Saturday, November 12, 2005

   That Cute, Smart, Nice Guy...

You know what sucks? Crushes.

I have a crush on this guy in my German 203 class. He's really cute, really smart and really nice. I've been lucky enough to have him in my group assignments so I'm very slowly getting to know him better on MSN (it's the only "place" that the group can meet outside of class time).

And I found out that his 22nd Birthday is coming up this weekend! I was so excited when he told me (I'm a sad person, I know, lol).

I was seriously thinking about telling him that I thought he was cute... but I was afraid that saying that might create tension. Maybe when the course is over, I can tell him, and that way if things get awkward it won't be as bad because I might not get to work with him again.

Just thinking that makes me feel sad...

I have an attraction to Asian guys, and he's the only guy that I am attracted to that's not Asian.

I was chatting with him for a bit on MSN about our German project that was due, when a bunch of girls on my floor were asking who I was talking to (because I was all giddy and happy, lol). When I told them that I was talking to "the hot, smart, nice guy in my German class" they were all like, "Ask him to send a picture of himself!"

NO! I can't ask him for a pic! That's crazy!

Though I wouldn't mind having one... hehehe

Ah, I'm hopeless... He and Natasha would make a better couple than me and him...

But I can still day-dream... *sighs*

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Wednesday, November 9, 2005

   MIndless Ramblings...

I'm working on my English essay right now. I started out really liking it, thinking it was a good piece of writing... only to find out that it rots. Sure it flows well, and the style is good... but everything else turns out to be pure crap.

Gah... I hate essays so much.

I can't be creative in them. I've tried that, and all that happens is that my points come out as being unclear because I'm being too abstract or not stating exactly what I'm trying to talk about. Well, sorry for making you think for yourself!

I'm seriously starting to question minoring in English. Before I was questioning about doing a double major in English and German, but figured that would be too much work. So I decided to minor in English and major in German. However, the courses I would have to take in English to get my minor are all essay based and critical analysis crap. The courses that I actually want to take (ie, Creative Writing I and II in third year, and Travel Writing in second year, etc) are all electives. That means that if I want to take all the courses that actually interest me, I'm going to have to take them in the summer or something because I simply don't have room during the fall and winter semesters.

It sucks balls. So in my second year, I'd have to take two fall courses and two winter courses that I really don't want to take, with no left over room for what I really want to take (ie, Travel Writing).

So I'm seriously thinking about screwing "minoring in English" and just take them for interest sake. I could minor in something else, but I don't know what right now.

So this is really bumming me out... that and my once "enjoyable" essay is now turning into yet another series of mindless ramblings. Structures just take all the fun out of things...

I don't know how my room mate finds essay writing fun...

She's just that crazy.

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Wednesday, November 2, 2005

   Happy Despite Everything

I haven't seen my roomie touch any of her homework at all today. How does she manage to do so well without doing a lot of homework? I just don't get it...

I spent two hours this morning working on my German 203 assignment (which is taking longer than it should, let me tell you!), one hour editing my first draft of my essay for English, another hour studying my notes for Religious Studies: Religions in the East for my test I have on Friday and I've been working for the past hour on the same German 203 assignment. I finished writing one paragraph in this hour. Dear Lord, how am I ever going to get through this German course at this rate?

So, over the next four hours or so, I intend of finishing my German 203 assignment (should be done in two hours hopefully, three tops) and editing my second draft of my English essay. I'm going to have to be really picky about every little detail to make sure I can get it to be as good as it can be.

But none of this is going to get done if I keep yapping and complaining about how much work I have to do tonight. I GOTTA THINK POSITIVE!

I was in a good mood all day today, despite getting my German 201 midterm back (getting only 62%) and getting just barely enough sleep. I don't know how I managed any of that at all...

I don't know how my roommate manages to get all her work done, sleep 10 hours a night and socialize for a couple hours on top of all that. How in the world does she do it? Well, one thing is for sure, she doesn't waste time writing in journals!

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

GER 203
I'm in class right now. I like this class. During discussions, I feel smarter in this one than in my other one (the other one is supposed to be easier). Maybe it's because right now we are talking about stuff I know and understand really well. Maybe that's why I feel smarter and more of a participant than with the other.

Ooo... now we're going to talk about Genitiv. Another tense I know from High School German. ^.^

Yay! I feel smart! Another boost in my low self-esteem/confidence!

I was talking to Sophia (in my GER 203 class) yesterday on MSN and she was asking me why I have low self-esteem, why I feel like everyone's judging me (it was also the first conversation I had with her, so I was rather open because it was MSN). I've had similar conversations with K-chan over MSN, so this wasn't something new to me, and it didn't make me feel uncomfortable.

Ah! class is almost over!
Aufgabe: Seite 143, Übung C und dann A

PS - I love having Alexei in my new German group again! He's not only really smart and nice, but he's really cute! ^.^
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

   Tired

I couldn't get myself out of bed this morning to study. I've been getting up early for the past few weeks and I'm just so tired from studying so hard. I'm still tired, but then I just got up too.

I was going to get up early today to study psych for my midterm tomorrow... but that didn't happen. I still need to put two hours aside to finish up my English paper. Thank goodness it's only Wednesday and I only have two classes back-to-back: German 201 and German 203. Then I have to finish my English paper and spend the rest of the day studying psych.

Ah, I'm so screwed...

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Joys and Pains of Writing

I can officially conclude that I'm horrible when it comes to writing essays. I won't get into that though... lol.

Well, maybe just a little. See, I can't organize my points correctly or something. Not to mention that I tend to unintentionally insert my opinions to try and tie things together, or finish a paragraph. My natural creative juices just get in the way of what I'm really supposed to do--which is state the facts in a non-biased way.

That just never seems to work for me. I can't write anything well if I can't fully express myself.

This makes it all the more difficult if I wanna minor in English or something. Everything is essay based. I want to be a novelist, where the only rules that really apply are grammar and spelling. You can do whatever you want otherwise and that's the kind of thing I like. There's no room for that in essays.

It just makes things more difficult for me... that's all.

I don't know what courses I should go about taking because there really aren't any "Creative Writing" courses here. At least, none that I can find.

So basically, I think the only way I can go about doing what I love is spending my free time writing my novels since there's nothing to really "guide" me closer to the writing industry. My best bet is to try and find a Prof (who has connections of course) who is willing to sacrifice some of his/her time into reading and possibly editing my stuff. If he/she is connected in someway with a publishing company, all the better if he/she likes my stuff!

The only problem I'm concerned about is that they might analyze it at the adult level if it's written for a teen audience or something, you know?

Actually, what I'm more concerned about is trying to find a prof that understands the genre my story is written in. What I mean by that is, the novel that I'm currently working on is a "manga" style series. This would make it all the more difficult to get published. If I were Japanese or lived in Japan, that's a different story. Here, I think it would be practically impossible.

The story that I'm currently working on now could be written as a novel, but it would be a ton better if it was a manga. The visual appeal I have in my head can only be so good in writing. With real images, everything would seem all the more alive.

Anyway... yeah. There's a seminar going on soon about choosing winter courses, so I think I'm going to go to that. I should go talk to my Advisor about this English course I was thinking about taking in the winter. I'm not sure if it's exactly what I'm looking for... Or I could try and find the prof that teaches it. That might be a better idea...

I dunno. I just want to be a novelist. And travel. And learn languages.

I'm so weird :P

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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Dir en Grey
Dir en Grey is evil... Not only are they SABy, but they're taking me away from my studies! *cries*

I love my new icon though XD
(even though I don't own it...)
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Tuesday, October 4, 2005

   Falling Behind...

I can't believe how far behind I am in my Psychology class! It's not like I'm putting off the readings, it just seems like there's too much to be able to keep up with it! In order for me to be caught up by the end of this week, I have something like 250 pages to read. x.x Then I have to get caught up in my readings for Religious Studies: Religions in the East, but that's only 50 pages in comparison to 250. But I need to get those 50 pages done for Thursday's night class because if I don't, I'll have a harder time trying to do the assignment I'll get in that class.

In German 203, I have to write 250 words on strategies on how to learn languages, or something like that. I need to get the rough work done tomorrow night so that I can show it to my group for Wednesday's class. I gotta write that all in German and I have no clue how to even start x.X

I think I'm okay in German 201... I just need to keep working at my Vocabulary, grammar and whatnot... but when I'm taking two German courses at the same time, if I study twice as hard for the one, it will balance off with the other. It's just a lot of work for me because I'm not as smart as everyone else -.-'

English 109 is practically a joke... I thought it would be a course to help me improve my essay writing techniques, but we only have one essay to write and then, two smaller assignments and a "portfolio" thing of 5 responses to 5 short stories/essays in this book we had to buy. Ever since classes started, this course had been basic grammar review. I should have tried to switch into another course... but I didn't. It literally is like the easiest one of my courses.

(of course it is, it's in English; I have to write in English and there aren't a lot of readings, so naturally it seems easy)

I tried to get a lot of my readings done on the weekend, but that didn't happen... Going to Dad's wasn't too bad on Sunday, but I wasted a good chunk of study time in his old house in Baden, then spent 10 minutes visiting my Grandparents. I should have stayed home instead of going to Baden because I was just getting into the groove of studying... *sighs*

I feel like such a loser here. I can't keep up with my readings and I'm struggling to understand my German 203 class. German 201 is pretty good now that I'm accustomed to it, but German 203 is killer...

Oh well, only good things can come out of German 203. I'll be ahead of the German 202 class in the winter! (202 is a continuation of German 201, which is like basic German, practicing speaking and whatnot). German 204 in the winter will be killer too x.X

Tina slept over Friday night. That was fun. We didn't to anything exciting, but it's always so much fun to just simply hang out (and listen to Dir en Grey music, lol).

I wish I had time to read my book "German for Reading Knowledge" that I bought at the used book store downtown before school started because it has basic lessons and stories to improve my knowledge of the German language... but I don't have time to read it.

It's not like I have to read it, it's just that it might be useful. By reading more in the language you're studying, the more you will learn and understand the language, right?

But I don't have time for extra stuff. I got enough of other (boring) stuff to read to try and catch up to my class.

*yahns* Ich bin sehr müde. Ich gehe ins Bett schlafen.

Bis bald!

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Thursday, September 29, 2005

   SOCK MONKEYS!!!!!

Gotta make this quick if I wanna be able to get up for class tomorrow morning...

In my residence, every floor has a theme. I have the smallest floor of 10 people (plus my Don makes 11) whereas all the other floors have 24 or 26 people. It's so nice! I know everyone and I love hanging out with them!

Anyway, my floor has the coolest theme! We're the funky monkey floor!

We're getting floor gear, which is a hoodie with a monkey embroidered on it and monkey slippers. Today, we started making sock monkeys out of--you guessed it--socks! So much fun!

Right now we just have the body and the legs. The look like giant penises and I named mine after my high school co-prez, Matt Dick. LOL! So, Little Dick sitting on the shelf over my bed waiting to be made so he won't look like a penis anymore, lol.

German is so hard here! I can't believe how much work it is! But then, I am taking two German courses where they speak 90% of the time in German and I have no clue what they're saying, so it seems a lot harder than it really is.

Today, I had to write the rules of strong and weak verbs and separable prefix verbs--IN GERMAN!

I feel sorry for my group... They all seems so smart and experienced and I'm straight out of high school...

I could've gone into 1st year German, but then I would have been bored out of my mind because it would be like redoing high school, so I went into 2nd year German. It feels like I can't keep up and I'm getting dumbing day by day!

I want to make it my personal goal to study twice as much as it's recommended you to do, but then my other classes would suffer and they're already not doing that great...

Plus, I wanna write my story, lol. Damn story... Yesterday, I finished writing two songs for the "band", but not much in the line of actual story writing. I'm trying to cut back on it... plus I kind of had to because I had that German thing to finish... which is probably soooooo bad! *cries*

I need to work on my vocabulary by making and using flash cards, but that takes so much time... But I should still do it because it really does work. I made some for this one section in my text and drew really bad pictures to represent the nouns and I almost remembered all of them after going through all the cards two times! Now, I pull them down from my board and can name them without hardly having to think....

That's what I need to do to memorize more words. It's the best way and it works for me.

But anyway, I need to get going to bed...

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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

   Music

I haven't written anything here for a while now... I've been studying and hanging out with friends in my dorm... and over the past three nights now (although, not too much tonight) I've been working on my newest novel. This one's original though and not fanfic! OMG! (lol)

Ja, I wrote chapter one on Saturday (2500 words) and chapter two on Sunday (4500 words---that comes to 7000 words in two nights! XD). I was on a freaking roll! But I couldn't do that tonight and I can't do that tomorrow cuz I have a Deutsch 203 project to finish. Plus, since I've been working so hard on this story and not paying attention to my classes, I'm now behind! *cries* I just can't win for losing...

Tina-chan called me today and we talked for 45 minutes! Naturally we were talking about Dir en Grey... LOVE the live version of "Garden"... so good, so good... XD

I've been trying to download new music (ie, try out some Jrock bands that I come across), but this program that I just downloaded to get my music isn't that great... I may have to go back to limewire (that that a couple years ago... they say the new version is awesome, so I may have to try that). I can't get anything good with this program I have now (Ares). Tina-chan says that Ares sucks and that I should go with Limewire. I think I'll do that because I really can't get anything good on Ares... Why do I have to have such weird taste in music???

Anyway, I'm going to get ready for bed... or maybe write some more of my story... lol.

I have an 8:30am class tomorrow, so maybe I should go to bed...

Gute Nacht!

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