Monday, March 15, 2004

1:13PM.Mon.Mar 15.

Well, it's been a horrible week.

Last Tuesday, March 9th, one of my friend's committed suicide. He hung himself. Friday night I went to the wake, and on Saturday morning I went to the funeral.

I'm not sure which was more painful.

The wake was a horrifying shock to the system. Seeing him there, dead, rigor mortis set in, frozen cold. Forever.

He's frozen in our memories too. Forever 16, never to be changed again.

My friend's girlfriend walked with me outside into the cemetary, because I told her I needed to scream. And I did. I screamed bloody murder, I yelled everything that I was feeling and then I literally fell to my knees sobbing.

The funeral just made me sick. Chris was an atheist, so the preacher saying all this stuff about God was hypocritical. It wouldn't be what Chris would have wanted either.

When we got there, he said a few more words, and then they released a bunch of ballons in sybolism of Chris's soul being freed. That made me cry again.

I never want to cry that much again my life.

~*~*~

What's really upsetting is how alone, how horrible and helpless he must of felt. It kills a little part of my soul everytime I think about it.

~*~*~

So now I've just got one more thing to say...things are never that bad, that you have to do that. More people love you in more ways than it's ever possible to know. And the people you hurt most by doing that, are the people that you care most about, and that care most about you. It's a choice no one should ever make, no one should ever have to make.

And if you're one of those people who degrades others, makes them feel as if they're worthless, and makes them feel as if the only choice the DO have is suicide...then I'd advise you to stop, before you have more blood on your hands than a guilty conscious can take.
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Thursday, March 4, 2004

9:37A.M.Thurs.Mar 4.

Yay I'm loved! Mitch, you are the shag band that binds me in so many beautifully sexual ways. * smirk *

Lea's Question:

Q: If you could pick one girl and one guy from myO to hang out with, who would it be?

A: Mimmi or Dagger or Arcadia for girls and Oh geez, I have to pick ONE guy? ;-; Mitch or Ken or Sennen I guess.

Why People Over 60 Should Not Be Bus Drivers:

1) They forget where they are going.
2) They think that 5 AM is a great time to hold a conversation while driving a 5 ton moving vehicle.
3) On the off-chance that they remember which neighborhood to go into, they drive past half the stops.
4) They forget what day it is and leave the kids waiting from 6:30 AM to 8 for the bus.(That's what happened today. It was oh-so-fun. /sarcasm.)

I hate riding the bus. I really, really hate riding the bus. But moving on!

I hope everyone is well and okay and all that good stuff. Remember...don't eat toxic substances.

-Karma



theOtaku.com: What is Your Japanese Novelty Item?

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Monday, March 1, 2004

10:23AM.Mon.Mar 1.

Thank you, free internet access and study hall. :D

Choo, things go well in the Land of Karmi. I miss everyone online though. I will get internet back, I will, I will...* chants * Drop me a line here while we're waiting though, just so I know y'all haven't forgotten me. And if you have, well, I guess I will have to castrate you or one of the male members of your family with a lobotomy pick. Lol, just kidding. I miss you all!

I have multi-colored shag bands.

-Karma

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Sunday, February 22, 2004

5:48AM.Sun.Feb22.

Whoo! Went to the ROTC Military Ball with my best friend Lauren. (I was her date, no way I would actually ever join ROTC. x.X) We dirty danced the night away, and ate BBQ chicken with our fingers. Heh, seriously though, I had a really good time. It's good to get out once in awhile, you know?

Yea. Somehow, between talking to Asphy, reading and replying to posts on OB and myO, yelling at mom to get out of my room, taking pictures, and downloading songs, I have made it to nearly 6 AM with no sleep. I guess it's no sleep for me today. How tragic. ;-;

Asphy and I came up with an absolutely brillant theory:

Let's Ask James (aka LAJ) is, indeed, the best last-minute plan ever. We plan on doing something sig-worthy with the LAJ plan sometime soon. ^.~

Bow down to the LAJ!!

On a different note, I did spend a good amount of my time experimenting with my camera, using myself as the subject. (I don't like taking pictures of inatimate objects...>.>) A lot of the pictures actually came out pretty cool though. I really adore the black and white setting.

Clicketh The Linketh For the Pictureth:

Downcast
Look Away
Side Perspective
Ponder The Possiblities
Peeking
Turn Around


I also discovered a band that's pretty good. Taking Back Sunday. I was looking for something new that was interesting to listen to, and discovered them on Yahoo! Radio. Good stuff. Check them out if y'all ever get the time.

Hah hah, now for the last item on my list. Mimmi started it, Shin copied it, and I am now making it a fad/trend. :D Ask me a question in the comment box, and I'll answer it in an edit of this post.

Get crazy y'all! I refuse to answer boring questions. >.>

-Karma

PS: Cats are the most adorable creatures on Earth.

Edit Numer Eins:

(The pictures are up now...sorry about the delay.)

Arcadia's Inquiry:

Q: If you were a precious little kitty, who's legs would you rub?
A: James'.

Q: If your life was made into a TV show, what would it be like? Who are the characters, what's the rating, any love triangles?
A: There would be a lot of slapstick and dark humour. Friends are both a blessing and a curse, and there is a large love triangle between myself, my best friend, and our mutual object of affection.


Shinmaru's Questionaire:

Q: Seriously, what makes you think AJeh is my child?
A: He came out of Syk3. Like, duh.

Q: What exactly is Karmality (unless it can't be explained lol)?
A: It cannot be explained. The best I can do is tell you that it is the randomity of life and the magic therein.

Q: Mimmi steals pants...if you were to steal articles of clothing, what would you steal?
A: Boxers.

Q: Did I show you the cat video yet? Mimmi posted it on her myOtaku quite a while ago, so I'm not sure if you've seen it =/
A: Nope. I didn't know there was a cat video.


Mimmi's Inquisition:

Q: Which OB'er would you choose as a personal slave ?
A: Sennen or Syk3. Can't choose. Or maybe Des. I could make him dress up in link clothes and everything...XD

Q: If you could make someone into an anime character, who would you animate and what would he/she be ?
A: I would animate Shin into a pink haired volleyball and call him Wilson Jr. (If you've seen the Tom Hanks movie where he's stranded on the island, you'll get this joke)

Q: If you could be measured (like Richter) what would you be called and how would your scale read ?
A: Chaos Scale. The scale constantly travels toward entropy, and goes on into infinity, but regardless, things are always in constant motion. I'm the disorder within the order. ; )

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Saturday, February 21, 2004

2:57PM.Sat.Feb 21.

I stole this from Shin:

What is your name?: Erin, or Karmi
Are you named after anyone?: No. I'm named after Ireland.
What's your screename?: Karmi, KarmaOfChaos
Would you name a child of yours after you?: No.
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Jade or Julien or James. Something with a J.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: No one.
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: My last name gets mispronounced 24/7. And my first name, surprisingly, gets misspelled occasionally.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: No.

Basics

Your gender:: Female
Straight/Gay/Bi:: Bi
Single?: Yes
If not, do you want to be?: o_o;
Birthdate:: May 2nd
Your age:: 14
Age you act:: 2
Age you wish you were:: 18 would be nice, but I like 14 too.
Your height:: 5'8"
Eye color:: Brown-black.
Happy with it?: Yes.
Hair color:: Brown-black.
Happy with it?: Yes, although I might highlight it pink just because pink is pretty.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: Righty.
Your living arrangement:: Like Shin, I too live in a house.
Your family:: Mother, father, brother, 4 cats and several game consoles.
Have any pets?: 4 cats
Whats your job?: Good influence
Piercings?: I tried 3 times to get my ears pieced. And failed. Damn ears kept healing. >.>
Tattoos?: ...ew?
Obsessions?: Jade, funky clothes, Hello Kitty
Addictions?: Jade, Mountain Dew
Do you speak another language?: A little bit of German.
Have a favorite quote?: I have many.
Do you have a webpage?: It died.

Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it

Do you live in the moment?: Sometimes.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: No.
Do you have any secrets?: A few.
Do you hate yourself?: No.
Do you like your handwriting?: Yes.
Do you have any bad habits?:...duh.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: Easy to talk to, funny, cheerful.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: Karma: A Surreal Look At Randomity of Life and Thusly Ensuing Chaos.
What's your biggest fear?: Being helpless and alone.
Can you sing?: I am capable of it. Does it sound pretty? Hell no.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No.
Are you a loner?: Not at all. I used to be though.
What are your #1 priorities in life?: To screw up as little as possible and not to lose sight of people I love while still managing to keep up my education.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Yes, but I'd probably be afriad of me too.
Are you a daredevil?: Yes.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: I'm selfish, I am a perpetual liar, and I can be quite ignorant.
Are you passive or agressive?: Aggresive.
Do you have a journal?: No. Not at all. /sarcasm.
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Strength - never giving up, and always trying to find the comical side of things, even if it's morbid. Weakness - Unknowningly saying things that hurt people.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: I would change the fact that I lie to get out of a problem.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Yes.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: No.
Do you think life has been good so far?: Life is life. It is both wonderful and terrible.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: People, not things. Others before self. Actions and words hurt equally. Think before you speak or act - you never know who you're causing pain.
What do you like the most about your body?: Everything.
And least?: Nothing.
Do you think you are good looking?: Yes.
Are you confident?: Yes.
What is the fictional character you are most like?: Ayame from Fruits Basket.
Are you perceived wrongly?: Half the time yes. That's how we learn.

Do You...

Smoke?: Ew.
Do drugs?: Ew.
Read the newspaper?: In California I do.
Pray?: No.
Go to church?: No.
Talk to strangers who IM you?: Does threating to castrate/kill them count?
Sleep with stuffed animals?: Yes.
Take walks in the rain?: Yes.
Talk to people even though you hate them?: I try to avoid it. When I do, it's usually to scream.
Drive?: No. Not legally anyway.
Like to drive fast?: I think I would if I could.
Would or Have You Ever? One of my dreams is to speed down the Authobahn in a Porsche.
Liked your voice?: Yes, unless it's one of those times when I sound like a guy.
Hurt yourself?: Intentionally once, unintentionally...I'm a klutz, and we'll leave it at that.
Been out of the country?: Does Hawaii count?
Eaten something that made other people sick?: I'm the other people that got sick.
Been in love?: Yes.
Done drugs?: Ew.
Gone skinny dipping?: Twice.
Had a medical emergency?: Yes.
Had surgery?: Yes.
Ran away from home?: Yes.
Played strip poker?: No, but only for lack of fellow players.
Gotten beaten up?: Yes (family).
Beaten someone up?: Yes (family).
Been picked on?: Yes.
Been on stage?: Many, many times.
Slept outdoors?: Yes.
Thought about suicide?: Yes.
Pulled an all nighter?: Yes x infinity.
If yes, what is your record?: Only 10 hours of sleep in one week.
Gone one day without food?: Never.
Talked on the phone all night?: Yes. A couple times.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: Do brothers count?
Slept all day?: Yes x infinity.
Killed someone?: Yes. (j/k)
Made out with a stranger?: No.
Had sex with a stranger?: No.
Thought you're going crazy?: Yes.
Kissed the same sex?: Yes.
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: Yes.
Been betrayed?: Yes.
Had a dream that came true?: Yes.
Broken the law?: Yes.
Met a famous person?: Not that I remember.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: Not that I'm aware of.
On purpose?: Yes. Damn cockroaches and ants.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: Yes.
Stolen anything?: No.
Been on radio/tv?: Yes.
Been in a mosh-pit?: The only way anyone will ever get me to go into a mosh pit is if it is with Thomas, who has wrist bands with 3 inch spikes.
Had a nervous breakdown?: Yes.
Bungee jumped?: I plan to. In New Zealand.
Had a dream that kept coming back?: No.

Beliefs

Belive in life on other planets?: Yes. Sheer statistics make me seriously doubt otherwise.
Miracles?: No.
Astrology?: No. It's fun to joke about though.
Magic?: Only the magic of human emotion.
God?: No.
Satan?: No.
Santa?: Yes. (j/k)
Ghosts?: In what sense?
Luck?: Yes.
Love at first sight?: No. I believe in lust at first sight though.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: Amen.
Witches?: No, but I believe in bitches.
Easter bunny?: I believe in Playboy.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: Of course.
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: Rainbows deeply annoy me.
Do you wish on stars?: Yes.

Deep Theological Questions

Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: Not At All.
Do you think God has a gender?: I don't believe in God.
Do you believe in organized religion?: No.
Where do you think we go when we die?: The grave. Or cremated. Or mummified.

Friends

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: Yes.
Who is your best friend?: Real life - MK, Lauren, Luna, Chibi, Beezel. Online - Mimmi, Ken, Mitch, Sennen, Syk3, Des, etc.

Who's the one person that knows most about you?: Luna, MK, or Lauren.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: I have been give so much good advice, I think I'm leaking it out onto the street.
Your favourite inside joke?: Joey is God.
Thing you're picked on most about?: My klutziness. It's all in play though.
Who's your longest known friend?: Lauren.
Newest?: Karen.
Shyest?: Chibi & Mimmi
Funniest?: The OB guys as a whole.
Sweetest?: Mimmi. Like duh.
Closest?: O_o;
Weirdest?: We're all weird.
Smartest?: This is irrelevant.
Ditziest?: Lacey
Friends you miss being close to the most?: I never let them stop being close.
Last person you talked to online?: Mimmi
Who do you talk to most online?: OB people
Who are you on the phone with most?: Lacey
Who do you trust most?: My aunt.
Who listens to your problems?: My friends, my teddy bear, my cats.
Who do you fight most with?: MK
Who's the nicest?: Mimmi and Chibi
Who's the most outgoing?: Me.
Who's the best singer?: MK
Who's on your shit-list?: MK, partially.
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: Hell yes.
Who's your second family?: My aunt, uncle, and cousins in Cali. I also have third, fourth, and fifth families.
Do you always feel understood?: No.
Who's the loudest friend?: Me.
Do you trust others easily?: Not At All.
Who's house were you last at?: MK's.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: Jade.
Do your friends know you?: Yes.
Friend that lives farthest away: Mimmi.

Love and All That

Do you consider love a mistake?: No.
What do you find romantic?: Kisses.
Turn-on?: Many things.
Turn-off?: Stupidity, immaturity, ego.
First kiss?: Jade at Beezel's birthday.
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: Annoyed.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going: ...duh.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: I have never bended to what was socially acceptable, and this is no different. It does not matter.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: Yes.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: Yes.
What is best about the opposite sex?: Love & Sex.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: Love & Sex.
What's the last present someone gave you?: Bed sheets.
Are you in love?: Yes.
Do you consider your significant other hot?: Johnny Depp is hot.

Who Was the Last Person...

That haunted you?: Jason.
You wanted to kill?: Jason.
That you laughed at?: Syk3
That laughed at you?: Lauren
That turned you on?: Jade Jade Jade...
You went shopping with?: MK & Lauren.
That broke your heart?: MK. My mother and father.
To disappoint you?: MK
To ask you out?: Jade
To make you cry?: Jade
To brighten up your day?: Sennen
That you thought about?: Jade
You saw a movie with?: Jade
You talked to on the phone?: Lauren
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: Mimmi
You saw?: My mother
You lost?: My website.

Right This Moment...

Are you going out?: Yes.
Will it be with your significant other?: No, although she's one of my best friends in the world, so I think that counts.
Or some random person?: XD
What are you wearing right now?: Nothing except a bra.
Body part you're touching right now: Wouldn't you like to know?
What are you worried about right now?: English papers, Jade, my room.
What book are you reading?: Chaos: Making A New Science
What's on your mousepad?: Dell
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Indifferent, Anticipating, Sexy, Horny, Dirty.
Are you bored?: No.
Are you tired?: No.
Are you talking to anyone online?: Yes.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No.
Are you lonely or content?: Both.
Are you listening to music?: Yes. Feel ATC.

Wasn't that fun children?

-Karma

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12:23PM.Sat.Feb 21.

Whoo, Guten Morgen ihr!

This weekend has been excellent so far. Friday I got kisses from a guy...(wouldn't you like to know the rest of that story?), and then later Friday night, a good friend of mine that had been very pissed at these past couple of weeks called me, basically saying she was tired of fighting. We both apologized and mutually forgave, and talked on the phone for about 3 hours. It felt so good, taking to her like that after we had been fighting for so long. She had been feeling just ignored and uncared about by everyone, and she admitted that she had been rather melodramatic about the whole thing. I admitted that I had not payed as much attention to her and other people as I should have, and had gotten wrapped up in other things and forgot what was really important in my life.

It felt good.

We also talked about the 'love triange' between myself, another guy, and my best friend. I had talked to a bunch of other people about it (you know who you are), but she gave me a point of view that I hadn't thought of, that was a little kinder on my friend. She said, "Yea, maybe MK (the best friend) was being selfish, but then maybe she realized that there were other fish in the sea after the fight, and decided to date one of them, even though she had broken up your relationship." It didn't stop me from being pissed at MK, but it made me understand what she did a little better. Which definitely toned down the anger. It's always good to tell people what you're feeling when you're really emotional and you're not sure what to do. You'll get perspectives that may change your entire opinion.

Today's Lesson: Tell people who aren't really involved the situation, gain new perspective, make a better desicion in the long run.

You can never have too many points of view. It also keeps us from being selfish bitches. So even if you're reluctant to share your true feelings with other people, and don't like having to see other points of view, grit your teeth and do it. It's part of the process of growing up and becoming a mature adult that people respect and go to for advice.

I have a black sharpie marker from my secret lover.

(Wouldn't you like to know?)

Okay. The black sharpie is from the guy I kissed on Friday, who is the guy involved in the love triangle. There. Now you know. >.>

Isn't life grand?

-Karma

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Thursday, February 19, 2004

3:58PM.Thursday.Feb 19.

Dude, it's been awhile y'all. So sorry I haven't been around - my internet was cut off, and thus I've had to live without for a month or so. (insert severe emotional truama and scarring here) Praise the Mountain Dew cans I'm back! Yay!

* does a tribal dance with very little clothes on *

(now don't you wish you had been in my room just now to see if I really did?)

Anyway, it looks like OB life has proceeded on without me. v7 is here!! And my, what a beauty it is. If you are one of the people complaining about it, I want you to quickly take your computer apart and slit your wrists with the computer chips. You deserve to die and not burden the people who have worked hard to make OB as kick ass as it is.

>.> That's my 10 cents on that.

My life outside the net has been hectic and stressing. Angry friends and confused crushes and drugs are not a good combination. (No I have not been doing drugs, but some of my friends have. I'm the 'good influence' in the family. -.-") Slowly but steadily, we're getting it sorted out. Hopefully it will all turn out good. (A few of you know the background story behind all of this. You know what's going on. @_@)

On a randomer note - they have somehow managed to make a cereal that tastes relatively like french toast! Of course, it is no comparison to actual french toast, but you've got to weigh your options:

instant gratifications VS. quality.

And at 6 AM, getting ready for the bus, instant gratification usually wins. Heh.

Our lesson of the day: Don't be selfish. You could be losing someone's respect and trust and not even know it.

Muchas Love Y'all!!

-Karma

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Thursday, December 25, 2003

MERRY DAY!

Heh heh. Today was good. Total list of good things:

Morning Chat with Ken and Chibi
PS2!!!
New Computer (well, it was an early XMAS present)
Digital Camera
Desk
Best Buy Giftcard
Black Bondage Shirt
3 sets of assorted bath/body wash things
Cute little santa kitty plush
Hello Kitty pin
Candles

:D It was a good Christmas for me. I hope it was good for everyone else. <3

And now for some quizzes!!


You are Form 2, Angel: The Pure.

"And The Angel rose as holy protector for
all that was created. She fought with honor
and valor to serve the good of the world. But
the coming of the mankind was her downfall; and
end to purity."

Some examples of the Angel Form are Michael
(Christian) and Hercules (Greek).
The Angel is associated with the concept of virtue,
the number 2, and the element of wind.
Her sign is the zenith sun.

As a member of Form 2, you are a person of your
word. You generally keep your promises and
give everything you do your best. Although
some people see you as overbearing sometimes,
you know that you have to stay true to yourself
and do what's right. Angels are the best
friends to have because they are brutally
honest.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla




Exhibitionist


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla






Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

Take the What Type of Friend are
You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.








Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype, and visit mutedfaith.com.




Who's your Pucca Character? Take the quiz! Brought to you by Lovepucca.net!





I'm Hello Kitty Forest Fairy! made by:Jen






© What's your Inner Goddess Color?? © Jen

Check it out baby! Happy Holidays! * kiss *

-Karma


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Wednesday, December 24, 2003

   4:00PM.Wednesday.Dec 24.

Well, it's Christmas Eve everyone, the year is almost over, and 2003 is coming to a close. Yet, it's really not a lot different from other days. I'm on the computer, talking with friends. Various family mishaps are causing yet more pain and trauma. My cat is asleep in my room.

Pretty much the same old.

My aunt took off for New Jersey (again), and no one knows where she is. It happens every year. Without a doubt. I'm really not surprised. Everyone once again is thrown into a panic. And I'm sitting here in my own quiet room, thinking "I knew this would happen." Go figure.

But I'm not going to be sad or anything. Honestly, what good does feeling sorry for yourself do? It's depressing, lonely, and generally unpleasant for all parties involved. And I'm really not all that disappointed with how this holiday has turned out. I have a trip to California to look forward to, friends that care for me, and a good OB chat to give me a laugh for the day. Sure, it's had it's kinks, but can anyone honestly say that they've had a trouble free holiday season?

So, with all that rather solem stuff said, let's move on to the amusing highlights of my day.

Luna: Merry fucking whatever.
Karmi: No no Luna, it's like this...
Luna: O.o?
Karmi: Merry Fucking!!
Luna: -.-""

Karmi55: Then again
Karmi55: I could just say
Karmi55: ~*~Married to OtakuBoards as of 3:59 PM, Christmas Eve~*~
Karmi55: >XD
Shinmaru007: XD

There were many more, but those two stick out in my mind.

In other news, I now have a picture thread. -.-" You are all forbidded to go there!! You hear that? I forbid you!!

Ahem. Anyway. Thanks to everyone on OB who kept it cheery on this rather gray-skied Christmas Eve. * hugs and kisses to all *

-Karma

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