Wednesday, November 19, 2003

3:42PM.Wednesday.Nov 19.

Back from school. I got about...2 hours of sleep last night. The only reason I could stay awake is because I had 20 oz. Mello Yello, which I bought early in the morning. Oh ye bless'd vending machines, I worship ye...

Moving on. In Gym class today, MK and I started talking about our pasts. About all the shit we've seen and been a part of this past few years. And I felt really close to her...that she would trust me with this, and I surprised myself too, that I could trust her. Trust is something that doesn't come easy for me. I've put my faith in way too many people only to have it shoved in my face to trust people easily again. Since we've known eachother, I don't think I realized how close we were becoming. So, even though the stuff we talked about was mainly depressing, it made me happy. It made me happy to know that we were willing to trust eachother so much. Given the things we've both been through...I seriously doubt either one of us will ever betray that trust.

However, I also feel myself drifting apart from one of my absolute best friends. Lauren. She and I have known eachother since we were 6, and she was the first friend I made in South Carolina, when I moved. I'll never forget the day we met. Just as I arrived at the house, she was outside in my yard, wearing these really silly overalls that just looked so cool...and I had a bag of candy. I offered here some, and she invited me to join in her game.

Since then we've always been best friends. And whenever we spend the night or anything, we click back just like that. But during the days and weeks that I don't spend much time with her...I watch as we slowly stop talking as much as we used to. I know she's suffering from some family life stuff, and just the general stresses of high school, but she doesn't tell me, or anyone, about it. I don't want us to fall apart like some poorly repaired glass cup.

So as I get closer to some people, and farther from others...I find myself terrified that my friends and I will become subject to the 'passage of time' and that we will all go our seperate ways. I refuse to believe in that crap, no matter how many times I've heard old, jaded people say it. The only reason that happens is because people LET it happen. They don't try, they don't make the effort to hold onto those precious friendships.

People change, as do situations. But still, the bonds that tie us remain, if only in our memory. I don't want it to be a mere memory. I need it to be real.

-Karma
{I sure do rant a lot, don't I?}

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