Thursday, July 21, 2005

...
Well...yeah. I have a new video up and soon a new background. Well...I guess I already have a new background. I just havent found it or something. So yeah...

Have...you ever had someone who you have known for a long time? Someone you always faught with but in a fun way. I dont know..I have this friend..Blair...We sued to be such good friends and everything. Now..Now we have drifted apart. It makes me sad. It reall makes me want to cry and think about my life...No one knows...I dont like to tell people how I really feel most of the time so I keep everything a secret. Usually when I speak my mind or something, something back happens...I dont like it. I dont like bad things. They scare me. They make me get quiet and make me hurt. They make me feel like crying when I cant and when I do people stare...That is what scares me the most. What if no one ever stared again? What if no one were there..no one at all? I dont want to be alone. I hate it. Im afraid of it. I woke up last night, rolling over in my bed around 3:00 am. I expeted, for some reason, to turn over and feel my boyfriends body next to me. reasuring me I wasnt alpone. When I opened my eyes, my computer screen light on so I could see, I saw no one there.

I left my room and everyone was alseep. I took a deep breath thinking that maybe my little brother was downstairs because he usually is at this time of night..and he wasnt. My cat is usually outside and she wants in so she waits for me..but she wasnt there either. No one was there. I was alone in the darkness of my own house. I felt tears fill my eyes and shivers run up my spine. I felt so alone. For the first time in so long, I felt so alone. I was scared.

Thats when I woke up. I lifted my head and my upper body feeling moist tears trickling down my cheeks. That dream...affected me in reality. It made me scared. So scared I cried while I dreamnt. I hated it. I stayed up all night since then until the sun was out and then I feel ginerly back to sleep and I didnt dream again since then.

I am awake now, and I am typing this. Naybe this is a dream? It could be. Maybe everything we say, do, experience is just some game for somebody. Maybe none of this is real. Maybe I dont exist and neither do you (If someone is reading this). Who knows. Life is full of mysteries. Its just a matter of time before the truth is revealed, but how long will it take? How much longer can someone wait? How much patience can one person have?

Well that is all I have to say...For tonight at least...


THE END
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