Tuesday, October 3, 2006

   Hmmm... Hello and what not...
Yes.

So here's where I'm going to talk about stuff.

Like the fact that for some reason, I cannot get into writing "Dance Dance". ARGGGHHH!!!

What to do?

Hmmm... anything else?

gah!!!!

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To Feel

“He’s just sitting there!” Santorini huffed as he hustled through the kitchen. My short, fat boss glared at me as if it were my fault – his dark black eyes sparked with fire.

I sighed.

It’s just like him to get so histrionic about nothing…

Geez…

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Sara! He’s taking up space – valuable space – again!”

I paused at the left the hot stuffy room and rounded the corner to wait at the counter for the next order coming up.

It was a decaf latte with apple pie.

The usual.

“He got a coffee and pie slice,” I protested.

“Which he never eats!” My boss frowned. “This is LOITERING! If he’s there for more than fifteen minutes and not drinking, Sara, ask him to leave – I don’t want him to waste space that could be given to buying customers.”

“But – he IS buying! Just not eating the stuff…”

“Sara.”

“Okay. Okay…”

So while I bussed the other tables – taking dirty plates, delivering coffees and pastries, snagging tips, I kept an eye on the man.

He was sitting there – as usual – at the further most table in the corner of the balcony – relaxing in the setting sun – eyes far away as he sat deep in thought.

It WAS a beautiful spot for thinking – and Rome looked like a jewel of fire on the soft rays of the dying sun – sweeping off the balcony patio was always my favorite chore at night. I followed his absent gaze to the centerpiece – the Vatican.

Perhaps he’s new? I thought. Or a business man? Not a tourist by the look of his coat – maybe the Church? This hottie could be a priest?

I checked him out – as I normally did – he wasn’t too hard on the eyes. Chestnutty-red hair ruffled gently in the wind – the hard planes of his smooth face softened by a sad light in his dark eyes.

I turned around, deep in thought.

Was he waiting for someone?

He looks so – so –

So alone.

It seems sad someone so sexy is so lonely.

Santorini gave me the “cut throat” sign as he motioned at our solitary client, then he turned and disappeared downstairs.

I sighed as I turned around and approached our oddball client.

“Uh – sir…”

I asked hesitantly.

No answer.

“Sir.”

He turned – almost mechanically.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Are you done here?”

“Negative. Is there – a problem?”

“Uhhh…”

I’ve never talked to him before – man – he talks weird! Church? Must be – but oh! What a sexy voice! Ahhhh…. How can I expel someone like this! Waaahhhh!

I didn’t know what to say.

There was an uncomfortable pause.

“Are you –“

I paused, unsure.

“Are you waiting for somebody?”

The man blinked.

“Negative. I have no one to wait for.”

“Oh…”

I was non-plussed.

“I sit here – because –“

This time he stopped – he bent his head to stare at the coffee cup – then raised his solemn eyes up to mine –

So direct! Like a child –

“Here under the sun, I feel –“

He shook his head and rose.

“I see I am loitering. I will leave. Thank you for your service.”

“You don’t want to have this?” I waved disbelievingly at the 10 dinar pie and coffee.

He stopped walking away.

“Feeling is not being.”

What – what does that have to do with – is it a riddle?

“What do you –“ I asked timidly. “What do you feel, then?”

I followed him down the stairs to the busy street below. He drew me along.

What is it about him? Untouchable. Lonely. Remote. Innocent…

Has he been dumped? Or lost his job? Or – or got an incurable illness?

“What do you feel?” I asked again as he turned away.

He stopped.

“I feel – the sun on my face – it is heat I cannot enjoy – and the wind in my hair – I have no sense of it – it is –“

He paused suddenly – and I felt as if we were broken marionettes our words barely reaching each other.

“It is an illusion,” he added abruptly.

“What is?”

The sense of desire filled the air between us – well… I felt it, he said nothing – looked nothing –

Is he nothing?

“What is?” I asked again.

“To feel – human…” he said softly – as he walked away.

I didn’t know what to say.

What could I say?

What should have I said?

It nags me – so here I am – still here – working –

Waiting.



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