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myOtaku.com: JD Person


Monday, March 6, 2006


1400 hits!
i have that many, i have no idea why.

i enjoy debating you guys, if you wanna stop we can, but i know i'm having fun.

maybe my feeling are petty and egotistical, but i believe them to be pretty important, though really in the long run anything is petty, i mean does my relationship really effect any of you? no just because i keep bringing it up, i guess it is ego feed for me to keep talking about it, but i guess i'm gluttonous, or just to lazy to find a new topic.

my post sunday was so uber-emotional because i was kinda "upset" i didn't mean to be so forceful, just one of those days...

i am a whole new person with her, i think thats a sign that its not self-centered, if i can change the self i previously believed perfect, without caring, infact wanting to be what she wants me to [forever with her, forever in me, ever the same]
maybe my beliefs are myopic and self-centered, but i'm the only person i can know well enough to serve so well, i try my best to be giving, but its not really in my character.

i believe becoming a better person, or rather viewing a change for another's sake only as a improvement is a sign that its not completly self-centered.

and i think its my own self hatred that makes me believe that if i benefit in any way, even unintentionally from something it makes it selfish. may it be being happy for her to be happy or the sense of relief in doing what's "just" maybe thats too harsh a view and i'm slowly reforming that idea, but i think its just my way.

you can't help who you are, i'm indifferent, callous, and offensive. but she makes me caring, concerned, loving and kind. normally i feel like i can't be far enough away and have enough walls, i stay so cold i freeze all those who touch me. but around her i leave all the walls, i can't be close enough, and i want to be as warm as a fluffy drier fresh blanket. i love the short leash because i it shows me right were to go, i pick it up and bring it to her, i like my short leash, it may be wrong, everything may be wrong, but i like it this way.

i bought "how to draw manga, Bishoujo: Pretty Gals," because i need help drawing better, like folds in clothing, well while i was there there was like 7 other people, nostly girls looking at the books too, i was looking through books and said "i just want to draw folds in clothing!" so this guy hands me "H.T.D.M. encyclopedia of outfits 3: Sexy sports wear!" i looked through it and said "there's 20 pages on how to draw different panties!" the girls were laughing so hard. the one guy said "how to draw Hentai." i asked if they actually had that one and the guy who gave me sexy sportswear said "aren't they all just that?" i said "yes but its thinly vieled, i'd respect someone who just said 'how to draw porn!'"
everyone loved that.

well i hope to get a scanner and even better and drawing, Bev does like my art though, she thinks i'm pretty good, but i want to get better, which i am, i really must master the little details, and symetry, nothing ever looks the same, i have to get better at that.

well see all you peoplezez at your sites.

HAIL ZEON!!!!!!!

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