myOtaku.com: JD Person

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1990-02-12
Gender
• Male
Location
• in my own little universe, the entrance to which is somewhere in inkster michigan
Member Since
• 2005-03-25
Occupation
• slacker/writer/brooding mystic/spaz/idiot/confused wandering lost soul/puppy [in joke] Straight, brown haired Eiri Yuki
Real Name
• J-D, Got it memorized?

Personal

Achievements
• i've managed to spend 10 years in school and never had a girlfriend, thats an achievment in its sadness. but i've been in school 12 years now...
Anime Fan Since
• i first saw Gundam Wing
Favorite Anime
• Chobits, Gundam Seed,excel saga, Bleach, Naruto, Ergo Proxy, Blood +, Myhthical Dectective Loki Ragnarok, Makai Senki Disgaea, Tokko, Pucca, Gravitation, Ikki Tousen, Full Metal Panic, Kare Kano, Blue Gender, GITS, Cromartie High, inuyasha,.hack,kenshin,
Goals
• to gain good friends and to meet up with "someone" over the summer.
Hobbies
• writing my Flamer Fic, surfin' the net, training with various weapons
Talents
• annoying people, being crafty in times of trouble

myOtaku.com: JD Person

Friday, August 11, 2006

Uncentainty.
i got low visits today.
so, like always i question what the cause of it is.
i didn't visit yesterday because i was too lazy i guess. i slept for 13 hours, and woke up a 5 pm, so i only had an hour before i usually go and visit people, and i hadn't even taken a shower yet!
plus i had asked for fondue for dinner that day, which kinda takes a long time to eat, AND i had to mow both lawns, so i was uber-busy. and after i got done mowing the lawn the damn weeny dog wanyed to go for a walk, so i took her fat-ass up to the bad part of inkster and back.

see, inkster is a suburb of detroit, and i think everyone knows how WONDERFUL Detroit is. yeah, so there is a good part, and a bad part. i live in the good part, across the street from me is the rich part of the next city, but being as i dress like a wigger, and most of detroit is a hell hole, when i say i live inkster imeadiatly makes think i'm a badass. well anyway, i took her up to what i call "the crakhead district." because its full of drug dealers, addicts, and derangged homeless people. the ground sparles with broken glass, and as far as the eye can see it only gets worse. so i turn around to go home, and something catches my eye, and upon further inspection i burst out laughing. "you gotta be shittin me!?" the street before the crakhead district is called "Oakland."

so being as i was to busy being an idiot i could not do my usual rounds. and that could be one explaination.
or i could be the realative asshole-ish-ness of my last post.
i apologize if i offended anyone, but i was merely expressing my beliefs. i really do get annoyed by emo bitching. but i realized why...
its because of all the posers,
all the people that act depressed because they want attention, they say suicidal things because its cool. they know they can get love if they act this way, i don't like those people.
and thats why i don't like emo music, because i believe its partly a psycho-symatic thing. yiu think you're sick, so you make yourself sick. its like how drug commercials name off sympyoms till they name one you have.
Do you sleep too much?
do you not sleep enough?
does it hurt to pee?
can you pee?
do you pee too much?
are you depressed?
are you too happy?
do you have ED?
do you get too many errections at inapropriate times?
Do you have premature edjaculation?
are you unable to finish in bed?
do you breathe air and drink water?

"shit! i got that one! i NEED that drug!!!!!!!!"

i've been down at times, too the point where i was clinically depressed probably, but i talked about my problems, i asked for help, for someone to save me. i told myself i would not lose to the darkness in my heart! that i would survive and not give up hope, because i listened to happy-ish music. i mean the worst was Linkin Park, which is semi-depressing, but i'd say its more "save me!" than "i'm going to go cut myself and cry, i wanna die..." music. BUT, i can understand how hearing that might help you when you are so depressed, but i think if thats all you hear, then cutting sounds like a release, you start to feel that no one really does want you, that everyone hates you, and nobody wants to help or hear you, you see death as an escape, and see yourself as beyond help and dead.
i can see how that may happen, and being that if i had taken a different path then that i may have scars, and be thinking that i'm beyond help. i've dealt with darkness and pain, where you feel all is lost and you don't feel any worth anymore. i have a personal vendetta against that darkness, and i want to pul as many people out of the darkness as possible.

i know its a self-centered belief, to think i CAN save or help others, but i really want to try. i know that others are worse off than me, i know my love has had things happen to her i could never compare my life to. i know i could never say "i've been there." because i never experienced a thing like that. so if it is a horrible thing, something that even i wouldn't talk about, then i can understand your pain in that i understand the pain it causes to talk about it. i may not no what its like, but i know what it does, and i would never cause another to feel that way.
and i don't think anyone here is posing, or that your feelings are unjust.
i just want to help
and i wish i was allowed to by those who really need it.
i've dealt with people who just gave up, to whom hate is all they know, they have forgotten their hearts, and don't seem to even image love is possible. people who say that they are in love, yet do not talk to them when they feel suicidal because they don't think that person would care to help them. they act so cruely to me and others, yet are hurt if others act like that towards them. they perpetuate their pain, drive people away and cry because they are alone, cut themselves, burn themselves, and weep over pain. i want to help these people, but they never let me in. they attacdk me for trying to help them. and for a person who does not believe in love, or can be in love and think there partner hates them, i have trouble trying to help them. people who ignore all the advice i give, and continue the actions that cause them pain, people who don't want to be saved cannot be saved. only wish those people would just stop complaining.
if pain suits you so well, please stop telling me it hurts
if you slap the klifeline out of my hand
don't tell me you're drowning.

a person with deeper darkness pulled me out of mine, and filled me with light that grew inside the heart that waited for that light for so long, now i'm trying to wash away her darkness, to save her like she saved me.
she acted so brave
she is so strong
for a person who is so hurt
i want to make her feel safe
to make her pain go away
she will be saved
i won't fail her
because she didn't fail me

i can't visit tomorrow
my mom is dragging me off on a vacation.
fuck what the CD of destiny tells me
i don't care to flip

this posts ends here

think about what i said
and ask me questions

JD OUT!
Comments (12)

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