myOtaku.com: JD Person

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1990-02-12
Gender
• Male
Location
• in my own little universe, the entrance to which is somewhere in inkster michigan
Member Since
• 2005-03-25
Occupation
• slacker/writer/brooding mystic/spaz/idiot/confused wandering lost soul/puppy [in joke] Straight, brown haired Eiri Yuki
Real Name
• J-D, Got it memorized?

Personal

Achievements
• i've managed to spend 10 years in school and never had a girlfriend, thats an achievment in its sadness. but i've been in school 12 years now...
Anime Fan Since
• i first saw Gundam Wing
Favorite Anime
• Chobits, Gundam Seed,excel saga, Bleach, Naruto, Ergo Proxy, Blood +, Myhthical Dectective Loki Ragnarok, Makai Senki Disgaea, Tokko, Pucca, Gravitation, Ikki Tousen, Full Metal Panic, Kare Kano, Blue Gender, GITS, Cromartie High, inuyasha,.hack,kenshin,
Goals
• to gain good friends and to meet up with "someone" over the summer.
Hobbies
• writing my Flamer Fic, surfin' the net, training with various weapons
Talents
• annoying people, being crafty in times of trouble

myOtaku.com: JD Person

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

melancholy.
i was in such a melancholy mood yesterday, it was cured today but i have a distict feeling i will be going back to that land of torrid emotion and corosive feelings, just based off the fact that it is a deep subject and i can speak of and not get all repetitive and stale. plus it seems as if a lot of you guys seem not to know as much about me as i wish you did, but then again i seem to have dilusions of granduer, seem to think that being ranked 203rd on a niche blog-site with slightly less than .5 million people makes me famous and obviously everyone who reads this will know everything i say and ellude to from my life, because i'm ranked as a legend, so i guess everyone knows my biography.

but being as that is obviously not true,so let me once again to state the names and roles of the other players in this story of my life.

Dafina was this girl i had an uber-huge crush on before i met Bev, i had never felt as strongly for a person as i did for her, [but now i realize how shallow those feelings are, for true love cannot be one-sided] i stared at her all day in class and wondered about how to get her to like me, we were casual friends and i eventually got up the nerve to write her a love note, in which i put my phone number, e-mail and address so she could contact me if she wanted, i also gave her the options to either stay friends or tell me to fuck off forever, she reassured me she would always be my friend. this put me in such a broken down and lovesick mood that Bev couldn't help falling for my pathetic and sad ass, and since then on i wanted Dafina to be my best friend, something she seems better suited for in hindsight. but alas after 9th grade she became more distant from me, never IMing me [she gave me her AIM address and i had never heard of it, i started an account just to talk to her] i'd try to track her down at school, talk to her when i could, i thought it showed that i cared for her and that i was no longer wishy-washy, that i could say to her that i wanted to be her friend, but i realize now that all that could have been taken as me stalking her, Bev proposed that and it seems logical. i guess i might have seemed over-bearing, and now it seems my friend has kept in touch with her, which means that she could of if she wanted to. so now i might get to talk to her, life is so strange and painful.

and there Bev, the love of my life who has stayed with me throughout this soon-to-be 2 hour post, and the person who was alway there for me through all the pain and turmoil dafina has put me through. she pulled me out of the darkness dafina put me into by letting me down slowly, she showed me what true love is and has kept me happy through this whole "dafina go poof," thing, right now she's talking to me as i find out that dafina is connected to her by friends, so i might get in contact, or maybe not. but right now i know i wouldn't be a whole person, i'd be in just lost in darkness and pain like before, or mute to the world drowning in cynicism and numbness. right now she is reassuring me and making me feel better. she understands me, and is understanding the whole situation, she is my strength and my rock. right now she is supporting me while i learn about maybe meeting an old friend. she's stayed by my side, told me the truth and not done all the mindgame bullshit girls usually do. she is forward with me, tells me the truth and doesn't hide things. she stayed by my side for 2 and a half hours while i tried to sort this part of my life out, she wanted to stay with me till i went to sleep, but through her tiredness and my trying to protech her she went to sleep now, she decided to only get 4 hours of sleep for me, and made me feel better and gave me her blessings in trying to find Dafina, that it doesn't make her jealous anymore, it doesn't hurt her and that she understands me, though not how i'm so determined.

i plan my life around the fact that me and bev will be together, Dafina is merely a perk i may or may not aquire, if we've grown too far apart then fine, let it be as it is. i have my lover and she's all i need, she saved me from my Dafina-related feelings once and has done it once again. what the future holds is unsure, its now less than a month until i go to spend 11 days in paradise with her, so all this bullshit can sit on the backburner now, if i find an old friend, then cool, if not then the cruel reality of the replaceability of people and how fickle out heatts and memories truly are will just have to become appearant to me. we forget people to protect ourselves, and if i have to forget her, then its because she didn't try hard enough, i can chase her for eternity and never catch her unless she wants to be caught up with. i will never have to forget Bev, i will never have to chase her, she will be at my side like she was tonight, and that people is what matters in life.

sorry for the slopiness tonight, i was talking to 3 people, remorsing over a fourth and trying to update, i thought the title was going to speak about the past, but it apears the present and future were more apt.

-quote-

Me: i tried so hard to be her friend and she still disapeared...

Bev: She missed out.

that made everything go away, and it jusat did now, its moments like that that make me feel that our love is mature, even if we aren't. that was so perfect and romantic, i know all over again why i gave my heart to her.

go and visit the person who keeps me from imploding with brood [nounified from the verb brooding]

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!!!!!
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