Monday, May 12, 2008

Only Temporary!!!!! READ!
I will live two lives.
This first one, fuck it. I will still talk to the little friends I have in my new one. But this one. Fuck. It. I will move, change my life, be a better person, and I will be the A+ student I was to start with.
I will live my life better this time. I won't be the screw up anymore.
I am not following in anyone's, that I know of, foot steps. I will not ruin my life. I can promise you that.
Quit saying that I will ruin my life! You'll jinx me!! AND I AM ALREADY A JINX AS IT IS!!
*sighs*
Sometimes, I wish I cou'd have just been born, grew until I was seven and died right then. Right after my birthday. The year before my grandmother passed away. I was still a straight A+ PERFECT student. My family was proud of me. And so were my friends.
My family hasn't changed much about what they feel about me. My friends on the other hand, they think for sure that I am a disgrace. They keep thinking of me as a damn child. Most of them are younger than me.
They think I am immature and not right in the head.
I am far from immature. I am not right emotionally and I except that. I can cover it easily. I can still control myself. I am tired of everyone of my "friends" always jinxing MY WORTHLESS LIFE!! THAT'S Why I want to start over. But they. Won't. Let. Me. Leave.
If they were my real frineds they would let me go and let me live my life anew.
Message from my heart. And finally using that courage I left behind seven years ago to say it.



Make sure your hate overcomes you, otherwise you won't live in the stupid world. You have to let the hate control you, it will help you out of deep situations. Like confronting me.



"Nothing."

What goes trough my head everyday is nothing.
My heart and soul is filled with nothing.
What I own is nothing.
I am nothing compared to Her.
I want to be nothing.
It lasts forever and I am not ready to die.
I have so much to fix and no more time.
So, basiclly, my life is reduced to nothing.
I don't want to be someone's everything because when I am gone there will be nothing.
They will also think their life is nothing.
My love is nothing.
And it's what's left of my senses that tell me that I am still alive.
If I want to be nothing, let me be nothing. Please.
I want to last forever, to watch you live and some how protect you without being seen.
Nothing can do almost everything possible.
Still, there is one thing nothing can't do.
Keep me from loving you.

-Jinx D. Rees AKA-Jinx 13 ME (c) 4-11-08



"It's gone."

It's been done.
I have become horribly numb.
I can't even feel anything, not even hate.
Now all I can do is wait for the day I see that gate.

I feel the tears running down my face.
I can feel them disappear, without a trace.
I can't feel them any longer, no more.
My heart is also numb. I can't feel those soars.

They got horrible, so painful, now they're numb.
Why didn't you tell me anything? Do you think I'm dumb?
I hope you aren't serious. You can't go.
Do you know how hard it is to let someone you love leave you like that? I bet NO.

I know I have never been much of a help.
But you could atleast, to me, give out a yelp.
I don't wish to talk to you on any electronic, I want to talk to you face to face.
I don't care if you want your space.

We have been through alot together.
You were always there for me. And you will be forever.
Why can't you come to me?
I treat you like my own family.

Now you know why I can't trust anyone so easily.
You have literally driven me crazy.
I don't feel the love you gave to me.
I can't feel anything anymore....
I can't trust anyone... See?

Monady, March 31, 2008 10:34PM
Jinx 13 Jinx Rees ME



"What is wrong?"

What is wrong with you people? Tell me.
You tell me not to worry but you know what? I worry.
I may be heartbroken and feeling unloved,
But that doesn't mean I have to show it because deep down I know I'm loved.
I ask again. You still won't say.
I hope you realize that I will save your life someday.
Just tell me what's wrong.
I say I don't want to know everything about you but I only say it 'cause I'm not strong.
Not like you are. You have been through alot more than I have, or atleast that's what you say.
I have been through enough in my life, I wanted to give up. But hey,
I'm still here aren't I? I am now pushing myself harder than before.
You should do the same. Don't throw away your life like that. No more.
Why do you keep it inside? Don't you trust me?
I kept things inside before. And it hurt as much as hell. Why don't you tell me?
Explain everything. Every detail. I will be able to help then...
Even if it means walking to where you are. Near or far I will be there... Why is this happening again?
I shouldn't have to explain anymore. That's another thing. With my problems, I won't come to you.
You seem to have enough on your mind as it is. Hey, I am just saying what's true.
I wish I could bring you all with me. To run away from this hell.
Yet, you won't let me in on your secrets and your mind. You're always hiding in your shell...
It's useless. I understand blocking every one out for a little while. But not all the time.
Like I said in one of my other poems, I will do alot for Family of Mine.
You're stressing out over nothing. Take another look at life, a different way.
You would love the way I see it.
I am trying to be laid back. To work hard but still feel like I quit.
I love my life.
It may feel a little crappy at times. But I will never again pick up that knife.
Try not focusing on people. Just your work. That's what answers all my problems.
But of course, I bet you're thinking,"Well, I'm not you." And I am thinking,"It's so easy to read them."
Promise me one thing, talk to me once and awhile.
Not all the time because I'm not strong like you are. Not that strong at all.
That's all I will say for now.

And before you think of giving up, why don't you atleast answer my question.
What's wrong?

Jinx D. Rees AKA-Jinx 13 ME
(c) 4-2-08



"My wish. My sanity."

I wish I could explain the way I felt.
My heart has gashes, wounds, and welts,
From the many blows I have taken for Family of Mine,
Just so I could see them shine.
For I love them.
So much the love is flowing over the rim.
I do not understand this feeling,
And the walls in mind are pealing.
It's driving me away from my sanity.
These emotions are exploding inside of me!
Soon I hope they will stop so I can see clearly...
Until then -
_WELCOME_____________
_________TO___________
___________MY_________
_____________INSANITY_
By - Jinx D. Rees AKA - Jinx 13 ME


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