Saturday, March 11, 2006

Mood: Happy Music: Here Without You by 3 Doors Down Sam slept over last night. It was fun, we are still alittle shakey though with the whole boyfriend over the internet. But, it's getting better... slowly but surely. I got my contacts. It took me 10 minutes to get it right. I'm so happy though that i got them.. After 3 years of begging. Tehe. My legs feeling a bit better. I'm bored. I don't know what to do. It's such a nice day, and i don't want to waste it. I have to clean my room though... or else... thats what my mom said at least. Tonight: I get to go and see my friends (well at least some of them) during the muscial. I wish them all luck Tehe. I think it will be good. At least, I've heard it's good. Hmmm.. i dunno, i'm bored.. i'm going to clean my room, and figure something out later... I mean it's warm enough for tank tops... no more coldness (actually i like it colder than hot but this weather is great) Anyway I'm going to go Thought of the Day: Yay!!! Contacts! ja ne for now ~Joninfox<3

Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, March 10, 2006

Mood: tired... and regret Music: Here Without You by 3 Doors Down Remember how i said i pulled a muscle...in my leg... yea..well i pulled it even more. I can barely walk. Oh well, I have two days to recover.. Hopefully I will. Thank god it's Friday :3 I get to sleep... an extra hour because tomorrow I'm getting my contacts! I'm excited! Tehe. I'm excited i lost 5 pounds (like anyone really cares, but that makes me excited) All my hard work is paying off :3 I'm finally getting down to a reasonable weight. Anyway enough about that. What's new everyone? Because nothing is here.. Not a damn single thing. I've been addicted to D.N.Angel. Fanfictions, anything. I just love the pair Daisuke and Satoshi they are so cute.. and Dark and Krad aren't that bad either. Erg, I need to read my English book or else i'm screwed. The test is Monday, and I have about 3/4 of the book done. It's a really sucky book though I can't get into it. It's, just, strange....Really strange. It's called Cold Sassy Tree. Tomorrow: Tomorrow I'm going to get contacts like mentioned above and then I'm going to see the school musical. It's the Music Man, a lot of my friends are in it. I was going to join, but I get too shy. I need to get over that... really ...badly. Well I need to get into the shower... I smell.. from practice... like you all needed to know that though. Tehe Thought of the Day: I should have told my coach about my leg so I didn't over use it.. ja ne for now ~Joninfox<3

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Mood: tired Music: All the things she said by Tatu I'm tired, and sore. I've had softball everyday so far except Sunday. It's alright. Don't get me wrong I like it, but i'm natuarally a shy person... soo the people i don't know on my team i kinda don't know... but yea.. ANYWAY New, layout theme-ish type thingy. D.N. Angel's Daisuke and Satoshi... omg they are are great couple Tehe... Schools been alright, boring, like usual. Damnit, my leg hurts... i pulled a muscle today :( I don't have much else to say... Wait, yesh i do! To NarutoBlackMail, You are Defintally NOT a Bad friend! I heart you <3 Just because you weren't there that doesn't mean that you still don't care you can't be there everytime ya know Tehe. Also thanks for the people who commented me. I'm happy to know people care <3's to everyone :3 ja ne for now ~Joninfox<3

Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, March 3, 2006

   sorry about the previous entry, i was just feeling really really extremely bad. Well today was good. Didn't do much, softball started, then later i went with my friend Kara to Mcdonalds, i really hate McDonalds, the only reason i went is i like their shamrock shake thingys... man they are like crack... i have to wake up early tomorrow, softball practice at 9:30-12, heh, oh well, i have to walk :( damn i dont feel like walking 1.5 miles.

well thats all i have to say for now

<3 Jonin
Comments (3) | Permalink

Monday, February 27, 2006

   sorry it's been so long, just been busy and stressed. I really scared myself tonight. Like badly. I broke down. I couldn't breath i felt so helpless. The tears wouldn't stop flowing. I started to hyperventalate(sp) and shiver. I couldn't control anything... and i was scared, really scared. I found that i need to stop sitting around and thinking. It leads to bad things. I makes me realize i'm human, and i have a brain. My eyes are sore i cried, shook, and everything else for a good 25 minutes. I haven't cried this hard.... in a loong time... it's almost been 3 years since i've cried this hard. Can you believe it three years. That also means it's almost been three years since my dad passed away. I just started bawling. I started talking about my day to a friend on the interent, and then somehow i started to mention my dad. Then it blew up from there. The stressed piled up on the grief kinda made me go overboard. He ended up calling my because i was shaking to hard i couldn't even type. Somehow i calmed down. He's such a good friend. My eyes are red, sore, and puffy. My head hurts and I feel sick/dizzy. I'm going to bed because i only got three 1/2 hours last night.. Sorry for the depressing /sad/ unhappy whatever you wanna call it post... it just makes me feel better to type it or write it. Damn i'm exhausted

Michelle
Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, February 12, 2006

   fun

Mood: joyful Music: My December by Linkin Park I'm still sick, but not as bad as yesterday. I stayed home from school again. Nothing much for me too say... well if your interested in reading my SasuxNaru oneshot (rated T for teens) it's nothing but a bit of fluff and some angst. It's shonen-Ai.. thats all the warnings i have...still interested keep reading... I was sick thursday and friday. I had some weird virus or something. I was a lot better yesterday so i went and met up with a friend at 10:00 am. We went to her house, and I made us some breakfast.. She liked downed 10 pancakes lol. Then we went to her cousin's house and I helped babysit. It was fun and her cousin is adorable :) She's a doll. The power went out last night. ::sighs what an experience... anyway when the lights went back on me and Kara had a good time. She slept over. We were up until 4 a.m. Talking, watching dvds and on the internet talking to beef... i dont feel like explaining who beef was. Then we woke up at 9 something...well thats when she did and i woke up like 8:30 or something. I didn't bother waking her. Anyway, this morning.. while i was making breakfast i put on a blackmail home video of my brother... it's just so cute so i had to show it to her tehe. Then we talked somemore and watched some more dvds until she had to go home at 3. We weren't even really dressed... I'm babbling lol.. anyway I had a good time thats what i'll sum it up to... Oh it snowed... we got about 6-8 inches.. :) ja ne for now Joninfox

Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, February 10, 2006

still sick and tired
I'm still sick, but not as bad as yesterday. I stayed home from school again. Nothing much for me too say... well if your interested in reading my SasuxNaru oneshot (rated T for teens) it's nothing but a bit of fluff and some angst. It's shonen-Ai.. thats all the warnings i have...still interested keep reading...



The world seemed to stop before my very eyes as I watched you standing in front of me, those damned throwing needles sticking from odd places in every direction. It looked so painful. There was blood dripping from the wounds in rain-like droplets. You had protected me, yet I could not understand. You hated me.

Why? That was the only word I knew then. A complete shock froze my already numbed body. As if in a terrible dream I ran toward you, light-headed and heavy-limbed. I caught your broken body. You were light in my arms, stickied and warmed with your life blood. You looked up at me. That dark hair was ruffled, no longer perfectly combed. Your eyes, those black orbs of yours, expressed something I never saw before. Although they were faded and hollow, they for the first time were inviting and emotive.

You were scared, were you not? You were only twelve, your whole life ahead; you were not ready to die. There was so much you wanted to do and so much to learn. Not like this! You were not supposed to die like this. Not with those tortuous needles stealing your dreams, your life.
I was scared too. I was losing the only thing I ever had, that which gave me purpose. You and the rest of team seven were the only ones to accept me. All of you gave me something, a reason to live. You can not leave me with nothing! Please do not leave. I would give it all away. I would give my entire world away to protect the ones I love.

Love… was that how I felt about you? Was it beyond friendship, beyond this rivalry? Every time we sparred and your body brushed up against mine, this fluttery feeling in my heart was not from the excitement I felt. It was something completely different. It was something much much deeper.

I held you closer to my body. The boy who did this to you stood not too far away watching the exchange like we were some show on television. This was kind of like a soap opera after all. Your hand touched my face. Those calloused hands gingerly brushed my cheek. You brushed my tears away. When had I started crying? I stared deep down into your eyes, but my vision had become blurred. It must have been the tears welling. I blinked and new tears clouded my eyes and flowed unchecked.
The December wind nipped our faces. I still sat there holding you to my chest. It seemed those moments hung in the air for an eternity. Still that question ate at my insides. “Why? I didn’t ask you to!” You are my best friend, more valued than my own life. This friendship had matured even beyond that to become something far grander than any friendship.

You chuckled, and I can still hear your soft voice, strained from the pain, whisper, “I don’t know, dobe, my body just moved on its own.” Your ivory hand was stained crimson, as now was my cheek as you caressed it.

You began to choke on words pertaining to your brother. The words carried empty desires of revenge against he who was your brother. It was then I took it upon myself to fulfill your dreams of revenge. Your will would live through me, for you were worth far more than I could ever hope to be.

Your silken touch faltered as your hand dropped from my cheek. Those dark eyes flickered a final time then closed. I realized at that moment that we would never be together again. Reminiscent memories flooded my mind from our first kiss (accidental of course) to the time we first battled as a team only a few weeks before. It was scary to realize that you would not be here anymore. You will never know it, but you were one of the only reasons I am still here today. Our rivalry and our friendship kept me from the dark depths of depression and kept me from wallowing in my own sorrow.

I held your body closer to mine allowing my tears to turn to sobs. I whispered in your ear hoping that my whisper would float on a snowflake to heaven and reach your ears.

“I love you with all my heart, Sasuke.” Everything seemed so clear now. When you have something, you do not realize how special it is until it is gone. I really did love you. I wished I had never said all those bad things. I should have realized it sooner, I was the dobe you always said I was. I should have told you sooner, but I guess it is all just a snow-covered dream which will melt away.

The reality of it all came crashing down on me. I looked at the offending boy who had killed the only one I ever loved. I felt the rage course through my body. Pure hatred pumped through my veins. I let the thing in the back of my head take control while the thought of you still lingered like a snowflake falling on the air. The sadness within exploded into rage. I do not remember the words we exchanged. It ended when I saw his mask drop. The hatred that welled up inside of me contorted into confusion and betrayal. It was the boy from before, the one that I had mistaken for a girl. He was the one who started me thinking maybe there was more to my feelings for you. My anger was stayed while my logic crashed. My thoughts consisted of you. My mouth and body acted independently. I cannot remember a word I said to this boy, but I remember the pain throbbing in my fist after I punched him. The last thing I remembered was the boy on the ground next to his partner, Zabuza, for whom that boy cared deeply. Haku, that boy, died at the hands of my sensei. It was not supposed to happen that way. He ran from our fight to protect the one he loved, the one he cared for more than life itself. Did you care about me as much as I cared for you? I walked toward Sakura. I did not love her though. The mere thought of being with her made me shudder.
She ran toward me. The first thing she asked about was Sasuke. She had always cared about him the most. I could not look at her to speak the truth about our comrade. The tears began to flow from my eyes again as she ran past me. I turned to see her crying on his cold, lifeless body. I felt a surge of jealousy run through my being. I felt as thought I should be the one weeping over your lifeless body, but I got to be with you during your final moments of life, which I would trade for nothing in this world.

It was like my snow-covered dream thawed from the December ice and bloomed into a gorgeous spring flower. A miracle happened, and I would never forget this moment in time. My body filled with indescribable joy. Not even the greatest of writers would be able to find a word to match this feeling within me. The moment I saw those ebony eyes open and that ever so sexy voice express the pain he felt throughout his body caused by Sakura’s embrace, I had to make sure I was not hallucinating. I walked over to you and dropped to my knees. Tears swelled in my eyes and my hand reached out to touch your soft ivory skin laced with blood and tears. My hand stroked your cheek like you had done those infinite moments before.

I received a strange look from Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, and you but at the moment I did not care. I did not care if you thought it strange, and Sakura did not even cross my mind at the moment. It was such a shock, I had to see if you were really here, if I really did receive another chance.

“Sasuke,” I began, but my voice faded into the wind. You knew though, all the things I tried to say. Before I could react, you had passed out again. I reached out and cradled you in my arms, leading a somber procession back to the house where we were staying. The images of you dying in my arms returned bringing more tears that rolled down onto your lovely skin.

Two mornings after the incident, you awakened. I had not slept or eaten since you passed out. I had to make sure you did not try to leave me again. “Sasuke,” I hesitated. I had to tell you, but I decided it could wait just a little longer. Rest is what you needed now.

“Dobe.” I felt your familiar hand on my cheek. It was a long comforting silence that followed. I leaned into the feel of your warm hand to savor every moment of this bliss. There would not be another chance like this.

The silence blended into sound so subtly that I could not discern when the silence ended. First it was the sound of my heart thumping in my ear, then it was the sound of our breathing. The sounds crescendoed into a hushed lull as you whispered. The sound seemed so natural that it took some time for me to make sense of what you said. Then a smile crept onto my face. More profound words were never said to me. That is how I knew. I knew that my snowflake delivered my message.

You embraced me in a soft hug, still frail from the events two days prior. A void was filled in me, and for the first time I felt complete as those words continued to dance about my head, “I love you too, dobe.”


soo...what did you think?
Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, February 9, 2006

tired and sick
I'm tired and sick. I got my report card this week. I got all A's and 3 B's i raised my C in History to a B- soo happy. my midterms we pretty good i got two C's tho.. oh well doesn't matter. I found a new anime i like it's called D.N. Angel it's really good so far. Well i haven't done much this week. Went over a friends house yesterday had a lot of fun. I also finished a naruto oneshot i was really proud of it actually.. i think i might post it on here tomorrow if i remember. I stayed home from school today i got sick.. like really sick.. and i'm probably staying home tomorrow. Oh course i miss when i have a crap load of test ::sighs:: i'll get over it. I'll just have to stay after school a lot. well even though i slept all day i feel like ran a marathon.. so i'm off to bed

see ya :)
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

   nothing special
This isn't anything special.. No special html stuff.. I'm over my cousin's on her computer...so i'm not messing with anything. I have midterms this week. I had the french one today it was easy. I had 45 minutes to do nothing. then homeroom then left and hung out with maggie. In march we are having some sort of dance. It's kinda formal so i have to find a dress.. i'm actually excited. Um, tomorrow i have world history and skills for living (home economics) midterm... I'm sooo dreading World History midterm... damn hindu islamic stuff.. can't remember it... (no offence to anything it's just hard to remember) anyway... I finally raised my c to a b- hopefully it stays... maybe.. that would be nice... anyway... so now i'm off... because i have too...so bye
Comments (3) | Permalink

Saturday, January 14, 2006

   first time i cried in 2 frigin years

Mood: I need a hug Music: Fragrance, by Gackt I was going to update yesterday, but stuff happened. I didn't have the best day yesterday. I really can't believe what happened yesterday. It almost feels like a dream... or a nightmare. I don't think i have ever been that mad before ,or that upset. I cried for the first time in 2 years. Everything was just like getting stabbed in the heart with an imaginary dagger. Ripping the flesh into little slivers of nothingness.. Ok enough with the description. I just feel so.. i dunno i can't even put it into words. Well it all started with my friend asking me to sleep over. For some reason my mind was telling me not tonight, but of course do i ever listen. So i went over there it was all right in the beginning, but around 9:00 we started talking. Mind you, this is the friend who has the whole internet boyfriend thing. I dunno how it became this topic but somehow it went on the topic of the internet boyfriend. She said she was pissed at me for what happened the other day with the whole bad friend thing. And i said well i was pissed at her and still alittle pissed at her. She asked why.. the whole time i was thinking why wouldn't I be. So i told her all the reasons why. Because she called me a bad friend for caring about her, he's from oklahoma it's not going to work out, and a bunch of otrher stuff. Well to make a long story short. I told her it wouldn't work out. All the reasons why. She wouldn't listen. And aparently this kid she has know for about a month means more to her then our 6 years of being friends. I left, ran home, broke down on the way in some persons back yard i was cutting threw. Call my friend maggie who was going to come over, but her mom wouldn't let her because it was passed her curfew ( it was 10 pm and she lives about a 15, 20 minute walk if you're walking fast that is.) I broke down. It felt so weird to cry i haven't in two years...i feel... betrayed in a way erg, i have a project for social studies to work on... and i'm writing my fanfiction story... so yea i'm going to do that stuff to get my mind off of it.. And for anyone that reads all of this... thanks for listening to my ranting :/ ja ne for now Joninfox

Comments (2) | Permalink