Saturday, August 20, 2005

   >.>
Hey people. Well yeah. I know, I know >< I haven't been on here and I haven't been making my usual weekly or dayly e-cards! But I made one! =D Shweet! Um...Yep! ^.^ That ish about it! xD Talk to everyone later! >P

~Kaganui/Aruri/Ally
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Monday, August 15, 2005

   Wow!!!
Holy crap! It has been so long that I last came here. o_o I am so sorry people! Oh! And I will make some new e-cards tonight and pst them and everything tomorrow. I promise. I am like..way behind schedual! Oh! ^.^ I took some cute pictures of me I think so here they are. I don't know why I am placing these here but here ya go! Oh! Comment on them please!

Kinda blurry but yeah!


Wow....What ish that?


I won that shark at Six Flags! I beet my mom at the water shooting taraget game! xD It was great!


MY CONVERSE!!! <3333333


I like..Flowers? o_o
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Sunday, July 31, 2005

   =/ No one
Well, I am kinda mad. Hardly anyone comes to my site. i guess it is my fault for not having a cool site and all. Maybe I should change that. Well anyways:

So yeah! I have a new music video!! Can you guess who that ish?! Hehe!! One of my favorite singers! Hikaru Utada! Hehe! She is great! So yeah!! And I also changed my theme to pink. I dont really know why but yeah. >.>

Well anyways! I am going to six flags tomorrow! i cant wait but I dont wanna go on the roller coaster alone! Well...upside down ones at least! I mean! I am so used to people going with me and my boyfriend isnt going to be here, my one friend is too big so i cant take her because she wont be able to go on anything. This one chick i am mad at because she tried to kiss my boyfriend, and another one said she couldnt come! It sucks! So I dont know what i am gonna do!! Whaa!!

Well, so yeah! I start school on Monday..or..Tuesday! I dont know what is going on! >_O

I gave to go! Byes!
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

   So yeah.
So yeah. I updated my site. I know I know. I have been away for a bit and I havent made any e-cards. I will make more e-cards soon. I promise. Just not now because I am very lazy and I am still pissed because they deleted my good ones. -.- Fucking mods. But oh well. That is their job. Nothing I can do but be reasonable about the situation... >.> So yeah.

Well the theme is Naruto. Well..Sakura to be exact. My theme for my MySpace is that as well. Hey! Check out my MySpace sometime! I am serious! GO!! GO MY SERVANTS OF..yeah...Nevermind. Just click the link abouve and such whenever you wanna.Its hella cool and I have a new theme everyday with a new song and everything! \m/ It pwnz! So yeah!

Check ya later! Peace!!

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Saturday, July 23, 2005

Very long and please dont judge me by anything your read...Please... *wipes the tears from her eyes*
Okay: Well...I went to the Epidemic and yeah. It was going really good and everything. I met up with some old friends like AJ and Natasha. And I met some new people who i knew but didn’t know that well like Steph and this girl Spike. So yeah. It was all good until kinda around 9 I guess. Ed wasn’t really talking to anyone and was sitting alone. Steph told me that I should go over there and give him a kiss and tell him “I Love You.” To try and make him feel better but I didn’t do it because I don’t know..I didn’t really have the right moment. I mean. For something like that out of the blue I need a certain moment and yeah. I didn’t have it. So..later Ed walks away to go look for..Uh…this one dudes name. I forgot it. Damn…So Steph and Tasha come over to me and Steph randomly asks how long Ed and I have been together. I say about 6 months. Then she asks if I have lost my virginity. And. I said yes. And she asked if I lost it to Ed and I said yes. So she grabbed Ed and went to go have a talk to him about sex I guess or whatever.

When she was done she told me it was my turn. She said when I lost it. Because she said Ed said a month. But. it wasn’t a month. It was two weeks into us going out that I lost it, which is really stupid of me thinking of it now. But anyways. So she said *bites her lip and takes a breath* So she said that that’s not good. Then she told me if I used a condom and I said yes. And she said you know it could have broke and I said I know. And she asked if I was on birth control and I said yes. And she said Well now you are. And I said Yeah. Then she said., Were you then? And I said no.. And she says. You could’ve gotten pregnant. And I said I know but I didn’t. We used protection. And she then…Damnit… Then she told me a little about he experiences and my eyes started to water feeling bad for her and everything. Then… *takes a deep breath feeling tears in her eyes* Then…Then she said asks if I love Ed and I said yes. And then she asked if he said that when we had sex and I replied yes again. Then she said that I shouldn’t expect to marry Ed. That I might think I love him now but later I might not. Then she said…then she said that guys just say that to girls just to get them in bed… That’s when I really started crying. I turned around and tried to leave but Steph grabbed my wrist and I pushed her hand off of it. I ran outside and around the corner.

I then stayed there for a while until Ed came out and saw me. He asked what was wrong and I couldn’t tell him because I was crying. I didn’t stop for like 30 mins almost. Then Steph came outside after Ed got her and she talked to me again. I didn’t want to talk to her and I tried to get away but she wouldn’t let me. She grabbed me again and set back down on the ground. She said she didn’t mean to make me sad and make me cry. She told me too look at her so I did. My eyes were all red and puffy and I couldn’t talk hardly because of all the crying. While she was talking to me I still cried. I couldn’t get the thought that she was going to tell me, if I didn’t run away, that Ed loved someone else and that she was saying all the mean stuff because he was going to leave me soon. But I was wrong.

She just made me sit back down and she held my hand. She told me that Ed isn’t going to leave me and that he loves me very much. That’s after I told her that he saying that a guy only says he loves a girl because he wants her in bed. She told me she didn’t mean that about Ed. She was talking about past experiences but she was kinda applying it to Ed to. She said he wasn’t going to leave me or anything but I was still crying. She told me to take deep breaths and I did and was starting to calm down. Before Steph came out a policeman who was a security guard asked me what was wrong and I said nothing. And he asked if I had a ride home and I said yes. I felt so stupid crying in front of an officer.

Well then Matty came over and sat with Steph and I and we all talked. Steph started telling me funny stories and everything and yeah. Then. Then I saw Ed and he came over *feels tears in her eyes again* and so he kneeled down in front of me and I just started crying again thinking still that he might love someone else and I leaned forward and just rested my head in his chest. He asked why I was still crying and I didn’t say anything.

Then the epidemic ended and I was supposed to go over to Tasha’s house to spend the night but I didn’t want to so I told her I wanted to go home. This was when Tasha and I were at Safeway after the Epidemic. Ed called to ask where I was and Tasha told him that I was with her and that I am safe and whatnot. *takes a deep breath* So then Ed and Steph walked over to Safeway and we all hung out and took some pictures of each other. I was feeling so much better.

Then Tasha had to go home and then Ed’s mom arrived to take Ed and Steph home. His mom gave me a ride home though so that is good. And when I was dropped off at my house Ed and I got out and Ed walked me to my door. We kissed and everything was better. And then I took a bath and got on and then I saw Kara and then you guys called and everything and yeah. That’s everything..

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Thursday, July 21, 2005

WILLY WONKA!!

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...
Well...yeah. I have a new video up and soon a new background. Well...I guess I already have a new background. I just havent found it or something. So yeah...

Have...you ever had someone who you have known for a long time? Someone you always faught with but in a fun way. I dont know..I have this friend..Blair...We sued to be such good friends and everything. Now..Now we have drifted apart. It makes me sad. It reall makes me want to cry and think about my life...No one knows...I dont like to tell people how I really feel most of the time so I keep everything a secret. Usually when I speak my mind or something, something back happens...I dont like it. I dont like bad things. They scare me. They make me get quiet and make me hurt. They make me feel like crying when I cant and when I do people stare...That is what scares me the most. What if no one ever stared again? What if no one were there..no one at all? I dont want to be alone. I hate it. Im afraid of it. I woke up last night, rolling over in my bed around 3:00 am. I expeted, for some reason, to turn over and feel my boyfriends body next to me. reasuring me I wasnt alpone. When I opened my eyes, my computer screen light on so I could see, I saw no one there.

I left my room and everyone was alseep. I took a deep breath thinking that maybe my little brother was downstairs because he usually is at this time of night..and he wasnt. My cat is usually outside and she wants in so she waits for me..but she wasnt there either. No one was there. I was alone in the darkness of my own house. I felt tears fill my eyes and shivers run up my spine. I felt so alone. For the first time in so long, I felt so alone. I was scared.

Thats when I woke up. I lifted my head and my upper body feeling moist tears trickling down my cheeks. That dream...affected me in reality. It made me scared. So scared I cried while I dreamnt. I hated it. I stayed up all night since then until the sun was out and then I feel ginerly back to sleep and I didnt dream again since then.

I am awake now, and I am typing this. Naybe this is a dream? It could be. Maybe everything we say, do, experience is just some game for somebody. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe I dont exist and neither do you (If someone is reading this). Who knows. Life is full of mysteries. Its just a matter of time before the truth is revealed, but how long will it take? How much longer can someone wait? How much patience can one person have?

Well that is all I have to say...For tonight at least...


THE END
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

   Well.....
Well. I guess if my icon for my custom thing doesnt work this is what it is.. () So yeah.

Well I got my background to work now and I found this really great music video with the anime "Banner Of The Stars" and the song is called ::Back Here:: by BBmak. I like them. Bbmak I mean. I especially like their one song: Goghst OF You And Me. I bet I spelt Ghost wrong. There. Now I spelt it correctly. =/ Im not going to go back to chack it. Too lazy. (NOTE: Youmay need to back the bar up a few times in order to get the video to completely play without skipping. {Also depends on your internet speed I guess})

Well my mom and me and everyone are back at the house. We left my granma's house today, so yeah. And good news is, Rich and mom made up, but luckly their are going to counsling so that is a plus there. Hehe.

Omg! Now..you all know how my birthday was like..2 weeks ago (July 6th), well my grandma didnt get me anything but some flowers and a balloon. So well, she knows how much I love Japanese cuisine, so guess what? She took me all the way to Burlingame to Benihanas! Omg! It was wondergul! I had freids rice with onion soup. Those were starters. Then I had my main dish which was shrimp with beef mixed with mushrooms! Mm Mm Good! So wonderful! Hehe! The dish was a specialty. I think the guy, Fernando, was off today. he messed up quite a few times. My little brother Steven got to throw shrimp into the guy's pocket though. It was coolies. I did that in France. I didnt do the pocket thing though, the guy challenged me to see who can make the most shrimp tails into the garbage hole or whatever. I lost. He was right there and I was clear across the table. I should get a rematch. Hehe. Well anyways..

So yeah. I am starting school on August 1st. Really sucks. I mean, why start school so early. This is hardly a summer vacation. Besides, I had summer school. Dont I get a discount on my days? ¬_¬ I suppose not. Damn. So yeah. Mom and I are going down to the...um...the thigy where they take all your pictures a head of time and everything. I dont know. I completely forgot what it was claled. I mean, how could I forget. ¬_¬ But then again it is me and I DO have a bad memory.

Well i think that is all I am going to type tonight...Yeah. Thats all. It is 4:52 a.m. Damnit. I am still nto sleepy. Ø_O Well I guess I am half asleep. Like that? hehe. Kinda like in the mangas when they have the sleep/half sleep line over one of the eyes. hehe. Thats me right there. Well...LATER!

~*Aruri/Kaganui*~ (Aruri = Ally in Japanese)
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Monday, July 18, 2005

   Damnit...
Well I am absolutely not happy to say that my site is being bad ot me right now and "I" at least cant see what I am doing. I do not see a background, nor can I hear the music I set up. So for a while it will stay as it is until I am able to fix the problem.

Thank you.
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Sunday, July 17, 2005

   Hehe!!
Well thanks to my best friend, Faithy, I now have these in and out thingies! I am so happy! I have been looking for the html for them for such a long time! And since I showed her how to make music and videos and stuff with html she payed me back! It was great! Hehe! So yeah! >P Well that is all I have to say today! Sorry that it it kinda short but oh well.

Oh. Well I guess since I am bored I might as well just say a few random things huh? Okay. Well my mom and Rich are still fighting. He will not admit that he has done wrong stuff so my mom asked me today what I thought about moving. I told her that I would not mind staying in the house we are in right now, but if Rich continues to treat her as he is right now, then we should move. My completely agreed with her. I mean. I cant stand him right now. Rich is nice and stuff but come on! He is being such a jackass! My mom is so stressed she isnt eating. She has lost about 22 lbs in just a month or two! It isnt healthy! She told Rich what he is doing and he didnt care one bit! He said that she is doing this to herself! And she isnt! He is the one causing her all the stress! He needs to realize that.

So my mom decided to go to couples theropy with him and he said he would think about it. He said that she is the one that needs it and not him. HELLO!! COUPLE'S THEROPY!! KEWORD: COUPLE!! Not just one person can go! Gawd! What a fucking dumbass! He is really starting to piss me off.

Well I wont go into anymore because I am like, very pissed. But yeah. Thats all. I will check with you all later okay? Hehe! <3's to ya! Bye!
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