Monday, May 14, 2007

Not as strong as you think.....
I'm not..really...i admit, yeah, i do try hard to make you believe i am strong but...i'm really not.

Trust...heh..funny word..what does it mean to YOU?

What happens when you shut people out? Do you wither away completely, or does some of you remain to watch as everyone else lives out their lives happily? Does it ever try to hold on to some of that happiness as it wanders by, or does it shrink from it in fear?
When it comes face to face with that happiness does it fight it with all it's might, or does lay down and let it run over it? Or...would it completely shut out all of that happiness and hide from it until it finally dies? When it dies...do you think it will be able to look back at all the happiness it missed and long for another chance? Do you think it will be given another chance? Should it be given another chance? Will it ever get one?

Why is needing to be around another person a basic human necessity? Why can't you just be alone and keep your sanity? Maybe you were meant to be alone, the only thing holding you back is that need. Why would someone ever want to be loved? It hurts more than it helps...why fight for something that is only gonna hurt you in the end?

Why can't we just scream, "I QUIT!!" And everything just dissapear?

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Kamelot(for the obssesed fan...)
THEY ARE COMING OUT WITH A NEW CD!! And i just heard one of the songs from the cd, "Ghost Opera"......IT IS FRIGGIN AWESOME!!

Kamelot-ghost opera
Uploaded by thailande

Oh..i found out today what songs we're singing at the concert tonight...i was suprised to find out we're singing, "Memory"..i really like that song but i thought we were only gonna sing it at graduation...*shrugs*...ahh...i'm totally obssesed with Kamelot now...
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Somewhere in Time i will find you and haunt you again....it's a promise...
GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!? I JUST FOUND OUT THIS MORNING THAT MY CHOIR CONCERT IS TONIGHT!!!! *flips out* And i have rehersal tonight for my Karate Preformance(which i have a solo part in...^-^..though i'm not doing Sai's or anything this time...T^T..)....my Sensei's gonna kill me....*runs around in circles* I'M GONNA DIE!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! *takes a few minutes to calm self* Ok...so...my weekend...Saturday i got up, went to Karate, my best friend Tai came over..that was fun...Prom was Sat. night..*gag*..my dad is FORCING me to go next year...*more gagging* Hmm...stayed up all night with Tai watching Anime...(yay!)..got up Sunday morning, whole family skipped church to go out to eat for Mother's Day..good times...good times...right, Tai? Uhhh..ran around Walmart...(literally...Tai was trying to kill me...) Went home..made chocolate Baklava..(which is really good, btw..i just don't like the orange syrup on top..everyone else likes it though...)...watched the FMA movie...Oh! I got The Haunting on my ipod now!! *does dance* I'm so excited..and i am listening to it now..*sings along*
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Friday, May 11, 2007

"I rule the forces that fueled your hate..
When the cold in my heart leaves it comes to an end..
Quietly i'll go to sleep..."

It's official..i'm obssesed with this song...and i've been expirementing with my voice to make it sound like Simone's(the girl...)..Oh..you think it's funny? I'm going insane here cause i have to wait 6 to 8 weeks for it to come in!!! *takes a moment to collet self*..

So in choir..it's Friday so we just run through the songs we need to and then screw around the rest of the hour...i went back into the practice room with my teacher(she's a Kamelot fan...^^..)We sang the Haunting together..It was SO AMAZING!! AND I ACTUALLY HIT ALL THE RIGHT NOTES!! IT SOUNDED SO GREAT!!! And then we went out into the big room and sang it for the class...people who hadn't even heard the song before were standing up and applauding!! I was so happy...

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The real Haunting video...

Kamelot - The haunting
Uploaded by neit7v

Ahhh...i REALLY love this song...and i'm gonna pay 23-freakin-dollars just to get the cd..maybe i'll like some of their other songs, eh?
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Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Haunting...by Kamelot
Merely the sound of your voice..
Made me believe that that you were her..
Just like the river disturbs..
My inner peace..

Once I believed I could find..
Just a trace of her beloved soul
Once I believed she was all..
Then she smothered my beliefs..

One cold winter's night..
I may follow her voice to the river..
Leave me for now and forever..
Leave what you can..

Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again..
Like the wind sweeps the earth..
Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend..
You've fallen deep..

I was a liar in every debate..
I rule the forces that fueled your hate..
When the cold in my heart leaves it comes to an end..
Quietly i'll go to sleep...

How could that first time recur..
When memories linger on and on..
What made me think you were her..
Helena is dead to all dead to all..

Nothing can bring her to life..
Don't pretend that I'll be loving you..
Once I believed she was gone..
I corrupted from within..

Leave leave me for now and forever..
Leave what you can..

Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again..
Like the wind sweeps the earth..
Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend..
You've fallen deep..

I was a liar in every debate..
I drew the forces that fueled your hate..
When the cold in my heart leaves it comes to an end..
Quietly now go to sleep..

(roy:)
Follow me into the light..
(simone:)
Like ice on a lake of tears
I'll take you through..
(roy:)
Or leave me tonight..
(roy:)
I've gone too far to begin all anew..
(simone:)
Life fades in anew...
(both:)
With someone like you...

Somewhere in time I will find you and love you again..
Like the wind sweeps the earth
Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend...
You've fallen deep...

I was a liar in every debate
I drew the forces that fueled your hate
When the cold in my heart leaves it comes to an end..
Quietly I'll go to sleep...

This is a GREAT song...and if you haven't heard it, just listen to it on my Inu-yasha video(which is a freakin awesome video!!)...i want to find Kamelot's CD and put it on my ipod...speaking of ipod's...i got to put Jack Johnson on my ipod last night..(thanks...)...i almost got in a fight a church last night..(forgive me father, for i have sinned...)but, somehow i managed to restrain myself..though my Latin paper and my notebook(which i discovered later...)sustained some damage....God, i was so pissed.....i was amazed that when i walked past her, i didn't try to take a swing at her...but later on i met up with an amazing security guard that i talked to and made me feel better..he suggested i fight you, Tony..but i don't think i will...he also suggested i avoid your sister...but that's easier said than done..hee hee..my sisters are having fun torturing your sister...but i told them to hold back a tad bit becuase i don't want her to cry...oh, no...tears can be a sweet release....i don't want her get off the hook..no...i want her to burn inside...burn so deep that she can't take it anymore...that's what she's done to me so, i can only return the favor...No, it is not my job to deal out justice...it is my right to get revenge....yeah, revenge is not always the answer, but neither is violence so, i had choose one or the other...i chose this one becuase i prefer to see her squirm...yesssss...Don't worry, Tony...we won't hurt her or you...and we'll stop when i feel better..dunno how long that will be but...oh, well..^-^...
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Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Lost Boys.....
Is a great movie..i had seen it before but i didn't know that it was called that. Me and my sisters watched it last night....it sucks fighting with a friend, you know? And it hurts, exspecially when it's over something like this...*sighs* When i'm fighting with family, we argue, cuss, (if it's my sister..)and smack each other around..but when you're fighting with a friend, it's like your treading on thin ice....you can't just get everything out there or you'll fall through and drown....*shrugs*....and i hate not being able to scream at someone when i'm angry.....

You told me you still cared for me, though it's obvious you lied.
You said that you would be here for me, where were you when i cried?
Through my pain, and through my tears, you closed your eyes and turned from me.
You said you're sorry for everything, but still you couldn't see.
You spoke to me, i trusted you, and brought down all of my walls.
It seems your heart is not the only thing it takes when it falls.
You look confused, what's there to say, it's my feelings being abused.
You left me alone, and empty inside, how could i not feel used?

Yeah..i wrote that in first hour 'cause i was really bored and thinking about alot of crap...what do ya think?

Oh, and Tony? I feel bad about all the stuff i said but, i still will not trust you like i did. I think that is fair. Mea culpa.


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Should've never trusted you...
After talking to my sisters, i found out more information about what's going on....Rachel told Kristy that you never really liked me, you're in love with your girlfriend, and that she made you stay with her because,(and i quote...)"She's my bestfriend!! There's no way i'd let him break up with her!!".....suprise, suprise...then she told Lauren and Kristy not to tell me because she didn't want me not liking her anymore than i do already...heh, fat chance....she also told them that she knew you liked me but, she didn't want you to...now that i think about it...Rachel has been trying all this time to divide us..guess it finally paid off, huh? *shakes head* How did you manage to look at me, knowing that you had broken my trust, and not feel ANY remorse for what you had done? Does it not tear you up inside, knowing that you had done this to a friend that trusted you with all her heart? Damn...you must be stronger than i thought..i wouldn't be able to take it for very long...i'd feel so eaten up inside that i'd force myself to tell them becuase it hurts not to....i wouldn't leave them to figure it out on their own..but i guess i do have to thank your sister for something..if she'd never had gone to Steve and Joy, saying that you needed to talk to Steve...well..i probably would never had figured it out...so thank you, Rachel, because you opened your big mouth, you pointed the way to the one that had stabbed me in the back...
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Monday, May 7, 2007

Why?
What i want to know is why you would do something like this...and don't give me some lame crap about oh, you still care about me....yeah right...just...just.....just tell me why. I trusted you, even though you had hurt me, i trusted you. I was so stupid...stupid, stupid, stupid...and this is driving me insane...(The person this is directed at, you know who you are...everybody else...just ignore these next few lines...)....now i wonder, what else have you told her? Did you tell her EVERYTHING? Or did you just decide to leave all of that out? WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU BETRAY MY TRUST??? Why would you do this? After all that crap you told me...why why why why why........Traitor, traitor, traitor...
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Never...........
I will never trust you again.........
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