Tuesday, October 5, 2004

   waaayyy too many credit hours
I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die.
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Friday, October 1, 2004

   shtuff
yeap, that's how it is yo.
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

   So...
anyone up for ice cream? ...
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Monday, September 27, 2004

Memory #1
Sitting at a table he leaned over with a scrutinizing look in his eye and critically asked, "Why are you always so mysterious?"

Startled I looked at the boy whom I had rarely thought to talk to. We were on two different levels, he and I, of the stereotypical popular sort and the unknown (those that were, and those that wished to be).

It was at this moment in my life, that I realized the facade I had worked to produce, one that would protect me from the external harshness of the world, and allow me to make my own decisions about people, had utterly saturated my appearance. I had become that which I sought, that which--when confronted with in a mirror-- I detested.

My desire to make friends had been spited by the fact that I came off as 'mysterious', an unknown factor, that should have been interesting, but perhaps despite the deepness to my persona, came off as a shallow pool of water that merely reflected an image, one that grew dull when not allowed passage into the depths of this pool, forcing the viewer to move on.

My desire for this boy to know me, or any part of me beyond that which appeared in the phsyical, was purely vanity. I now believe it anyway, for the friends that I had made up to that point were carefully chosen, were let through my gates by an absolute choice, hand picked like the finest and sweetest fruits of the orchard. People that I knew, like the most beautiful trees, would produce even more fruits, those of friendship and longevity, that I could only hope to return fully.

For that instance in which I replied to him with a question, I thought perhaps if I had not been so quiet, not so shy, not so, me. I might have had different friends, been accepted into the greater society.

This lasted for five minutes before I realized...

I like who I am. If I am percieved as mysterious, so be it. I loved my friends, and who I was becoming, if that is a mystery to the world, so be it.

Most importantly, I like who I have become, despite any "bad" choices I make, I know they are mine and not choices forced upon me by anyone, or influenced by any other source but my own mind, for in all of us exists that own sense of mystery, to which we do not understand the choices we make sometimes.

And yet, we make them anyway.
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Today
"I stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago" I pondered to myself as I casually walked home with a diet sunkist in hand, sipping to my hearts content. "The irony", I thought, "is that I love writing them..."

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great yellow moon
there is a pain that eminates from deep within us. That finds it solace in the great yellow moon. That bleeds into the clouds that envelop that silvery orb. The mystery of the night casting shadows on our lives. Defining the dark shapes inside our hearts, breathing the coolness of our souls, giving energy to the parts of us that sleep. The sensation of our flesh being gripped by the cool night air, biting and yet so comforting. Is that one of the lessons we are taught? The bite of love, the love of pain, and bite of pain, all hoplessly intertwined to make us complete. Or maybe there is none, and we are to simply appreciate the beauty that appears to us when we least expect it...through a cloud of smoke, killing ourselves as we feel more alive than ever.
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Saturday, September 25, 2004

Nothing really...
Iunno, life is crazy dontcha think? People come and go, and we're stuck as ourselves wondering what happened 5 min ago when you were once loved or you loved or you didn't. When everything was good and life was perfect and then you hit a wall and things collapse in on themselves, and you sit as yourself. wondering what happened. So you listen to your favorite music and realize how ironically it fits your life. Or just dwell on the tunes that flow easily into your head and fill the room as you envelop yourself into the nothing that is or was or will be. Past, Present--future. that's what it's all about. That's what everything is about. Play the game right, and you win.
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Thursday, September 23, 2004

   School Daze
Hmmm, work work work, pulled an all nighter last nite, isn't that what college is for? Yeah, plenty to do, but looks like this weekend might not be as hellish as last weekend. I might get some art of my own even completed. You never know! See ya all around ^_^.
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Sunday, September 19, 2004

   mmhm
Well on the one hand i finished another piece of work that I'm pretty proud of, on the other my best friend just wrecked my car so I'm kind of just neutral right now. lol Ah well, what can ya do? Viva la revolucion!!! whatever that means. See ya all around ^_^!
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Saturday, September 4, 2004

   jeez!
Ok so I get on this morning and i've got 6 more votes, yay! but I guess they were all "no" votes because my rating dropped from 91% to 88%, jeez! Does someone hate me? lol Did they just go through all of my work and were like "no..no..no..no" I didn't think I had made any enemies but maybe some people just don't like my critiques? Is it really possible they don't like my art THAT much, or just that a group of people hated one of my drawings? lol. Ah well, crushed but still alive.. :\
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