Saturday, December 13, 2003

   2:25 AM.Saturday.Dec 13.

Wow. I haven't posted in awhile. Oopsie.

I have just consumed about 3 24 oz Mountain Dews. And I've 3 more left. It's only 2:25 AM. This situation could be potentially caffinated to the point of death.

Oh well. At least I'll die happy.

Note to everyone: Go read Drix's poetry. It rocks my socks. There. Free advertising.

The past few weeks have been interesting, to say the least. I've come to a mutual understanding of passive disgust with my parents. Surprisingly, it's not all that bad. Better than actual fighting.

Today's subject of discussion is truth, honesty, and brutal frankness. I believe that you should always be absolutely truthful with a person, regardless of whether a) it makes you look bad, b) it makes them look bad, or c) it hurts their feelings. Later on, they're going to know they can trust you to always say the truth to them, and that they can count on you. Lies, in the long run, are more painful than truths spoken immediatly.

I don't mean 'go out of your way to hurt that person.' Not at all. No one has the right to do that, no one. But honesty is something much different from that. It can, at times, be quite cruel, but whether you believe or not, it's what you need to hear. Probably not what you WANT, but it is indeed what you need to hear.

So all you ambigious, polite, shy people, bite the bullet and say it! Say with a burning passion inside! If people told the truth once in a blue moon, the world would be a much clearer, less confusing place. Painful, but not confusing.

That is my rant of the day. I love you all, and I hope you enjoy your weekend. Good luck to everyone taking examas and midterms next week, do remember to study!!

(PS: Today is I Love You Day. Tell someone you love them.)

-Karma

Comments (4) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 3, 2003

  
What kind of crap is this?? Having two bad days in a row.

I swear, if this turns into one of those perpetual bad days that goes on for a week...I'm just going to crawl up in my closet and give up. This really, really, isn't worth it.

The sickness in my throat has not gotten any better. I have lost my voice on and off all throughout the day. But what really sent this day from walking the fine line of indifference to diving into bad was Jade.

He and some girl got into an argument, and then he just says 'Fuck you all' and walks away. I tried to grab his hand and he brushed it off.

A little while later I tried to catch up with him, and he just walked forward, didn't even look at me. I literally felt my heart break a little more in that moment.

Why do friends do that to eachother? Don't they realize how much they're just hurting the other person?

I understand that he doesn't like to share his feelings, he doesn't want any pity or help. But, just once, I wish he'd let down his grinning guard and show himself. Let me be his friend.

I think I'm just going to take red fingerpaint and write in huge, fat letters:

This too will pass.

All over my walls.


Ken however did make one shiny happy spot in my day. Love you Ken.

Karmi55: u_u
Karmi55: Steve Irwin in the bed with an African scorpion!
Karmi55: Isn't that disturbing?
DeathKnight V4: Yes.
DeathKnight V4: Especially for the scorpian.
Karmi55: XD
Karmi55: =| * images *
Karmi55: Okay now it's just wronng.
Karmi55: wrong*
Karmi55: * sweatdrop *
DeathKnight V4: argh
DeathKnight V4: my mind
DeathKnight V4: it bleesds.
DeathKnight V4: Bad Erin!

-Karma

Comments (1) | Permalink

12:42AM.Wednesday.Dec 3.

Today was a dark blue kind of day. One of those days where things seem so bleak, sad enough to be bad, but not terrible enough to be tradgic. Today was a bad day.

Things really can't start out good when you miss the bus. It's bad enough that you're worried about the stuff you're missing in school, and terrified about what your parents are going to scream at you now, and then you actually have to endure the screaming. It really makes the day very bad.

Then, the cold that you've had for a week or so now progresses into a throat infection, and you lose your voice. This means talking to people all day through a notepad.

I feel for you Beehtoven.

So now, you feel like crap, your throat feels horrible, you feel horrible, and you go home, preparing to get screamed at some more.

That happens. You get into a screamfest with your mother. This greatly worsens your throat condition.

On top of all this...the one thing you've been looking forward to all day, a phone call from one of your good friends in PN, you miss it. The one person who you actually feel like talking to calls you, and you miss the bloody phone call.

Like I said, a bad day.

But moving on to happier topics.

Mimmi, your comment gave me the first 'laugh' of the day. Windex is a really popular, well-known window cleaner here in America. It's a joke from a movie.

So that makes three things that I thought everybody knew about...Windex, Goodwill, and Wal*Mart.

Kinda disturbing how, when you think about it, the constants in your life, most people around the world don't even know about. It's really rather creepy.

And yet...exciting. So many things out there, just waiting to be tried. So many neat, interesting things. Makes me a bit happier, knowing someday I'll be out of here, trying out those things.

That's the only reason I bother trying. Because wasting your life isn't worth it, the best way to rebel is to give them what they want and then throw it in their face.

I'm really rather tired of questioning my emotions...whether or not I really have the right to be angry. Does that really matter? Either way, I'm angry. Deal with it.

Life isn't fair. We should try to make it as fair as we can, but there's a point where you have to stop being selfless, or die.

The hard part is determining where that point is, where it is you come to a stop.

Where is the great equilibrium between rationality and emotion?

I guess I'm still trying to find that. Meanwhile, I'll just have to apologize in advance for all the things I do wrong in the lack of this ultimate knowledge.

Stupid people can only do so much, ya know? ;)

-Karma

Comments (3) | Permalink

Monday, December 1, 2003

   7:07 PM.Monday.Dec 1.


It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

^.^ Indeed it is. Christmas lights are going up, students are getting restless for vacation, teachers are desperatly trying to get them to focus even harder than normal because of finals, and parents and grandparents alike are eyeing the stores for sales and the items on their offspring's lists.

Hectic? Just a little. ;)

I myself am looking forward to Christmas holidays with great anticipation. California calls to me like an oasis does to a person dying of thirst in the desert. I'm so very excited! Woot!

On another note, I've discovered that fruit cups and whipped cream taste absolutely delightful. =D As Lacey would say..."Heaven in a can!" Heh heh. I've got so many great quotes from her. Here's my 3 favorites:

"I feel so purple among all these...black wearing people...."

"I'm not wearing black."

"You're wearing a TRENCHCOAT! Don't even start with me!!"

"Boys ARE a girl thing!"

"Ahh...heaven in a can."

:) Ain't she great?


Well, this was rather pointless. I guess I'll leave you all with an encouraging message:

WINDEX CURES ALL!!!

Why, indeed it does.

-Karma


Comments (1) | Permalink

Saturday, November 29, 2003

   6:32 AM.Saturday.Nov 29.


I can feel my vacation time slowly slipping away...like sand in an hourglass. Why is it that the times we want most to last go by the fastest, while the things we hate, those bothersome, annoying, but important things take so long?

It's like time itself is against us.

But I suppose that's one of the reasons why it's so worth it, why it's so much more special when you achieve that, when you actually do what you set out to do. Because despite time, despite difficulty and obstacles, you made it. You beat it. Even with time itself against you, you won.

Still. When you're looking at the hurdle, it seems so high, and you're so tired, you really don't feel like trying to make that jump. You feel like saying 'screw it. I don't care.'

It's so much easier to not try, to just put off until later. But in the end, you'll wish you had tried when you had the chance.

So put on some music, pull out whatever tools of the trade you require, and get to work! The sooner you start, the sooner you'll finish, and the happier you'll be that you did it.

Life isn't easy. But the happy times are worth it.

- - - - -

As to those depressed during the holiday season...you too have something to overcome. You have it harder than those to whom happiness comes easy, and you've got more against you, which in the end is even more depressing.

But don't ever give up. Things change, if only you try. Collect the shambles, the shattered pieces, and stick them together again. It takes time, strength, and people to lean on when it gets hardest and most painful. Seek those people out. Let them know you're hurt. Go slowly.

It'll be worth it, when you finally feel like smiling again.

I promise.

-Karma

Comments (3) | Permalink

Thursday, November 27, 2003

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!

Okay,needed to get that out of my system. Seriously, a very happy holidays to all. =D People seem to be getting depressed as the holidays approach, but I only get happier! There's something magical about the holidays, a deeper feeling, an age-old tradition and a celebration of the human spirit. That's what I try to think of every holiday is, because in the end, that is indeed all it is.

A celebration of the human spirit.

Isn't that a wonderful thought? Maybe I'm just strange, but holidays make me feel like there's still some secrets never told, treasures in this world yet to be discovered. Like there's still something to hold on to, the ties you are bound with to other people become stronger, and it seems just a little bit easier to forgive.
Underneath all the little idiosyncracies of each holiday, all the strange and wonderful traditions, there is that pure joy, that love of everything and a wish to share that joy with those you love, and the world in general. That is the celebration. That is truly the reason why I get so into the holidays.

Perhaps I am just odd.

I can see why holidays would make people depressed. So many times there are bad memories associated with them, and we completly lose the meaning, lose the magic. Yet, I do not want to let bad memories ruin this feeling. This elation. I refuse to have past times taint my future, my now. Some of my worst days were during Christmas. I can remember being hurt the deepest I have ever been during this past holiday season.

But for me, that only makes it that much more important that I am happy now, it only makes this that much more special. It doesn't ruin the feeling...I only cherish it more.

So, in closing, if you're depressed this Thanksgiving, take a step back and truly realize how pointless that is. Get up, get out. Go celebrate life with friends. Put on music and dance. Stop wasting away your life in an endless, dull, monotone sadness, be loud, be colorful, be everything that they least expect.

Listen to this song.

One more time...
One more time...
One more time
We gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, all right
Don't stop the dancing

One more time
We gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, all right
Don't stop the dancing

One more time
We gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, all right
Don't stop the dancing

One more time
We gonna celebrate
Oh yeah...

One more time

One more time
We gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, all right
Don't stop the dancing

One more time
We gonna celebrate
Oh yeah, alright
Don't stop the dancing
One more time

Uhmmm...
Want this feelin'
Celebration tonight
Celebrate
Don't wait to late
Uhmmm... no
We don't stop
You can stop
We gonna celebrate
One more time...
One more time...
One more time
Celebration
You know were gonna do it right
Tonight
Hey! Is feeling
Music's got me feeling the need
Need yeah
Come on, all right
We gonna celebrate
One more time
Celebrate and dance so free
Music's got me feeling so free
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
Were gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
Were gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time

Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free

One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free

One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free

One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate

One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free

One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free

One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance so free

One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We gonna celebrate
one more time


Bwee!

:: Stats ::
Current State of Mind: Uber Happy
Sound of the Day: Hee Hee!
Karmi-Word of the Day: Happtastic
Word of the Day: Sweetness
Philosphy of the Day: Utopianism
Hated Thing of the Day: Sad Shit
Amount of Time Spent Between Ben and Karmi Ranting About How Math Sucks: Ben isn't on...* tear *

-Karma

Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

5:59 PM.Wednesday.Nov 26.

I'm feeling rather out of place. For some reason I get the feeling that Mitch is mad at me, but I'm not sure why. I guess I should ask him...

The first day of vacation was pretty good, I guess. I went Thanksgiving shopping with my daddy, which was interesting. There are some strange people in Wal*Mart, lol! It actually inspired me to write a little "How To." I'm not finished with it yet, but once I do, I shall post it.

On to other things...

Assumptions. They're everywhere. We assume something everyday. We assume this person's weird because of the way they dress, we assume that things are a certain way, we asssume that a person doesn't have it as bad as we do.

But the real truth is...we don't know at all.

Any and all of these assumptions are founded on no or very little knowledge. We generalize, put into boxes, whatever we can to make it seem like we have a good grasp of the world, even if it's based on lies, gossip, and what we think to be true. No one can say truthfully that they've never assumed something, that they've never thought ill of someone just because of how they look or one little something they said.

As we make these assumptions, we close ourselves off more and more to people and things, never really knowing, never really experiencing these things which we label as bad. Assumptions line us in, shut our minds off, put a blindfold on what we might do and see.

So why do we make assumptions? Why do we foolishly inhibit our own understanding of the world? In making assumptions, we think that somehow we are better able to classify everything, we know something others don't. But in fact it is the other way around. We make the assumption. Then we catagorize and base more assumptions on top of that assumption. You completly disreagard facts because of that assumption. Truths are erased and opinion is written in. In the end, you are left with one big mess of lies, and know less about the world than you did when you started.

And assumptions can hurt deeply as well.

A little while ago, I had a friend over. For various reasons, my mother and I got into an argument while my friend was there. Once I got back to my room, instead of the support I had expected, I got a 'why do you treat your mom like that? I wish I had a mom like yours. You really don't know what you have.'

Needless to say, I was shocked. She hadn't been here last year when it was all going to hell. She hadn't had to endure my mother and father's drunken rages. The fact was, she didn't know a damn thing about my parents, or what I had to go through. Yet here she was...making arguments for them, telling me I was wrong to be less than respectful to them. After living with them, and having had to deal with their actions, it is no wonder that I am less than the perfectly obideint daughter, full of respect and love.

In the end, we both got in a fight. We both got hurt by eachother's words.

So, I shouldn't have assumed that she would be there for me, or agree with me. And she shouldn't have assumed that her life was harder than mine. The pain our assumptions caused I think will linger for awhile.

Knowing this, having seen all the assumptions people make, and how much they can hurt...I'll try my hardest not to make them. I believe you have to look deeper, to truly see a person, to really question the action and question yourself, before you can say or think things of a person or thing.

The point I'm trying to make?

Assumptions can be fatal. Take the time to look a little closer, and to open your mind.

-Karma



Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, November 24, 2003

  
Both theotaku.com and otakuboards.com were down and unaccesible at around 5:30 to about 6-6:30ish. Unfortunately, that's when I tried to post, and it got deleted. Ach, ya, c'est la vie.

But I'm basically in a really good mood. Solo's new chapter in Enter the Net was hilarious, if you haven't read it, go to the Poetry/Fiction Forum and read it now. And Mimmi left a wonderful message in my guestbook, it made me so happy. =D Thanks Mimmi!

Thanksgiving vacation starts Wednesday!! Five days of no school...I very much need this. Just one more day to get through and I'm free, I'm free! * does a song and dance *

The official sound of the day is Bwee. Why Bwee? Because it is a happy, blissful sound that matches my rather sporadic, bouncy mood. The official Karmi-Word of the day is Uberhyperality. That is is simply a cool word. Admit it. Succumb to the coolness. ^-^

Anyway, that's all for me. Maybe I'll post more later. Bwee!

-Karma

Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

3:42PM.Wednesday.Nov 19.

Back from school. I got about...2 hours of sleep last night. The only reason I could stay awake is because I had 20 oz. Mello Yello, which I bought early in the morning. Oh ye bless'd vending machines, I worship ye...

Moving on. In Gym class today, MK and I started talking about our pasts. About all the shit we've seen and been a part of this past few years. And I felt really close to her...that she would trust me with this, and I surprised myself too, that I could trust her. Trust is something that doesn't come easy for me. I've put my faith in way too many people only to have it shoved in my face to trust people easily again. Since we've known eachother, I don't think I realized how close we were becoming. So, even though the stuff we talked about was mainly depressing, it made me happy. It made me happy to know that we were willing to trust eachother so much. Given the things we've both been through...I seriously doubt either one of us will ever betray that trust.

However, I also feel myself drifting apart from one of my absolute best friends. Lauren. She and I have known eachother since we were 6, and she was the first friend I made in South Carolina, when I moved. I'll never forget the day we met. Just as I arrived at the house, she was outside in my yard, wearing these really silly overalls that just looked so cool...and I had a bag of candy. I offered here some, and she invited me to join in her game.

Since then we've always been best friends. And whenever we spend the night or anything, we click back just like that. But during the days and weeks that I don't spend much time with her...I watch as we slowly stop talking as much as we used to. I know she's suffering from some family life stuff, and just the general stresses of high school, but she doesn't tell me, or anyone, about it. I don't want us to fall apart like some poorly repaired glass cup.

So as I get closer to some people, and farther from others...I find myself terrified that my friends and I will become subject to the 'passage of time' and that we will all go our seperate ways. I refuse to believe in that crap, no matter how many times I've heard old, jaded people say it. The only reason that happens is because people LET it happen. They don't try, they don't make the effort to hold onto those precious friendships.

People change, as do situations. But still, the bonds that tie us remain, if only in our memory. I don't want it to be a mere memory. I need it to be real.

-Karma
{I sure do rant a lot, don't I?}

Comments (0) | Permalink

Hitler of Spelling

You are the Adolf Hitler of spelling. Your
grammatic regimen is so strict, no errors get
past you, and no one with bad grammar talks to
you for very long. If anyone doesn't use at
least relatively good grammar, they don't have
a chance with you. (By the way, there were
eight intentional spelling errors, if you found
more, check on them to be sure they are errors
and let me know. I don't want to be a
hypocrite.)


Are you a Spelling Nazi?
brought to you by Quizilla


It's not true, I promise! Okay, I lied. ^^;;

Actually, several of my friends use horrible grammar like 'ur' and such. It's painful to read, but hey, you have to communicate somehow. This is also why I generally favor talking on the mic with these certain people...* cough Beezel, Kyle, and Lauren cough *

-Karma

Comments (0) | Permalink