Friday, April 20, 2007

   no.023 //21.04.2007
no.23 and it had to be a depressing entry

well you know this entry is pretty much the same thing as the last entry..
guys should go get screwd
this time its more complicated for me...
wont explain how
but man, life really is shit...
ive completely lost hope in it
AND NO I WONT GO FREAKEN EMO
it seems my life is pretty predictable...one crappy ending after another... i wonder if i was even meant to love anyone in this stupid world which i was born in.

sounds lame, but i think i was born to love myself

thats some egotistical thought any idiot could come up with... then again, it proves true to everything thing in the past that has happened. man i feel so drained... and im so lame, talking to a computer like this...i thought meeting people was from the miracle of living the same time as them... but i listen to too many songs, and dreamt of living in the world where what the lyrics says goes... the tears i cried all this time were for myself...not anyone else...

thats true, since no one really cares if i cry or not, they'll just go 'hey are u alright' and then step back, living on with their own life.

well, at least they have theirs.

even when i try to be happy, i end up being disappointed. my sunshine turns into rain, my source of happiness turns towards another. no sunshine, no happiness

even shit i dont have

maybe ive really gone crazy... it seems that everything ive said to anyone... it never got through to them... i figure that from now on, it will hurt me much less if i never spoke to anyone about my feelings

not that i have anyway... oh wait.

i have once. and it was passed on as well. to that guy i liked. now i hate his guts, and her shit too.

143 am. i love you am. says my bs clock on the pc
this world is so unfair, they say theres loads out there for me, that it will come...
but is all this shit worth it? everything that im getting from people...

im not respected no more...

i deleted the number, i deleted everything. the only way he can get to me is by net. the only way i can get hurt besides meeting him directly. ive been told that by doing this, im running away..

so what?

everyones been running away from me.

i feel that theres no one listening for me except for myself. i feel that even if i die a shit death no one would realize. maybe a couple of 'ey wheres cat', but the whole conversation would end there. yes, people have their own lives to worry about

id be selfish to think that they'd even have the time or the energy to worry about me.

im not looking forward to the future as of today, just let today come, and my end to come as soon as it will.

go for it life, you dont have time to waste on me.

kaizenkaoru