Wednesday, November 1, 2006

pleasent how quick old flames can ignite once again...
so... i don't think i've posted this, but i haven't seen Paul in like... four weeks. i saw him the other day on the road and we made eye contact and we just stared at eachother as he drove off. i still haven't heard from him. i think i'm finally going to have to give up on him. the final step i have to take? erase the messages i have saved from him...
i've decided that i really don't want to date bryce. and i've blocked blair's number :P

but now for something a little happier. his name is tommy. i knew him a long time ago when i was really screwed up and he was always there for me and could always make me smile. and now he's back in my life. we talked for like six hours last night. it was amazing. and we had some confessions... lol. he still likes me... like, a lot. and you know what? i really like him too. i always have.

damn. out of the frying pan and into the fire? oh well. atleast it'll be hot ;)

that's it for now. class is almost over. peace and love.

kaa hakika upendo moja
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Monday, October 23, 2006

wow...
so. yeah. hopefully this'll be a quick post.

i miss paul.
i quit my job cuz i was sexually harassed by my boss and a co-worker.
i miss paul.
highschool B apparently loves me. hm.
i miss paul.

okay. that's it.
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Thursday, October 12, 2006

sigh... i'm not sure what to do anymore.

blair apologized for being stupid the other night, but still wont leave me along.

bryce has decided that he doesn't want a relationship, just a fuck-buddy.

paul,,, i still haven't heard from him...

this is depressing...
i miss paul...
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

   anybody up for a threesome?
wow. omg. life has been sucking recently. so yeah, me and paul talked everything out, right? but now i haven't seen him in ages. and he's blown me off twice in the last couple of days. hmm... this post is gonna be to have some organization...

Paul
so yeah, i've begun to question what we have. i mean, i think we could have a KICK ASS relationship if we were to have one like... next year. [which may actually happen since we've been off and on for like what, two years already? lol] Anyways, the reasons aint cuz of him tho, they're because of me. we're in two different places in our lives... he's outta high school and helping his father run their company. he's always in meetings and just generally being busy. he's going somewhere. this is the time in his life [and most people's lives] that everything just takes off and life starts to take shape. i don't feel like i am fitting into that equation at this point. also, whether he admits it or not, he's outta highschool and that means any girl he dates from now on is potential marriage material. and yeah, i think i'd say yes if he were to ask, BUT OMG -- i REALLY don't want to be thinking about that at 16. i dunno. maybe i'm just crazy.
so yeah, the reason i wanted to date him is cuz it'd be fun. [and because i <3 him, lol] but like... we're missing the "dates" part... and the "fun" part...
but for the record... i still love him :D

paul = my <3 forever...

Blair
okay, this is a new development. so here are the specs: i've been working at Wings 'n More for like, a week now, and almost EVERY guy there has already asked me out. but there's this one guy, blair, who's soooooo into me, it's kinda creepy. HE'S TWENTY!!! omg. anyways, i hung out with him once and he thought it was a date and now he has decided that he wants to spend the rest of him life with me and get married and all this shit and i'm just like... woah. and yeah, he knows i'm 16.
so yeah, i spent almost an HOUR last night arguing with him, trying to get him to understand that "we" will NOT work!!! he just wont get it. he's in his own little world thinkin we'd be perfect for eachother and all this stuff. AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

Bryce
So there really isn't much to say about this boy. Like, we met last year and he's been into me since then. But like, I always thought he just wanted sex so i didn't want to date him. well, apparently some things have changed. My girly Caitlin [she's like my sister] is hooking us up, lol. Apparently he hasn't asked me out cuz he thought all I wanted was sex, and i haven't asked him out cuz i thought all he wanted was sex. but no... we both want a relationship. wtf? lmao. this is all so ironic.
anyways, after class yesterday he gave me aa hug. he was gonna hug me over my lettermen's jacket, stopped, and wrapped his arm around me under my jacket :D then we got real close and we was like 'whatchu gonna do?' so i kissed him! teehee. that was a really really SHORT kiss... but it still made me weak, lol. i mean like, i've wanted to kiss those lips since i met him...
wow. so yeah, i've decided that i'm not really gonna accept that as a kiss cuz i know i can and will get better outta him ;)


well, i guess that's it for now.
DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA

i still don't know what i'm gonna do about paul... i kinda feel bad about kissing bryce... but... i dunno. all i really know is that i was blair OUTTA MY LIFE!
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