian: Kit do you have to show-boat? Kit: Of course! Man these guys deserve everything I give them! Aveian gets up. Aveian: I’m up next I’ll try to give them a good show, (looks over his shoulder at Kit and smiles a little) sure hope I don’t lose. Aveian steps up as does his opponent. Announcer: Next Denis O’Reily vs. Aveian Wind!!!!! You ready Denis? Denis: Bring the little shit on! Announcer: Are you ready bigger queer?! Aveian fires off his pistol, the announcer falls over. Aveian: What? I used non-lethal ordinance. Denis: I don’t care how big your gun is, YOU’RE GOING DOWN QUEER!!!! Denis throws a huge punch at Aveian, Aveian lights up a cigarette then holds up his middle and pointer finger on his right hand and stops Denis’s fist, then brings his fingers up then brings them down jamming them down on Denis’s wrist. Denis immediately grabs his wrist and topples over shrieking in pain and falls on the floor. Aveian: Weakling. (Walks away with his hands in his pockets) Kit: Nice one dude. Aveian: He was pathetic Foxxy could have beaten him with one hand. Kit: I wonder what Foxxy is up to… ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Foxxy: So Sylven, are you having fun? Sylven: I must admit; it’s interesting. Sylven is spinning his whip around on the floor; Foxxy is playing skip-it with it. Foxxy: This would be Skip-it, TO THE X-TREME!!!!!!!!!!!! Foxxy skips, but when she lands her foot slips. Sylven: (thinking) NO!!!!! Sylven pulls his whip up quickly, he holds his hand out the whip cuts it and nicks his cheek and slashing his shoulder. Blood drips down and he grips his shoulder. Foxxy: Sylven!! She runs over to inspect his wound. Foxxy: Are you all right? Sylven: I’m fine; you have no reason to be concerned. Foxxy: I’ll help you dress it. (She grabs his hand softly) Sylven: (pulls his hand away) Not necessary. Sylven walks away. Foxxy: Hard-ass! ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Kit: …Probably havin’ fun. Scotsman: ‘Ey you, queer, how about ye take me on?! Kit: (Slides into stance) Bring it on. Scotsman: Oh no, we’re not fighting clean, we’re usin’ weapons… and here’s mine!!! (Throws arm into the air) Rise Kilt Gundam!!!!! A kilt clad Gundam armed with a sheathed Long-sword on the hip and a bag-pipe rises up, the pilot jumps in. Pilot: Try and beat me now queer!!!!! Kit: Fine. But I won’t have to try very hard!!!!!! RISE KIT CUSTOM!!!!!! Kit’s Gundam rises up and Kit jumps in. Aveian: Damn that’s the idiot that destroyed my transport. Kit: Yeah, he got my ship too! Good, I’ll beat his ass for both of us!!! Scottish pilot: TAKE THIS YE QUEER!!! Kilt Gundam fires multiple beams out of the bag-pipe at Kit. Kit: So that’s how you did it! Well, let me show you I do things!!!! Kit raises his Suit’s Beam Rifle and fires three shots through Kilt Gundam’s bag-pipes while dodging the in-coming beams. Scottish pilot: Pretty good (throws down the pipes, they explode) …FOR A QUEER!!!!! The pilot draws Kilt Gundam’s Long Sword and rushes Kit’s Gundam. Kit: (throws down his Rifle) Too bad for you, BUT NOW IT’S OVER!! Kit slides his hands into the outlets, the trace material creeps up his arms and onto his face. Kit draws his Beam Sword and runs towards Kilt Gundam. Their swords meet, Kit forces his forward and the tip of the Scotsman’s sword breaks off, Kit’s cuts across Kilt Gundam’s chest then he drives the shield into the kilt clad Gundam’s side. Kit jumps back, leaving his shield in the enemy Suit’s side, the pilot jumps out as his suit collapses. Kit: Phew, that was a workout! Kit exits his Suit and rides the cable down to the ground, where he is met by Allenby, Aveian, and the Scotsman. Kit: (annoyed) Haven’t you had enough yet?! Scotsman: Aye, I came to congratulate ye! Put ‘er their (holds out his hand) I realize ye are a real man!! The two shake hands in a show of mutual respect. Scotsman: Well, I gotta go, have to fix all the damage ye did to my Suit. Kit: Hey, what’s your name?! Scotsman: Shamus O’Malley! Kit: Kit Sune. I’ll see ya’ again Shamus! Shamus: Aye lad! I believe ye will! Shamus walks off bow-legged in his man skirt. Kit: So what’s next, Commander? Aveian: We fix your Gundam. Kit: Huh? Aveian: You maxed out the servos in both arms (Kit laughs nervously) destroyed a shield, (Kit laughs again) used up a load of propellant, {Kit laughs again), and fired off the Beam Rifle and used the Beam Saber. Kit: Oh yeah. Aveian: Always have to show off. (Under breath) Like a damn child. (out loud) But, we needed a new ship anyway, so I guess all this means is that the supply list will be longer. Kit: A new transport? Aveian: If I’m going to load my Mobile armor onto your ship it’s going to have to be larger. (Little smile) Kit: You mean… Aveian: I’m joining your little party. (Ending music) Kit, Aveian and Allenby are in the control room of their new ship. Allenby: Launching!! The ship takes off and flies off to adventure. Ja Ne (Outlaw Star next episode music) Foxxy: See, that was terrible, just offensive and wrong! Oh well, there’s still way more ahead, like Black Vulpine getting pushy, and meeting a guy from my brother’s past! Oooh, who’s that guy!? Next episode: Enter Sarin! So you better get ready!
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