Saturday, July 23, 2005

Very long and please dont judge me by anything your read...Please... *wipes the tears from her eyes*
Okay: Well...I went to the Epidemic and yeah. It was going really good and everything. I met up with some old friends like AJ and Natasha. And I met some new people who i knew but didn’t know that well like Steph and this girl Spike. So yeah. It was all good until kinda around 9 I guess. Ed wasn’t really talking to anyone and was sitting alone. Steph told me that I should go over there and give him a kiss and tell him “I Love You.” To try and make him feel better but I didn’t do it because I don’t know..I didn’t really have the right moment. I mean. For something like that out of the blue I need a certain moment and yeah. I didn’t have it. So..later Ed walks away to go look for..Uh…this one dudes name. I forgot it. Damn…So Steph and Tasha come over to me and Steph randomly asks how long Ed and I have been together. I say about 6 months. Then she asks if I have lost my virginity. And. I said yes. And she asked if I lost it to Ed and I said yes. So she grabbed Ed and went to go have a talk to him about sex I guess or whatever.

When she was done she told me it was my turn. She said when I lost it. Because she said Ed said a month. But. it wasn’t a month. It was two weeks into us going out that I lost it, which is really stupid of me thinking of it now. But anyways. So she said *bites her lip and takes a breath* So she said that that’s not good. Then she told me if I used a condom and I said yes. And she said you know it could have broke and I said I know. And she asked if I was on birth control and I said yes. And she said Well now you are. And I said Yeah. Then she said., Were you then? And I said no.. And she says. You could’ve gotten pregnant. And I said I know but I didn’t. We used protection. And she then…Damnit… Then she told me a little about he experiences and my eyes started to water feeling bad for her and everything. Then… *takes a deep breath feeling tears in her eyes* Then…Then she said asks if I love Ed and I said yes. And then she asked if he said that when we had sex and I replied yes again. Then she said that I shouldn’t expect to marry Ed. That I might think I love him now but later I might not. Then she said…then she said that guys just say that to girls just to get them in bed… That’s when I really started crying. I turned around and tried to leave but Steph grabbed my wrist and I pushed her hand off of it. I ran outside and around the corner.

I then stayed there for a while until Ed came out and saw me. He asked what was wrong and I couldn’t tell him because I was crying. I didn’t stop for like 30 mins almost. Then Steph came outside after Ed got her and she talked to me again. I didn’t want to talk to her and I tried to get away but she wouldn’t let me. She grabbed me again and set back down on the ground. She said she didn’t mean to make me sad and make me cry. She told me too look at her so I did. My eyes were all red and puffy and I couldn’t talk hardly because of all the crying. While she was talking to me I still cried. I couldn’t get the thought that she was going to tell me, if I didn’t run away, that Ed loved someone else and that she was saying all the mean stuff because he was going to leave me soon. But I was wrong.

She just made me sit back down and she held my hand. She told me that Ed isn’t going to leave me and that he loves me very much. That’s after I told her that he saying that a guy only says he loves a girl because he wants her in bed. She told me she didn’t mean that about Ed. She was talking about past experiences but she was kinda applying it to Ed to. She said he wasn’t going to leave me or anything but I was still crying. She told me to take deep breaths and I did and was starting to calm down. Before Steph came out a policeman who was a security guard asked me what was wrong and I said nothing. And he asked if I had a ride home and I said yes. I felt so stupid crying in front of an officer.

Well then Matty came over and sat with Steph and I and we all talked. Steph started telling me funny stories and everything and yeah. Then. Then I saw Ed and he came over *feels tears in her eyes again* and so he kneeled down in front of me and I just started crying again thinking still that he might love someone else and I leaned forward and just rested my head in his chest. He asked why I was still crying and I didn’t say anything.

Then the epidemic ended and I was supposed to go over to Tasha’s house to spend the night but I didn’t want to so I told her I wanted to go home. This was when Tasha and I were at Safeway after the Epidemic. Ed called to ask where I was and Tasha told him that I was with her and that I am safe and whatnot. *takes a deep breath* So then Ed and Steph walked over to Safeway and we all hung out and took some pictures of each other. I was feeling so much better.

Then Tasha had to go home and then Ed’s mom arrived to take Ed and Steph home. His mom gave me a ride home though so that is good. And when I was dropped off at my house Ed and I got out and Ed walked me to my door. We kissed and everything was better. And then I took a bath and got on and then I saw Kara and then you guys called and everything and yeah. That’s everything..

Comments (1)