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• 2007-04-07
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• Joshua

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• to learn the dance THRILLER
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myOtaku.com: joshanime2


Friday, December 25, 2020

   Merry Christmas MyOtaku
It's been a minute hasn't it? Not as long as usual but a few months. I won't lie. It has been exceedingly difficult the past few months. I think everyone can share the sentiment. 2020 has been a strange and traumatizing year for all.

Against my better judgement at the tine I saw my family and I am glad I did. I was able to get through the process of air travel safely since it was rather early in the year and no one was flying. I couldn't get away with it now. I needed that visit more than I can even put into words. As I said last time I felt myself yearn for that memorable feeling of childhood. With my family I healed and mourned for my grandfather. I can't say I had definitive closure but I came back stronger than before.

The next several months were rough for my wife and I. We lost people to Covid. I feel a part of me has permanently gone down a path I never wanted to go down but we do what we must to survive the year. After seeing the carnage of this disease I feel a part of my mind has become cold to those that actively spread it.

The concept of me yearning for my childhood seemed to have a sliver of prophetic-esque serendipity. I got a switch about a week ago and have been playing breath of the wild. This game... Is everything I wanted in a Zelda game as a child. I rediscovered so many buried memories of my youth. Even memories of here when I first joined MyOtaku with my obsession with Zelda. My old account was littered with Zelda comics. I'm sure there is Zelda love buried in this site as well. A half year ago I was crying my eyes out missing the child I was back then, but in a strange way now at Christmas-when past memories are strongest- and with a catalyst of a Zelda game bringing out everything from the vault of my mind I feel that child. I am no longer him but I feel him by my side. I feel his hope and dreams. I feel his ambition and wonder.

So here I am tonight. On Christmas morning typing this down as my wife is asleep. We are staying home this year because of a potential recent Covid exposure. Our first Christmas ever alone. How would I say I'm feeling? I can't say I'm really Okay since it still is 2020.I guess I feel warm in spite of the storm in my life and mental space. In this moment I feel the love and joy of days gone by. It's strange this is both the worst Christmas and the best Christmas I ever had. I've never felt such a conflicting balance of the blues and happiness.

I'll wrap this up now. I already see me coming back on new years Eve to blab again because I am not done at all. If you are reading this my old friend and the only other person on this site happy holidays. I'm sending you my best wishes. To everyone else I hope you are doing great. Whenever you see this. Now gonna leave another American Football song called Silhouettes. It is a nice wintery emo song. Don't judge me too hard if the html doesn't work I'm on mobile ;)
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