Friday, June 8, 2007

   8/6-07
Seems like life is going pretty damn bad right now... I don't know if people reading this cares but atleast I get it out of my system.

Everybody expects me to be in a different way. Mom, my sister, mom's girlfriend, dad, everybody wants me to be somebody I'm not. I'm tired of it.Everything I do apparently is wrong to them and I'm afraid of losing control. That's my biggest fear. It wasn't like yesterday I ran away from home and showed up at Joel's place in the middle of the night. I just had it, you know? Joel's my sanctuary. Especially since I broke up with my boyfriend. God I can't believe he ditched me. Without Joel I would be lost now. I feel kind of sorry for him to have to put up with me running away from home and waking up his whole neighbourhood. He's the one that's keeping me whole right now. Maybe that's what my ex didn't manage to do? Anyway I feel that with Joel's help, I'm going to gain, and keep, controle.
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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

   22/5-07
My life's just become a fucking hell. My dad's ditched me and my siss again. He accused my mom for being the "reson" for my so called "behaviour" just because she's lesbian. I haven't told him that I'm gay too. I don't dare. He would kill me. Atleast I'm smart enough to keep quiet around him. My sister doesn't. She's always arguing with him and causing unnecessery fights and argues that in the end always end up with me covering her ass... If he founds out about my boyfriend he'll kill me. I'm serious he will. And I actually thought that my life could get any more fucked up then guess what. My extra grandfather decides to go and get a fucking heart attack... Wonderful eh? And after that it actually just got worse... I've got one incident report for fighting with Joel today and we're gonna less my cat pass on this friday. MOM'S GONNA DRIVE HER TO A FUCKING VET AND GET HER KILLED!! SHE'S MINE GODDAMNIT AND WHERE DO YOU THINK I AM GOING TO BE? IN MY FUCKING SCHOOL JUST KNOWING THAT SHE'LL BE DEAD WHEN I COME HOME!!! I've had her for as long as I can remember... Fuck I love her almost as much as I love my boyfriend :*( HOW CAN GOD DO THIS TO ME!?
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Friday, May 11, 2007

  Yaiy me and my friends!^^ I'm gonna have my three best friends at my place on thursday! (hope I spelled that right...) We're gonna watch Saw three and Emily, my female friend, hopes to get "close" to my friend Philip. Yaiy her -.-* I guess I'm gonna sit with Joel and laugh at people getting tortured on TV and Philip getting raped by Emily ;) Joel and Philip are like my little bro's ^^ But I have had a crush on Joel. Last year. And I think he's asked me out twice *think 'til head hurts* Yupps. I was just to stupid to get it^^ He sat in my lap today. Poor me had gotten pushed up against a wall and fell back on a chair... He's so light! Might be because he's so short^^ Well anyways. CAN'T WAIT 'TIL THURSDAY! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
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