Friday, February 24, 2006

Brave Free write
I don't know if I've posted this free write yet so here it is:
12/05/05
Right now, there are many things I wish I could receive: material and priceless objects. The first thing that I thought of, however, was to have her back. Is that selfish? I guess it is. I want to believe that she’s happy with God but I don’t know. It’s just that: belief. I need to have faith that God is watching over her soul. I’m sure she’s happier than the condition I found her. She was such a beat up kitten. Living on a barn with no one to care for her, much less give her vet care. Her coat was thick and matted; her nose was completely blocked with dirt and hay along with her mouth. She was very thirsty and her left paw was huge, which I thought at first was just a bunch of dirt stuck to it. I started to clean her up, gave her something to eat and drink but the food was too difficult for her to chew. It often was stuck on her sharp teeth. One time, when I tried to take it out, she was so frightened that she bit my thumb. I had hoped that after everything that mark would remain with me my whole life. I even prayed that the pain would too, but unfortunately it didn’t. I help her close to me the first day where my aunt, who was thinking of adopting a kitten walked in. I talked her into helping me rescue all the cats on the farm. I think I got way too emotional and came off as a selfish brat to my uncle (the owner of the farm). But he agreed to let me take them to the FVHA. To my surprise the FVHA refused to take in “barn” cats because of the liability. In my despair, my aunt agreed to take in only one of the kittens. My little cousin chose her: Brave. With all the new cat supplies, we picked her up to take her to her first vet appointment. She was a whiner just like my Phantom. That’s one of the things I loved about her. The vet said she had a bad case of ear mites, lice and worms, which was very typical of kittens and easily cured. What surprised me was that she had Feline Leukemia, like humans it is a cancer of the white blood cells. The vet said that it would be a lot of time and money to have a healthy kitten survive. Brave, however, was suffering so much that the chances of her surviving more than a week were slim. It was a grievous decision but we had to put her to sleep.

12/12/05
I held her in my arms as my cousin stood, crying in the corner. My aunt was wrought with pain and shock. We alternated holding her to say goodbye. She was so warm and calm, so clam that she fell asleep several times in our arms. I was afraid she had died right there although that would have been better on the conscience. I prayed that it could be some other way. And even though I tried so hard to hold it back, when I saw my little cousin holding in her emotions so tightly, I couldn’t help my self: I cried. Of course we didn’t want to hand her over to the vet because we knew that would be the last time we’d see her alive. Eventually, fate had it that it was time for her to go. We gently gave her to the vet, who took her in the back. None of us could bear to see her go. W waited in the room for quite some time; waiting, praying, grieving, crying, blaming, cursing. The vet soon returned with a brown box. We all knew what was in it but dared not mention it for if we did, our sin would overwhelm us. The car ride home was a silent one. I went over to my aunt’s where we buried, poor Brave. I vowed that when spring comes I’ll buy some flowers to plant in her memory but I had a different way to show my respects. I would post a memorial for the first year, a theme dedicated to her from the 24th to the 26th of every month….This I vowed to her and I hope I can keep it for her sake.

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