myOtaku.com: JD Person

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1990-02-12
Gender
• Male
Location
• in my own little universe, the entrance to which is somewhere in inkster michigan
Member Since
• 2005-03-25
Occupation
• slacker/writer/brooding mystic/spaz/idiot/confused wandering lost soul/puppy [in joke] Straight, brown haired Eiri Yuki
Real Name
• J-D, Got it memorized?

Personal

Achievements
• i've managed to spend 10 years in school and never had a girlfriend, thats an achievment in its sadness. but i've been in school 12 years now...
Anime Fan Since
• i first saw Gundam Wing
Favorite Anime
• Chobits, Gundam Seed,excel saga, Bleach, Naruto, Ergo Proxy, Blood +, Myhthical Dectective Loki Ragnarok, Makai Senki Disgaea, Tokko, Pucca, Gravitation, Ikki Tousen, Full Metal Panic, Kare Kano, Blue Gender, GITS, Cromartie High, inuyasha,.hack,kenshin,
Goals
• to gain good friends and to meet up with "someone" over the summer.
Hobbies
• writing my Flamer Fic, surfin' the net, training with various weapons
Talents
• annoying people, being crafty in times of trouble

myOtaku.com: JD Person

Sunday, May 20, 2007

my brain stalled.
its probably because my head is messed up from not sleeping all throughout the week, and so i keep passing out now, and being as that little bit of narcholpesy probably ruined my inhabitions a bit more than my usual amount right now i feel like posting up that hideous picture of myself so here it is:

but hey, Bev thinks i look cute in it, so if its good enough for my lover i guess its gtood enough to show off to the lot of you. i really need to get me a camera to get some better pics of myself, i sort of feel like showing this off undermines my constant ranting about my cuteness, but oh well, like i said: i'm mentally unbalanced right now.

i really need to cut my hair, i've realized that if my hair looks bad i look bad, in all my previous school pictures my hair is long and unkept because i fear it looking funny if i cut it, and i always look at my hair and say "its good enough" and thus put off having it cut. i think its just because i really don't like the idea of getting it cut, because i have my dad do it, this being spawned by the fact that that i still fear coming out of the preverbial closet over my vanity and wanting to go to a salon or something, my dad does a good job of it, but i think it would be better if i got professional help, i just don't feel ready to unlock my potential yet. i think it might be that i always used to go to bo rics and they'd slaughter my hair, i know that they are in no way a salon, but the fact they are "professionals" and my father does so much better than them discourages me from going to get professional work. plus i just feel akward about it, i don't know why, i just just feel wierd of going to a salon with either of my parents or alone, i have no idea why. thats the problem with me, i have really strong things about random things that keep me from being as good as i could be, and that irks me, but not enough to actually do something about it, so i end up in this hellish middle griping about it on end for years.

but i suppose i wouldn't be me if i actually were able to do everything i wanted to, i'm the type the person full of unfufilled ambition, or the type that puts things off and says "if only this was there, then i'd do it." i say that i'll do it when Bev is with me, i guess because i can be more open with her, and she understands my vanity better, so i'm not so embarassed to show her my femininity. and the even better part is that i get touch with my feminine side in all the uinusaul places, yet i shy away from the more main-stream girly things. i bet that if i had a profession hair cut i might have more fangirls, thats just the types of thoughts i have, or that i'd think i was prettier, but i still am too afraid to do it, i really don't know why i feel the way i do about things, i don't understand myself and the things i fear, or feel uncomfortable doing, for my 18th birthday i want to get my navel pierced, thats the main reason i want to get a driver's lisence, so i can drive myself there, i wanna get a lower-back tat as well, but i want to plan that out better, being as its permanent unless i want a spot of skin that will never tan again, not that i'm really inclined to bronzing, but at least i do gain some color, and i don't burn anymore.

so yeah, here i am having a personal crisis over getting a haircut, where no matter what i do i will feel as if i lost, i guess maybe my dad was right when i was a kid, he usedf to joke that i like being miserable, if i had everything i cpould ever wish for i'd look as hard as i could just to find something to complain about. i'd like to think of it as ambition, or that i'm very deep, but i think its more that i'm an emotional masochist and that i probably have other deep-seated issues.

but alas, tis my life. tomorrow i'll haqve my dad hack my hair off and then in a few monthes i'll be right back to this little ritual of self-doubt and confusion. maybe everything will be fixed when Bev gets here, or it could be that i'll just new things to gripe about, because i just won't allow myself to be happy.

-Quote-

"if something were truly bad then you'd do something about it, so either act and try to improve things or shut the hell up."

-Me talking about emos.

visit my future enabler.

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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