Sunday, September 30, 2007

   no.025 //01.10.2007
First day of the month. Also known as the new start to my life.

Back to my negative entries.
Guys suck. Well they end up do. Only the ones I fall for though. Love is indeed blind...

I've finally gotten over him. Actually, it's more like... I realized how uncutesy and unteenyboppery I was, how I wasn't obsessed over him enough, and realized I lost in this game called love. Since when did I lose? Probably since the time he found out... and told that two-faced slut that he only will ever think of me as a friend.

Before Manifest began, I had a feeling that it would be the turning point for me, everything will change then. But nothing did at the least... only because I didn't know about it. I didn't know that Manifest would give me such a shitty change... full of betrayal, two-facedness, lies and hate.

If you were to look at me and her, I'm the total opposite to the type he would go for. Why? I don't expose my shit. I'm not misleadingly short with a big head [which was why I thought she was taller than me at one stage]. I don't make a big deal out of tripping over shit.

Well for stress relief, I wanna say why I'm happy I'm not like her.

1. I don't wanna be 'cute'. Kakkoi is the way to go.
2. I'm not full of shit, the kind that goes behind her friend's back, to all lengths, for one guy that her friend likes.
3. I'm not the type who goes 'ohhh I'm so cold' with a separate intention. Deal with it yourself.
4. If I hate someone, I don't suck up to them. I make it clear so that there's no misunderstandings in the future.
5. I'm not obsessed with him. One look from him could mean anything, don't get too fricken worked up.
6. I don't want my life or death to be dependant on whether or not he speaks with me, despite the situation.
7. I'm not the stalker type. Remembering someone's number and repeating it to someone else is just wrong.
8. Risking a friendship for a guy. Nuh-uh, probably there was none to start with.
9. She thinks she can get away with everything just by apologizing, crying her ass off, sucking up to the guy and making me look like the bad guy. I don't give second chances for people like her [a trait me and my brother proudly share].
10. Instead of pretending to be nice and shit when I'm feeling violent, I say so straight out. Get to the freaken point geez.

And now, to convince myself that I'm not fit to like him...

Her:
1. Somewhat cutesy
2. TB
3. Annoyingly obsessed
4. Drama queen at being a klutz
5. The 'weak and helpless' type
6. Exaggeration is the way to go
7. Bad at picking clothes
8. Crybaby
9. Wonky mind, priorities lay everywhere
10. "Funny"

Me:
1. Soccer freak
2. Loves food and physically SHOWS it under her skin.
3. Generally doesn't care about her appearance
4. Violent-minded/hot-temper
5. Typical anime/manga freakazoid
6. Tomboy, thinks she can be her own guy.
7. SILENT
8. PREPARED for 4 seasons in one day
9. Independant, and doesn't pretend she isn't to the guy she likes.
10. Talked crap about him. Hell yer.

When we liked him...

She...
1. Ditched a friend to talk to him
2. Did things that made her feel like a bitch, I practically ruined her day at Luna park from the number of phone calls I made to him that day.
3. Didn't want Manifest/Luna Park to end
4. Lost friends in exchange for one guy
5. Made me look like an ass
6. Memorized his number
7. Fangirl with someone else over him, every single thing he did made her happy.
8. Got worked up every time their eyes met.
9. Went on THAT DATE.
10. Acted like weak and helpless. But got laughed at. LAWLLL.

I...
1. Hardly talked to him
2. Remembered his birthday
3. Hated him sometimes
4. Never missed him until he was gone for that two weeks.
5. Loved him more when he showed more of his emotional side.
6. Had so many moodswings related to him
7. Dealt with friends who hated him
8. Wasted 5 months on him
9. Sometimes thought he's not worth doing something for.
10. Never let my life/death be dependant on him

Now that I think about it, I may have said I'm over him... but it's just the irrational side of me talking. I'll only quit if SHE'S not the reason I'm quitting.

Because right now, after reading my post, it is. I've only compared me to her, rather than talking about me and him.

Sorry ya two-faced ass, you still got a long way to go until I find out whether 'giving up on someone you love for someone you hate' is worth doing.

kaizenkaoru