Wednesday, November 14, 2007

   Yummy Claussen
I'm eating a Claussen pickle right now.

Jealous?
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Sunday, November 11, 2007

The Most Selfish Person I know...
This is REALLY long and confusing. But recently I've been writing about things that bother me. It seems to help a little. So I wrote about this...

Today I went to hang out with Danielle. While I was over there I got a call from my sister Christin asking me if my sister-in-law Lisa was ok. I, not being at home, didn't know what she was talking about. So she told me that she heard that Jimmy(my brother who is married to Lisa) and Lisa got in a big fight(nothing new, they fight all the time). I told her I didn't know anything about it and that was that.
I didn't know the full extent of the "fight" until later when Mindy called me. Mindy is my sister Janette's girlfriend. All three of us live together. So she's basically my sister too. Anyway she called me and told me that Jimmy pretty much beat Lisa up. Mindy said that Jimmy had Lisa in the corner and was hitting her. I don't really know the details or the exact time line but at some point Janette and Mindy went and got Lisa. I don't know where Jimmy and Lisa's two kids were at that time. So Jimmy was home and I guess a lot of back and forth phone calls went on between Jimmy and Lisa's house and our house. Some time Jandy(Janette+Mindy) and Lisa went back to Lisa's house and they found Jimmy in the bath tub with a knife and he said that he took some pills or something. This part is a little unclear but somehow Jimmy told them he was alright so they left him alone or something, I'm not sure. I don't even know where they went but when they got back to Jimmy he had cut his wrists. Janette said that he cut himself in the right place to kill himself but that he didn't cut deep enough.
He was still conscious and everything and he heard that my dad was going over there so he took off. Christin and my dad and some other people(I'm not sure who) all went to look for him. Christin went to my moms grave because he said that if he was ever gonna kill himself he'd do it on her grave. That alone makes me furious at him. I know he's in a lot of pain, but we all are. We all lost her. He's not the only one who's hurting. He's gonna make us lose our mom and brother or wife and son in my dads case, within three months of each other.
Anyway, he ended up going back to his house. Mindy, Lisa and Brendon(Christin's brother-in-law) were the only ones there. Mindy called my dad to let him know Jimmy was back.
Jimmy took Lisa into the bathroom and talked to her. He told her he loved her and that he wanted her to stay there and sleep with him, literally. She told him she would never sleep with him again. She bandaged up his wrists. After that he left again. Just as he was leaving my dad and the others got there and my dad tried to get in the car with Jimmy but he wouldn't let him.
Jimmy came back later and my dad talked to him for a long time in the car. Then my dad came in and talked to Lisa for a long time. She told us that he was crying a lot when he talked to her. And if you know my dad then you know that he doesn't cry often or a lot. He always tries to be the strong, composed one. So I guess it ended with Jimmy going to bed and most of the rest of them staying there hanging out. I think they're mostly there to keep Lisa company. I don't think I could be in the same house with my brother right now so I didn't go down to their house.
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Saturday, November 3, 2007

Movie Trivia or How I Really Feel?
A little trivia for ya.
Who knows what movie this is from...

*"Does anyone ever feel like they're just... disappearing? I feel so much
like giving up."*

Don't cheat and just look it up online. That's not fair. The first person with the correct answer gets... absolutely NOTHING!! YAY!!
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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I can't stop crying. Yesterday I was listening to Antonia by Motion City Soundtrack and it made me cry uncontrollably. Then today I've only been awake for about 2 1/2 hours and I've cried three or four times already. I went to my dad's house this morning. I sat on his and my moms bed and listened to some phone messages from when she was still alive. They were from around Christmas. And that made me ball like a baby. I feel like I'm gonna start crying right now. Sometimes when I try to talk or sing to music my voice gets really shaky and I have to stop. It feels like every day the pain of losing my mom triples and I don't know when it's gonna stop getting worse. What if it never does? Will it totally consume me?
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Tuesday, October 9, 2007

   More Work
My boss called me this morning and said that he needs my help. He wants me to fill in for this old lady who cleans a building that takes 3 hours to clean. He said he wanted me to have it permanently but that would mean that I would be working for 11 1/2 hours on Mondays and Wednesdays and 9 hours and 45 minutes on Friday. I said there was no way I could do that. So he asked if I could just fill in for her this week and I agreed. But I really really don't wanna. I could use the extra money though so I guess this is a good thing.
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Saturday, September 29, 2007

Oscar the Grouch
My car has been nothing but problems for me for the last few months. It needs a new transmission. That costs $850. Then after I get that fixed it needs close to a thousand dollars worth of more work done to it. Brakes, tie rods, a brake valve thingy, and a bunch of other stuff. My tire has been going flat really quick for the last couple weeks. So this morning I wake up, read a note that my sister Janette left and it says that my tire on my car is FLAT. She said she'll help me fix it when she gets home from work around five. So I go to see the tire. And it's not even the same one that's been going flat. I'm so pissed. I really hope nobody is messing with my tires on purpose. That would suck if they were, cuz when would it end? Everything is going wrong. I need a new car.

(Weirdo homeys gotta stick together)
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Thursday, September 27, 2007

   SHERWOOD LYRICS (Everyone else puts lyrics in their posts. Why can't I?)
"I'll Wait For You"

All in a day,
See it for yourself,
I'll make no change,
When you are somewhere else,
And I'll write for you,
Every chance I get,
Tell me you'll listen,
And say you won't forget

And I'll never say I don't have time, when you need me with you,
I'll stand in line, if you want me to, and I'll wait for you,
I'll wait for you

Everyday,
See it for yourself,
I'll make no plans,
When you are somewhere else,
And I'll sing for you,
Songs that no one hears,
But tell me you'll listen,
And say I'll have your ears

And I'll never say I don't have time, when you need me with you,
I'll stand in line, if you want me to, and I'll wait for you,
I'll wait for you

And if you have something to say,
Know I won't look away,
No, I won't look away,

And I'll never say I don't have time, when you need me with you,
I'll stand in line, if you want me to, and I'll wait for you,
I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you

I'll keep on waiting for you,
You'd wait for me, whoa,
I'll keep on waiting for you,
You'd wait for me (yeah) whoa,
I'll keep on waiting for you,
You'd wait for me, whoa,
I'll keep on waiting for you (I'll keep on waiting)
You'd wait for me, whoa


*Alright. I've had a long day so I'm gonna go write in my notebook =) and then I'm going to sleep. Goodnight (pretend I just squeezed your hand twice)
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Friday, July 20, 2007

My heart hurts
Not physically but emotionally. It feels like someone just yanked the most important thing to me right out of my hand. In fact that is pretty much what happened.

Yesterday Danielle did an amazing thing for me for our one year anniversary. It was a total surprise. She planned everything out and it was so sweet and so beautiful. And she was so sweet and so beautiful. Then, her mom decides to destroy everything.
She called right in the middle of our dinner because Danielle took two of her wine glasses (we didn't drink wine. We drank sparkling cider). She got mad at her even though she has 22 other wine glasses. So that was a downer, but we tried our best to get over it and we pretty much did. Then later her mom sends her a text saying that she has to be home at 1pm today. So yet again we had to try to make the best of the time we had and not harp too much on the fact that her mom is a total bitch.
This morning when we got up Danielle tried to call her mom to see if she could make her reconsider. Her mom said there was nothing Danielle could say or do to change her mind because she found something on Danielles old phone. Which I'll admit wasn't a good thing for her to find. But it was my old phone that I gave to Danielle, and she shouldn't have been snooping.
To make a long story short. I had to take Danielle home and I don't know if her mom will ever let me see her again. I'm trying not to freak out and just keep in mind that she can't keep us apart forever.
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me I looked like an arabic singer, I'd have one dollar.
My subject is funny cuz it's true... stupid gas station workers. I'm bored. I have to go to work in about 75 minutes, and I'm still in my PJs. I don't really have anything good to write about, I just thought I would waste some time on here (it's not like anyone actually reads these). I don't really have anyone food, I used all my food stamps at the beginning of the month and I don't get paid till tomorrow, so when I woke up I had a salsa sandwich. Mindy and Danny were like "eww, that's disgusting". It was actually pretty darn delicious. Alright, I'm done with this. I'm gonna go do a survey on myspace.
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Monday, June 11, 2007

   I'm a survivor
I finally went to the doctor today. My doctor was kinda weird. He kept calling me a survivor because I "survived" having a sore throat for two weeks. He gave me an antibiotic though, so hopefully I won't be sick much longer.
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