Wednesday, February 9, 2005

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I want to go ahead and warn everyone first. Yesterday/Today was one of the most emmotionaly charged days I've had in a while. I don't think I've ever gone from anger to spite to fear to angst to calm to hyper. To start our day off right let's give it to grandma. She knows how to find the one nerve that keeps you sane, and breaks it. I want to take them (them being the little ones and her) to lunch, seeing as how I have things I need to get done. But no ladies and gents, isn't all. The whole two Kilometers that we walked she complained. "Oh, if we went the other way, we'd be half way there!" and so on. I just wanted to tape her mouth shut honestly! 1) Is that wrong? I leave from Lunch and head home with my little brother in tow. From there, I got to writing and wrote my third installment of my Reanimatrix story and finished it. That was the bonus that almost allowed me a bit of sanity. Sadly, a German lesson and shit that happens later, I was ready to kill someone. I learned that I've been put on a two hour limit for the computer and computer all week. WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT? I also have been thinking about my friend that I left in GA. She was someone that I looked up to and also felt close to. I was watching music videos on Monday night and saw someone that looked like her and a conversation we had right before I left, I remembered something we had talked about before I left. No one get onto me for this, but it was over suicide. The night before I left we had a long four-five hour conversation about just stuff. We cried and talked about her boyfriends, and then as we left that topic, suicide came up. I had slipped it in, and she started telling me about some of the dreams she had a couple of nights of ago. It was her in a bathroom and a empty bottle of Asprin sitting by her, and she watched her life flash by her as she died. She woke up before she died, but it was something that got her thinking about her. Her life's flashes were horrible images of sadness. She had so much pain and suffering in her life, and I told her countless times that suicide wasn't something she wanted. I think she believed me, but seeing her image, it made me think, "Did I help her at all? Is she still alive?" I freaked out so much, that my Sis even got worried. I have no idea what to write now, so I'll just say goodbye.

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