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AIM
• Kagato360
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Birthday
• 1990-02-12
Gender
•
Male
Location
• in my own little universe, the entrance to which is somewhere in inkster michigan
Member Since
• 2005-03-25
Occupation
• slacker/writer/brooding mystic/spaz/idiot/confused wandering lost soul/puppy [in joke] Straight, brown haired Eiri Yuki
Real Name
• J-D, Got it memorized?
Personal
Achievements
• i've managed to spend 10 years in school and never had a girlfriend, thats an achievment in its sadness. but i've been in school 12 years now...
Anime Fan Since
• i first saw Gundam Wing
Favorite Anime
• Chobits, Gundam Seed,excel saga, Bleach, Naruto, Ergo Proxy, Blood +, Myhthical Dectective Loki Ragnarok, Makai Senki Disgaea, Tokko, Pucca, Gravitation, Ikki Tousen, Full Metal Panic, Kare Kano, Blue Gender, GITS, Cromartie High, inuyasha,.hack,kenshin,
Goals
• to gain good friends and to meet up with "someone" over the summer.
Hobbies
• writing my Flamer Fic, surfin' the net, training with various weapons
Talents
• annoying people, being crafty in times of trouble
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Saturday, June 3, 2006
The big thing.
well lets see, i wonder how many of you read the last post and are actually tuning in for this one, and how many will read this without knowing its significance.
the thing is i'm having a bit of choppy water with my love. see when we first met i was depressed, Dafina had ripped out my heart, cleaned it off, put it back in, sewed up all the wounds, and stayed by me while i healed. and that amazed me, that she wasn't fazed at all by the fact i confessed my one sided feelings for her. so i felt unworthy, like i didn't deserve this, so i tried to prove to myself and her that i was worthy, but alas we stayed friends. and over the summer, while i was wallowing in self pity i came across a female artist, and we fell in love, she gave me self worth, she showed me i was good for something, that i was desirable. in those days she flirted with me a lot, i thought we were just playing, but i now know it was her desperatly trying to make me stay near her, for me to be happy, and fall for her, and once she confessed her feelings i did fall.
but since then, that self-worth has made me more outgoing, and i no longer hurt so much, so i can be confident. back then i spoke only of love, because i knew nothing of physical desire, but now, after seeing [and kissing] many kissy marks, and hearing many kisses over the phone, and all the different things she wants to do to me, i learned how to desire affection, to want physical pleasure. but it was out of love, it was the intense desire to want to feel the gentle loving touch of your soul mate, i can't the though of her perfect kisses, or the irrestible lips that made them out of my mind. so when i get one kiss, i need more, i'm addicted to her love, i need her love. i can't help asking for it, i'm to weak to resist her kisses, even if she's not trying to beat me, she does, and if i lose i wanna lose hard.
and she no longer needing to win me over cut back on the intesity of the flirting.
so at this point we've both changed.
as well as being more flirtatious, i also had many requests for gifts, really i was just giving her ideas, but i was asking a lot of her.
and last night the shit hit the fan. see we got to talking about our feelings and she said "it kinda hurts me sometimes when all we do is flirt, remember that time we didn't flirt all night at all, that was sweet." i couldn't agree more, but see i didn't know i was hurting her, and her pain becomes my pain 100 fold very quickly. later she also said "all the cute and horny letters are nice, but that one where you just talked about the snow, thats my favorite."
thats the first letter i ever sent her. so between those two things i'm starting to believe that she likes the old me better then this me, i know she loves this current self more, but she seems to like my old self more.
then she said "and when you said to do things for myself, and not to always sacrifice for you, thanks, if you hadn't have said that our relationship would have been much shorter."
"...Relationship...Shorter..." bad combo, so yeah i was a bit unhappy, and i went about all today feeling that way. it felt like my heart was in pieces, and my emotions were a wreck. my consentration sucked, i had lost all self worth once more. but this time it was different, my heart didn't hurt, it was like all the pieces were inside a shell, and i felt kinda cool, soothing, my injured heart was wrapped in the love of her, my one and only, and even though it was my fault, and it was her words that caused this, i'm still in love, and i still feel invincible, though emotional, basically Superman with PMS. i went around all day in a twilight of emotion, happy yet sad, strong yet weak, lloved by her, but not by myself. i was train crash wrapped in bubble wrap.
but tonight i talked with her again, and everything is okay. she doesn't mind flirting, or kissing me excessivly, she just wants to hear my laugh, and in the weakness i had i found inspiration for about a dozen love letters i mailed her today, and a million things i said on the phone, all of which she loved. i told her how i would easily live a life of suffering just to take away a little opf hers for a moment. we shared our feelings and are as happy as ever, so yeah, i just wasted all your time.
sorry, but our love is too strong to be broken that easily! you should know that by now.
read Absolute Power the love is less cheesy.
quote:
a lengthened bit from above.
Me: i would suffer for the rest of my life just to take away a little pain from you for a moment. and i'd never regret it.
her: but isn't that exactly what you told me not to do, be hurt and not say anything, suffer just to make you happy? to hurt myself and just keep suffering in silence?
Me: hey, i said you can;t do that, i never said i wouldn't.
Her: well you can't do it either, tell me when you're hurt, and i'll make you feel better. don't suffer for me, because if you're hurt, i am too.
Me: thanks.
see, we're idiots, but idiots in love. we're eachothers idiots!
HAIL ZEON!!!!
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