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Thursday, June 28, 2007


Drama
[warning, if you only read one thing, read the stuff after i talk about my senpai and the drunken sage known as Lytjuh, its the most important part of the post]

well i'll try to get the Dafina stuff over quickly. yesterday i was discovering i might get back in contact with her, so i was a bit emotionally unstable, i was jealous Kitty knew her better than i and afraid to get my questions answered, i made ground with Bev on the whole ground of You > 1,000,000xDafina, she seems to now just be more bitchy than jealous towards Dafina [who is still an abstract concept at this point] which is fair, because i'm bitchy towards Dafina too. so now things seem to be moving forward, and i'm back on the "with or without her" track of thinking, a much better one in my opinion.

As for you comments my otaku elders:
Senpai: i realize how destructive words are, Bev is quite emotional and my sentamentalism hsas caused her a lot of pain at times. but Dafina means nothing compared to Bev, the latter allows me to to search for the former and thats the only reason i do. most of the time i'm oblivious to the absence of Dafina's existance from my life, and only sometimes am i reminisent or melancholy. but most of the time i'm bouncing off the walls waiting to talk to Bev, i remember last year i used to literally count the hours. i'm more well adjusted now i believe, and i KNOW, with every fiber of my being that Dafina could NEVER mean enough to me to comprimse my life with Bev.

Drunken Sage Lytjuh: yes, life is pretty fucked up, we live in misery over those we miss, and we feel even more pain thinking one day we will forget them and all the bonds we shared. and the even more fucked up thing is that those kinds of things are what keep us alive, we forget pain, it impossible to remember the sensation of pain, and after a while we forget those who hurt us, repressed memories. if we could just be with everyone we share strong bonds with the world we be so much better, but sadly life is not happy [even if "let me be with you" by roundtable] we really just find the one person who keeps us strong and float with them, our shared strength fighting off the waves of pain. life is a miserable thing.

now onto more fucked up depressing stories, because i literally am in such a happy mood, it just seems that my mind is full of sadness and pain, i think this thing does bring me happiness because i love this show, even if a lot of the stuff in it makes me sad. the show is Rescue Me, its on wednesdays at 10pm on the FX channel, and here is the latest event that made me sad, i'll tell you its a spoiler warning, even though last time i mentioned this no one else watched it.

see the chief [the show is about NY Firemen] started out his character developement when he punched a dude out for taking credit for saves that people who died in 9-11 made, well the guy turned out to be a gay guy, who he beat into a medically induced coma in a gay bar. well Jerry [the cheif] ended up calling upon his gay son to be a character witness and got off. next off his wife started getting alzheimers, and she threw out a box of his money he had hidden, he has a gambling problem and ended up pawning off his dad's watch, the only thing he had to remember him, to pay off his booky. so as Jerry's wife gets worse she forgets who he is and starts attacking him in the morning, she then starts believing jerry is her brother, and starts having sex with other men. she occassionally remembers who he is, so he is conflicted. he asks his son to watch over her, and she always remembers peter [the son]. well after peter leaves jerry hires a nurse, who he eventually gets involved with romantically. one day while he's at work his wife tries to kill herself and the nurse is inept in trying to stop/save her and that pretty much ends that relationship. so he puts her in a home, where she completly forgets him forever, which he thinks is for the best. next hye starts doing a younger illeagal jamacian immigrant, who has him hopped up on viagra so he can please her, which causes him to have a heart-attack, she leaves him for dead, afraid INS will pick her up if she calls 911. well Jerry's guys save him, and he gets put out of commission, though he remains the behind-the-scenes unoffical chief. well he starts losing weight and gets in the best shape of his life, as well as gets ready to walk his son down the aisle at his civil union ceremony. well the FDNY doc tells him his heart is too jacked up for him to keep working. he tellsw the guys and they give him a new set of golf clubs, which he tells them he will put to good use, he plans to retire to florida. he goes to his son's ceremony and tells the people that if he and his men can rely on each other to live, then two men can rely on each other for life. he then tells his son he really needs to visit his mom more, and pete says once him and his lover settle down they'll visit every week. he also risks his new desk job to erase all the charges against the main character, who is charged with arson after Tommy's [the main character]dead cousain's wife seduced him, drugged him, and attempted to rape him before accidentally burning the house down, almost killing them both. Jerry then goes home, plays with his clubs on a little mini putting track, he looks at the travel brochure, he brushes his teeth, washes his mouth out, fixes his receeding hair, raises a revolver to his mouth and pulls the trigger. this is how his father died, after being a cop for 34 years he came home and blew his brains out with a service revolver when he was made to retire, stating he'd lost the only family he ever had, his men.

so yeah, i'll miss that guy, he was a great character. i beg you if you didn't read that last paragraph please do, it was the real post.

it ends here.

♥ JD Person ♥

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