Wednesday, November 30, 2005

   Cause of Emotions...

I figured out one reason why my emotions and thoughts have been all over the place.

I just got my period this afternoon.

Ahahaha...

I still feel all happy and giddy though ^.^

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

   Turn of Moods

I feel really good today, despite being sleep deprived with loads of homework pressing down on my shoulders. heh heh

Quite the turn of moods really. I tell ya, I was practically going out of my mind Sunday night, and then on Monday morning, when I talked my feelings out, I was back to my old self. Well, still a little uncertain about some things, but definitely happier.

Might there be a hint of giddiness here? Oh, I don't know! ;P (lol)

I know, I know, I'm silly. I'm just giddy and happy now.

Haven't been able to get a lot of sleep lately either. I've been trying to take naps, but I just end up lying on my bed with my eyes closed. Not that I'm complaining about resting, but sleeping would definitely be better.

I get lots of little reminders now to keep me happy. Owaa... ureshi desu (I'm happy)

Anyway, this isn't getting my assignments done, lol.

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Monday, November 28, 2005

The Next Step...

Having gotten a few things off my chest, I feel a bit better.

Only one person knows, and that's the most important thing. I still want to tell my other friends. I don't know how though... I still don't quite understand everything.

Or what to do or think for that matter.

But I feel better now, knowing that I have at least admitted the truth to someone.

The next step is going to be the hardest part...

If I choose to take the next step that is.

I should... because that's not fair to everyone.

It would be selfish of me not to tell everyone.

When I am ready, I will tell. When I am more sure, more confident, I will tell everyone.

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

   I'm So Confused...

I want to be open and honest with myself and with others about my thoughts and feelings.

But right now...

I don't even know any more.

I'm just so mixed up and confused...

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

   Stress

I haven't been getting enough sleep over the past few days. I'm so tired. Anxiety is finally catching up to me.

I woke up this morning with an upset stomach. The best way I can describe it was that it felt like my stomach was filled with rocks. When I moved (like walking) it felt like the rocks in my stomach were shifting around and grinding around each other.

Not a lot of fun. I was thinking about skipping my classes for the day and just spend it sleeping so that I would be wide awake to finish my essay for English, but then I remembered that I had a quiz I had to write for German class. A very easy adjective endings quiz. Naturally I had to go to that and Ace it (;P)

I felt a little better after my first class, and now that all of my classes are done for the day, it's time for me to get back to work on my essay. I'm not really sure where to start even... I think I've typed up all the quotations I'm going to use, so that should help a lot. I just have to put them in the right order, interconnect them with transitions and blah blah blah... Make it flow. I don't seem to have a problem making my writing flow.

I'm more concerned about getting it done on time though. I really need to get it done.

Thank goodness Komatsu-sensei was on MSN for most of the time I was... he always manages to cheer me up (see? There is an advantage to time being the complete opposite on the other side of the world).

Now you're probably thinking, "What the heck is Jo talking about?" Well, I made a friend in Tokyo, Japan and his name is Komatsu. He's really nice and likes to help me learn Japanese. Yokatta, ne? I get this kind of "older-brother" vibe from him. He generally wants to help teach me Japanese as best as he can. His English is okay, but I can make out what he's saying.

Anyway, he always keeps me from feeling down and mentally beating myself up. He's such a nice friend to have.

Anyway, I have to get back to work on my Essay.

Ja ne

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Bursts of Inspiration

I have a brilliant idea for yet another novel!

I just don't know whether or not it would be categorized as a "manga" or a regular novel... it literally could work as both. Naturally it's a romance (lol). A comic romance at that, which is all the better.

It's just really bad because I don't have time to write it! All of my assignments are due at the end of next week and I have one due this Thursday (*cries*)

Why do I always get these bursts of inspiration during the worst possible times?

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Friday, November 18, 2005

   Psychology Midterm #2

You know that psychology midterm that I've been studying so hard on? Well, I wrote it this morning... and I don't think I did well... :(

I studied as best as I could last night and went to bed nice and early so that I could get up at 7am and be all refreshed and alert. Well, that plan didn't work... I had a hard time falling asleep, and kept waking up because of my anxiety. So overall, I probably got about 2 hours of sleep. Most of it was on-set REM (psychology, don't ask) so I know I slept because I kept dreaming of the midterm and failing it.

I woke up half an hour before I was supposed to and was just plain exhausted from then until right before I went in to write my midterm. I was wide awake then, but I don't know how well my mind was functioning... I'm pretty confident in about half of my answers, so I hopefully passed...

Hopefully...

My roommate is studying for her psychology test tomorrow at 11:30am. That certainly beats 8:30 in the morning!

I'm so tired now... about ready to crash...

I finished the readings I was supposed to do, so I'm going to be okay... for now.

But I'm gonna go to bed and get some much needed sleep...

Gute Nacht!

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

   Applying Psychology into my Characters...

No quiz this time... this time I have stuff to write!

During my study break in the library today, I decided to give my mind a break from all the psychology I'd been reading and started to look at my characters for my novel. I began drawing out the family relationships each character had and as a result of my concentration, I sort of lost track of time... say... 45 minutes? I know, I'm so bad.

So I calculated which characters had families with decent incomes and which families would be rich, how many people lived with each character, how each character interacted with their family, etc. Quite a bit of work that I thought was important, but so worth it :) It makes the characters easier for me to identify with now so I can further develop them when I actually write about them.

And, since I was in the middle of studying psych, I was even more capable of interpreting why each character would act this and that way due to their home environments and genes and whatnot.

So, technically, I'm applying what I'm learning into something fun and useful for me in my future! GO ME!

Still, I could've done 45 minutes worth of studying instead of being creative... Stupid imagination getting in the way of my studies... lol

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Monday, November 14, 2005

   Diru Quizzy #2

So cute!

What random Dir en Grey thing or happening are you?
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This is my personal fav though (lol)

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Diru Quizzy #1

You are Shinya.

Which Dir en grey Member Are You?
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Nothing really new today... other than the fact that I have a ton of readings to finish in prep for my Psych midterm on Thursday... ew

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