Wednesday, November 19, 2003

   11:50PM.Tuesday.Nov 19.

It's 11:50 and I still haven't done the last half of my geometry homework...good thing the answers are in the back of the book! Half of them at least. ^.~

Life continues on in the normal, repetetive cycles. Dan and Lauren, two of my friends recently dated and then broke up. Now one of Lauren's friends that Dan used to hate and Dan have crushes on eachother, and Dan and Lauren hate eachother deeply.

How fickle their minds are.

Also, I've found that a group of my friendly acquaintances all are fighting against eachother, battling because of stupid RPG wars and foolish insults thrown. It amazes me that they are willing to throw away their friendships away, just like that. Because of this stupid thing. Some of these people have known eachother for a year or more. But as soon as things look bad, it's over. The end.

After all of this, and other things, I found myself wondering...does anyone really care for eachother anymore? Corny as it sounds...it's still rather sad. People go around putting on this mockery of friendship, knowing people for years and not truly understanding them. Social groups become simply means of survival, so that you are not alone. Any sort of true emotion isn't even there.

Two people will jump into a relationship, not even thinking. Their minds are so filled with infatuation and lust, that they do not even stop to consider the consequences. They just assume things will work out. Sometimes they've known eachother for a day, sometimes even less.

So how do we go on? Do we continue with this pathetic charade of emotion, simply going through the motions of being a good friend? I find that existing like that, living with false love, not caring about people, is something I cannot do. I care for all my friends...and I keep trying to piece together the wreckage they leave in my wake.

But perhaps, it is not my place to fix this. Maybe they need to learn from their own mistakes, to actually suffer from their actions of frivolty. I cannot protect them from everything, and it is useless and exhausting to try.

I refuse to be their crutch any longer. Sometimes the only way to learn is, unfortunatly, the hard way.

-Karma

PS: Gee, think I should start my homework now? Lol.

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Monday, November 10, 2003

Mitch

Oh dear dear Mitch. How I worship and adore thee. My love, my one and only, my true desire. Thou art divine sacriledge, an unholy God. Thine beauty and greatness far surpasses any of this mortal realm.

I submit fully to your will, my Lord. Take me as I am, as you want. I am yours.

- Karma -

PS:...* cough * I did it Mitch. Be proud. XD

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Sunday, November 9, 2003

   4:32 AM.Sunday.Nov 9.

It's 4:32 am. And I am still up. Jeez, aren't I screwed...oh well.

I woke up this morning with the full intention of doing something. I swear I did. It just kind of...died. Motivation sure does flee in the face of adversity. What a pain.

I think it's my dad's fault. He came in at 11 am and woke me up to tell me he was sorry for being an asshole. At 11 am, I don't CARE if you're sorry. I should still be asleep. He disturbed my sleeping pattern. I wasn't suppoed to wake up until 12, be he went and woke me at 11. As a result, I woke up at 4:30 pm feeling drowsy, rather like the feeling after you've eaten too much, with absolutely no desire to do anything, although I knew I had much to do. So here I sit, with no motivation, a dirty room, and a Geometry book that is screaming spiteful things in the back of mind.

Insane? Maybe...

What is insane? Insanity is labelled as not being right in the mind, usually resulting in that person doing acts that are not considered 'acceptable' in society today. But how do we know that we indeed are not the insane ones? That those deemed diseased are, in all actuality, the healthy ones? For that matter, is it any sin to be called sick in this disturbed, moral-defecient world?

Insanity is honesty. Other people should also be called insane, but they have the cunning or shame (whichever you prefer) to do it behind closed doors. They scream into a pillow instead of screaming at the world. The insane are guiltless. They are bound only by the thoughts in their own mind, disregarding rules and regulations of society.

Insanity is freedom and honesty, it is being unwell by a world who calls sickness healthy.

These thoughts brought to you by this quote:

"It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
-Krishnamarti

Amen to that. Alright, maybe now that I've ranted pointlessly, I'll go get something accomplished.

Then again...maybe not.

-Karma

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Saturday, November 8, 2003

6:45 PM.Saturday.Nov 8.


This little quiz of boredom was Mitch's fault. Blame him.

How old are you? 14
How old are you mentally (as in are you mature)? Depends on the day.
Describe yourself in 5 words. Neurotic, drifting, blissful, tragic, undecided.
What are your worst qualities? I'm lazy and indescisive.
What are your best qualities? Ask someone else.
How long does it take you get get ready in the morning? However long it happens to be between the time I wake up until the time the bus comes.

~SLEEP~
Do you dream at night? Of course.
Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes.
Describe one. I was helping Woody Woodpecker escape a fat cop brandishing that wooden-bat-like thing and all the sudden we fell into Star Wars in the part where they are about crushed by the walls closing in. Then I woke up.
What time do you go to bed usually? Early morning.
What time do you wake up normally? 6 am on weekdays.
What time do you wake on weekends? 5 pm.
Do you find waking late nice or annoying? Waking, in any form, is a sin.
Do you sleep with one pillow or two? Many. I like to feel surrounded. It's comforting.

~SCHOOL~
Do you like school? No.
Why/why not? It is a forced act of learning. All learning should be done by will.
Whats ur fave subject? Enlgish and German.
Most hated subject? Geometry.
Do you have a fave teacher? Herr Schmenk.
Ever had a crush on a teacher? Yes.
Are you a maths/science person or an english/drama person? English/Drama.

~FRIENDS~
Do you have heaps of friends? Yes.
Do you have a best friend? Many.
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends? Girls.
Do you ever get annoyed at any friend? Yes.
Have you ever lied to a friend?Yes.
Have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend? No.

~FAMILY~
Do you like your parents? I hate them with a burning passion.
Ever run away from home? No.
Ever thought about it? Yes.
Do you have any siblings? A little brother.
If so, do you like or get annoyed with them? I like him. He's too afraid to annoy me.
How old are they? He, singular, is 10.
If not, do you mind being an only child? I liked being any only child for the short time that I was one.
Do you feel your parents spoil you? Hell no.
Do you not get along with any of your family? Immediate family? No. Relatives? Yes, very much so.
Do you have big family get togethers ever? Yes, they resulted in several members having nervous breakdowns, severe chemical abuse, and the loss of my own personal sanity.

~RELATIONSHIPS~
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No.
If so, are you in love with them? O.o
Do they love you? o.O
How long have you been together? Blah.
Most romantic thing they've ever done for you? Stuff.
Do you have a crush? Yes.
If so, are you in love? One of them, possibly.
Do they know you like them? One, yes, the other, no.
Is it serious or playful? One is playful, the other is serious.
How long have you liked them? Since I met them.
Ever done something stupid to impress them? No.
Have you ever experienced unrequited love? With an inatimate object.
Do u find it romantic or hurtful? Both?
Even know what it is? Yes.


~Sex~
Ever had sex? See Mitch's.
Believe that a person shouldn't have sex before marriage? Depends on the couple.
Believe in casual sex? In what sense? Just have sex with random people? If so...vehmently not.
When do you plan/when did you lose your virginity? I do not plan anything.
Did you regret it? A lot of people do.

~Religion~
Do you have a religion? I am my own religion.
Do you practice it i.e go to church? By being myself, I practice my religion.
Do you believe in God? Maybe.
Jesus? As a person.
Satan? Maybe.
Heaven? No.
Hell? No.
If you died tomorrow what do you beleive will happen to you? I would be dead. People would mourn. I hope.
Does death scare you? No.

~Morals~
Have you ever been drunk? No.
Taken drugs? I've consumned vast amounts of Mountain Dew.
Stolen? Once or twice.
Shoplifted? No.
Tried to commit suicide? Yes.
Lied to a boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes.
Gotten into a fight? ...duh.
Are you more innocent or guilty? I plead the 5th.
Would you date a drug addict? No.
Have you ever had to look after someone who was a drug addict? Yes. My parents.
Are you racist? Not really.
Are you discriminatory to anyone? Yes.
Have you been a hypocrite in the past? Yes.
Do you have an open or closed mind to other peoples beliefs and feelings? Wide open like the doors to grandma's barn.

~Media~
Do you watch tons of TV? No.
How many times have you been to the movies in the past 6 months? I should remember...why?
Do you listen to the radio often? Depends.
Do you read the newspaper? Never unless I am in California.
Do you read magazines? A little.
Are you a couch potato? Do I look like a potato?
Do you use the internet too much? Yes.

~Music~
What's your fave style of music? Rock.
Do you play an instrument? I did.
Do you sing? When I am alone.
What's your fave band? I have many.
Why? Because they are good.
Have you met them before? Who's them?
Name 3 cds that you've bought in that last year. Can't remember.
Why did you buy them? Because I liked the music at the time?

~Sport~
Whats your fave sport? Horseback riding.
Whats your fave sport to watch? Ew?
Do you have a fave team of any sort? Yankees.
Do you play a lot of sports? No.
Ever won anything for sport? Yes.

~Perosnality~
Are you funny or serious? Both.
Creative or not? Very creative.
Logical thinker or lateral thinker?...
Are you outgoing or shy? Outgoing.
Are you lazy or active? Depends.
Have you ever been hyperactive? Every day.
Are you a naturally hyperactive person? Yes.

~Looks~
Are you happy with the way you look? Yes.
What would you change? I can't so what's the point?
Do you wear makeup regularly? No.
Do you have a large wardrobe? I guess.

~Money~
Do you have a job? No.
Do you like it? Yes.
Are you a saver or a spender? Both.
Do you work hard or slack off? Depends on what I am doing.
Have you ever been fired? No.
In trouble at work? No.
Made a major mistake? At work, no. In my life, yes.
Ever had money stolen from you? Yes.
Are you always broke? No.

~Embarassing Moments~
Your all time most embarassing moment? Why would I tell you?
Ever snorted drink out your nose? Yes.
Ever giggled like an idiot? Every day.
Ever embarassed yourself and pretedned nothing happened? No.
Ever tripped in front of someone you liked? No.
Ever said soemthing really stupid? Every day.
Ever snorted while laughing? Yes.
Ever fallen off a bed? Yes. Many times.
Ever sleepwalked? No.
Ever sleeptalked? Yes. And screamed.

~Memories~
Whats your best memory? I have many.
Worst? My father throwing me across the room.
Whats the weirdest memory you have? I also have many.
Do you have a good memory? No.
Whats the coolest holiday you remember having? Christmas at grandma's.


~Thoughts~
Ever had funny thoughts and laughed and no one understood you? Every day.
What do you think about most of the time? Many things.
Does your mind go blank a lot? ...yes.
What is the mood of your thoughts, generally? Spastic.
What did you think of this survey? I think if Mitch thought it was a total waste of his time, he shouldn't have done it. Lol.

Wow. Those tags took forever.

-Karma

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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

11:40 PM.Wednesday.Oct 29.

Okay, wow, I'm back. I spent the entire day in a closet. Literally. Weird story, you don't want to know.

Anyway, as of...October 25th, I am single! Yet again, a pitiful story you do not want to hear.

On a more intresting note, I took the 'Which Emotion Are You?' quiz. It's quite ironic what I got:

You represent... happiness.
Boy, are you full of cheer or what...? You have a
sunny disposition and enjoy trying to spread
your happiness. You have a tendency to be a
little hyper, but you have the ability to make
your own fun no matter what.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla
See? Told you. Ironic. And now I'm off to work on that school thing...

-Karma

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