Monday, May 1, 2006

   no.005 //01.05.2006
no takahiro
yeah took me a while to decide on typing all this out
he didnt come on saturday, only his lil bro did
...i dont know
i felt that theres something wrong that evening at mass. his absence...
anyway im already gettin myself lost
all im gonna say is that i hope i'll see him this week ne?

owari

kaizen.kaoru
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Saturday, April 22, 2006

   no.004 //22.04.2006
the other guy.. who i have left behind...whos not takahiro....
i want to make him smile whenever he frowns ^^
thats all i feel about him now

as for takahiro....
i saw him at church today
i thought i saw his car, but no one was inside and it was 15 minutes before mass started. he wouldnt have come that early...
first i saw his younger brother, then later on, takahiro came in... kinda late.. i was happy to see him. he was wearing really casual stuff... dark blue again ^^

he was sitting with all his other bros..i think he was right on my left side, but right at the back row @_@. i couldnt turn my head and see him.. >< before the eucharist, he went out...[lemme guess...it was a cold day and he needed a trip to da toire] i didnt see him take the eucharist either, just his lil bro. Then at the end, when we [my sister and i] walked back to the prep room [as i call it ^^], we were to back into the church to collect all the things in the church and bring them back to the prep room.

on my way out to get all the stuff, the priest stopped us to thank us for altarserving for him that evening. and i loved that moment. i treasure that moment. that moment is my friend. not cuz i got praised, but takahiro was just walking out of the church. he was pretty close. i felt like hugging him. we made EYE CONTACT. yes im lame, but eye contact.. for me, many thoughts rushed outta my head when my eyes meet someone special's. for me in this case, with takahiro, they were~
'what are you thinking of right now?'
'i like you'
'what coincidence...'
'*smile*'
'i remember at the easter masses.. you came to all of them'
'you sure know how to organise time to go church ^^'
'you look so damn young, how the hell can u be old enough to b a p plater?'
'u look lost'
'you have renji's sideburns'
'where are your blonde tips gone? they were cute as'
'ur hair's black like mine'

and many more ><

its not that i dont like that other guy anymore, its just that i have decided to move on.. kinda.
now, i just wana make sure that other guy is happy...that's how i'll feel satisfied about myself. but he wont let me..in a way... if u are reading this, you ever wondered why i never started a convo wit you, even when u got hurt? you told me that if you were me, you wouldnt care. i had to fight that urge to ask you all those questions building up in my head. it ruined my mood when i couldnt get something out of you.

with takahiro... i want to see him smile.. i mean.. i cant imagine him smiling. hes never smiled....
compared to all his other brothers, hes the most quiet... and stoic i guess. now i really wish i knew him better... i wanna make him smile. that way, i'll feel smiling for hours after that. i wont be that big of a grumpy bum if i can see that smile.

[extras]
some time at the start of the year, we had the chinese new year festivals held in several areas before the main festival. i saw takahiro in the richmond and the footscray fest. i didnt have feelings for him at that time. but i sure thought he was really cute cuz he looked losted.. sorta...

owari
kaizen.kaoru
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Saturday, April 15, 2006

   no.003 //15.04.2006
its easter vigil and its freezing cold...and it rained too
danny altarserved again.. hes so cute.. ^^
but the highlight of today is...

i saw takahiro again
i gave quick glances at him everytime i could.
all i thought about when i ran into the church's carpark was him.
and there he was upstairs... EATING
man he looked so cute.. though my little imouto says that he's not good looking..
but as for me, i dont deserve the cutest guy on earth
i want someone like takahiro...

he was wearing a dark blue shirt...short sleeved with something inside...and he was eating...
he looked so warm in that withering cold.

before mass started and after i changed into my altarserving robes, i went hyper.. i was so happy to see him again. he was with his friends/relatives and his lil bro.. who was playing cards or something ...X] cold weather tends to bring people together...doesnt it...?

what i really love about him is.. he's independant. i didnt know that someone like him could possibly be bothered to go church. im happy for that... now, it would make life easier for me to find a younger version of him... but hmm.. i guess its okay if i leave things as it is

i felt like hugging him in that cold weather. i looked hard for him at the end.. but haha... he probably got cold and went home first. i miss the way i would get all excited at the end of tutor, because i knew i would see him soon. i miss the way he walks into the church every saturday evening.

as far as i believe, theres no barriers in love--without barriers, i can find THE guy. i dont want just any guy because of his age or looks. i dont need age and i dont deserve good looks.

i want THE takahiro, not A takahiro.

longing to see you again.

owari

kaizen.kaoru
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Friday, April 14, 2006

   no.002 //14.04.2006
today is good friday

im an altargirl and i altarseved with the cutest people today; one being danny, a brother of daminh, another altarboy who didnt serve today.

at the end of mass when i headed downstairs near the carpark area, i rushed around, looking for one of the people who i longed to see again so much after weeks of longing for his presence.

his name will be takahiro

i spotted his little brother. he still hasnt changed. he still had that great smile and that caring personality towards the younger people... but i couldnt find his older brother, takahiro anywhere.

i looked at the younger brother... then i looked around.

"he's got to be around here if his lil bros
here.."

then on my right side, behind a couple of people, takahiro stood there looking around. he looked different to all the other weeks. this time, he was wearing a black suit with a dark blue shirt. he looked so smart and i think he probably just came bak from work. i was so happy to see him again.

i skipped behind him. i couldnt believe it, takahiro looked back, right at me. i couldnt resist, i gave him a friendly smile. He kept his lil eyes on me. I began to run out of the carpark area when my sister had caught up with me.

i couldnt find my mum's car so i went bak to the carpark to call her, and to spot him again. after my mum told me she was at the front of the church, i ran out of the carpark area... and saw takahiro's younger bro running in front of me. i spun around to look for takahiro, but i couldnt find him.

on the way home, i prayed that tomorrow would be much better than today. i want to see his face in the light. i hope that tomorrow will not rain like today. i want to talk to him one day, any day. but most of all...

i want to sort out my dilemma.
who do i really love?

takahiro?

or that other person?

owari

kaizen.kaoru
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Saturday, April 8, 2006

   no.001 //08.04.2006
heys..
just a lil intro to my myotaku thing
nice to meet you...
im just using this as an online journal for my life stories and random stuff so...
ahhh im bored outta my mind...
anyways read on if u wanna have an insight on what its like to be a 'freakazoid' like me X]

owari

kaizen.kaoru [aka cat]
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