Gender •
Male Location • in my happy place Member Since • 2007-04-07 Occupation • ummm Real Name • Joshua
Personal
Anime Fan Since • forever Favorite Anime • naruto,miazaki films, Death Note, Hellsing, Dragon ball Goals • to learn the dance THRILLER Hobbies • drawing Talents • drawing
myOtaku.com: joshanime2
Sunday, June 7, 2020
Sad Times
Hello again. I didn't think that I would ever post on here again. I figured that it would be another seven years or when this site washes away with time. Whichever comes first. Instead I came back in six months. Maybe there will be new posts. Who knows??? Sometimes you just need to voice thoughts and tumblr never feels quite right. Having to put your honest feelings under a readmore is not as fun.
Where to begin? The world went super scary in a matter of months. Viruses and police brutality obviously.
My grandfather passed recently. I still hate saying it. I remember being a child staying at my grandparents place reading my Shonen Jump thinking of all my friends here and what I was going to tell them when I get home. He was a great man and grandfather. Its just so much to take in all at once. I'm so far away from my family. I have my wife and that makes all the difference in the world but I still hurt.
I've always held such a fondness for these nostalgic sites. I love seeing what we created in these days. It warms my heart when things are tough, but this is the first time I find my heart reaching wanting to lay in the warmth of the memory of my childhood. My heart for just a while wants to rest in a time where I was with my family, my past pets, my past friends, and my grandfather.
Its not like I am unhappy now. I love where I am at. I have friends I adore. New pets that fill me with warmth. Plants that fill me with pride. New family that I love to share time with. Most importantly the love of my life that is my everything. I have so much in my life that means so much to me. I am where I need to be. Nonetheless I am hurting. Hurt feelings are sadly not the most logical.
The act of writing this is giving me a comfort that is also illogical. Its warm and familiar. Like sleeping in my childhood bed that is too small for me. I stare at the ceiling feeling the warmth of the love that has been put into this site. It lulls me into a sleep where I dream of times both good and bad. Those I would part with and those that I would keep close to me. Those images and songs that I would play on repeat and the awful jokes that I would later cringe at. Crushes that were silly but set butterflies in my stomach. Those late night discussions with the final crush that would never end. These images float in an easy peace.
Then I wake up.
I am in the now. In a time where I hurt. Maybe once I would have felt like this dream is too good to wake up from but I know that I must sow the seeds for my next warm dream. Dreams of when I was a young adult with my wife feeding fries to our dogs. Of tomato plants that grow out of control. Of the time that the pipes broke. Of the bad times we held each other through. Of the sights in my old dreams I never knew I would see (Kentucky is so gorgeous).
One day this will be another dream of many. It hurts now but my old dream was not perfect. I had many hardships in those old days that my heart yearns for. Many traumas that scar me to this day. When I distracted myself from my dads fight with alcoholism with this site. As much as those times hurt me I left many seeds of love and warm memories that flowered into the dreams and memories that I have today. As was then is now. Then as it was, then again it will be. I will plant new love and new memories with the heartache and trauma. I will dream of this time. I will dream of this post. Then I will wake up and do it again.
For now this bed is comfy and I think I will stay a little longer. What good is a dream if you can't get lost in one for a minute?
If you read this all the way through thank you and I love you. Here is a song. I think we'll meet again very soon myOtaku. The next time I need to talk.
Sad Times