Tuesday, September 12, 2006

story snippet
finally, liana and i have moved far enough in our proof-reading to post something here for you to see.

please note, were putting this here because we really really want critiques. please something more than "ooh i like it!" or "this sucks you idiots!" were trying to make this as good as possible, and wed just like to know what people think.

this is from the beginning of our story (chapter 3 or so). it involves our usual characters inu and liana. at this point in the story, they barely know each other, and have been thrown together by chance. not going to say much more, as i dont want to give anything away. (there will be pictures linked throghout for character/creature refs)

WARNING: VIOLENCE

The group of eight spirits fanned out, cornering her against the water. Their bulky forms resembled a smooth blend of feline and canine shapes, the heavy limbs well muscled. Split horns framed their faces, one branch curving up, the other curving down to the sides of the blunt muzzled face. Long tails twitched behind them, keeping half the group balanced as they rose to their hind legs.

"Hello demon. What might you be up to in these parts?" one spoke as he rattled the unique necklace around his throat that every draevin wore. It always contained a topaz gemstone surrounded by silver. "I'd suggest you drop those weapons. You are sorely outnumbered. Your death might even be painless if you cooperate." The blunt feline face curved upward in cruel amusement.

Inu shifted her stance and raised both blades. “Do you honestly think I’m that stupid? You’d slaughter me as painfully as you could even if you caught me off guard.” She scanned the group, trying to gauge when they would attack.

"Face it, mutt. There are eight of us against one of you; even a higher-ranking demon such as yourself can't win under such odds."

*Two,* the thought resounded in their minds as the black dragon stepped out of the shadows. The draevin spat on the ground and stepped back. "So be it, devil. You will both die for your foolishness."

Inu kept her back to Liana, trusting the dragon to keep the draevin off of her by sheer bulk. She lunged at the leader, blades aiming to rip his gut open. Retractable claws slashed at her face from the side as he darted back out of the way. Inu spun to counter the two trying to flank her.

Liana roared and slashed, cleaving a draevin's head in two. Her tail whipped at one of Inu's opponents, causing him to fly back and hit a tree with a sickening crack. Brown eyes rolled back into his head, revealing the whites of his eyes as he went limp.

Inu looked over and attacked the one that was harrying Liana from behind. Her sword drove completely through its body and she kicked it away into its companions. Claws scored across her unprotected back, leaving burning lines of pain. She whipped around to take the offenders head off, but it skipped back out of her range.

Liana's green eyes blazed and the leader's features turned to horror. *Stop fighting or your leader dies.*

He shook his head abruptly and Liana felt his mind adapt to her assault, blocking her out. Fire erupted around Inu’s blades and she attacked him while he was distracted.

Another draevin leapt to meet her with blades of ice. He had scored two hits before Inu's mind registered who was attacking her. A flick of his ice sword and Inu found her dagger lying in the grass.

Inu tightened her grip on her sword hilt, trying to throw off the chilling cold that was spreading through her. The fire faltered briefly before blazing up again and spreading to encircle the draevin, trapping him within easy reach. Their blades crashed together, chips of ice and sparks flying.

He watched in dismay as one of his blades melted into a puddle of harmless water. Just when Inu was about to deliver the final blow, two more draevin came at Inu's sides to shower her with petals of ice. Icy pain speckled her skin and she was driven to her knees under the assault. Her fire dropped and the draevin with the ice dagger rushed her, spurred on by his two companions.

Inu was forced to take the defensive as they continued pressing her, scoring more hits as she fought to hold them off. Red eyes blazed with mad fury and fire exploded violently around her, driving them back. When it cleared, they found themselves faced by a black creature, a terrifying blend of canine and reptilian characteristics. Inu snarled and attacked with fang and talon.

The surge of energy registered dully in Liana's mind. That better not be her way of telling me she needs help. I cannot afford to look away right now. She yanked her mind reluctantly from the leader's and pounced with outstretched talons. She cursed mentally as he dodged yet again. Is there no way to kill these slippery creatures?

Inu’s snapping fangs and long claws ripped apart the draevin facing her before they had a chance to counter her attacks. She lunged at the two attacking Liana’s flanks, driving them back and keeping herself between them and their leader.

Liana bared her fangs, snapping and slashing as he dove under the attacks. *Vermin!* she sank her teeth into his arm.

He jerked away and saw one of his remaining companions fall under Inu’s claws. He gave a sharp growl and the one living draevin retreated from Inu. With their numbers balanced, it was pointless for them to keep fighting. With a final snarling curse in his own language, the remaining two melted back into the undergrowth.
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thank you very very much if you read all that. we would really appreciate if you could give us some good comments please.

~inu and liana~
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