Thursday, January 13, 2005

4:42 PM.

Plug-time. First of all, I got OtakuSennen's Xmas card in the mail while I was in California, and the thing was fucking hilarious. I will be scanning it later. Thank you, Nick!! Thank you Alex for introducing me to the glories of Jack Johnson and for having an awesome layout. You rock! And once again, thank you Arcadia for the SWEET scarf. You also rock. No more big font. FOR NOW. ~Warning: The below is a very depressing post and is quite unkarmi like. Don't read it if you don't like listening to people being whiny/self-pitying/"omfg i don't know what to do and the whole world is drowning me!!1!11 ;-;"~ Pot, illegal substances. It's such absolute BS. Negative escapism, succumbing to peer pressure - turning into an apathetic monster who's only thought is more drugs, as you friends and family have to watch on in horror and desperate sorrow. Why? I doubt there's any answer anyone can give me that would satisfy. All the stoners say it's not nearly as bad as I make it out to be, I'm so bloody melodramatic. But that's because they're not on my side of the looking glass - I've watched many people I love dearly fall through the hole, seen how miserable they've become. And I've seen the anguish that it takes to pick yourself back up again. It hurts my heart in a way nothing else does - I know that they aren't doing it to me, but it's horribly painful to care about someone when they don't care about themselves. And I doubt they'll ever be able to understand that. My best friend certainly doesn't...she's started using while she's in Cali. And I can honestly say that when she told me she was doing it again, after she swore to me that she wouldn't, that my heart broke for the second time in my life. The first was when I watched my mom stumble out the front door as drunk as she could be, screaming that she was going to kill herself. Then having the cops come and tell me through fake smiles that everything was going to be alright, and feeling fear and guilt far beyond anything I had ever felt before. And then finding her only to get a call from the hospital two hours later saying she had escaped and then getting a call from payphone as she asked us to pick her up in some godforsaken place. Now that I'm faced with losing the person who I learned to trust, even after all of that, to basically the same goddamn thing...I can't help but loose a little bit of faith. /end depressing BS. Survey I stole from the Juusters: 1) First Grade Teacher: Mrs. Evans 2) Last word you said: Tomb. 3) Last song you sang: "In The End" by My Chemical Romance 4) Last person you hugged: Jesika. (my sexy-delicious ex-g/f who still makes me hot. ;D) 5) Last thing you laughed at: Singing "stop! in the name of love!" with Jacque. 6) Last time you said 'I love you': To MK. 7) Last time you cried: A couple nights ago. ...over MK. @_@ 8) What's in your CD player: My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge 9) What colour socks are you wearing: Barefoot. 10) What's under your bed: Another bed. (spares for friends!) 11) What time did you wake up today: 6:03 AM. 12) Current taste: M&M's. 13) Current hair: Wind-blown. 14) Current clothes: Phantasmagorical black pinstripe pants with pocket that detaches and turns into a purse and a white spaghetti strap beneath my tight white long-sleeve with the elf-hood. 15) Current annoyance: My room is too dark to see anything. 16) Current longing: Johnny. (And not the comic book one, either) 17) Current desktop picture: FLCL goodness. 18) Current worry: Mary Kate, german, crushes, self-doubt. 19) Current hate: My bipolarity. 20) Story behind your LJ username: I've always dug the idea of karma - you get what you give. The idea of random, bad and good karma just swirrling around and smacking people in the face - that's so cool. 21) Current favourite article of clothing: Techno-punk black and red dress. 22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex: Hair, eyes, hands. 22a) Favourite physical feature of the same sex: Boobs, waist, hips, shoulders. 23) Last CD that you bought: My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge and A Tribute To Matchbox 20. 24) Favourite place to be: In someone's arms/lap. 25) Least favourite place: Alone. 26) Time you wake up in the morning: 6 AM on weekdays, god-knows-when on weekends. 27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: The ocaraina or the electric guitar. 28) Favourite color: Pink and red. 29) Do you believe in an afterlife: I don't know. 30) How tall are you: 5'7" 31) Current favourite word/saying: Phantasmagorical. 32) Favourite book: Sabriel series by Garth Nix, Catch-22, Speak...lots more... 33) Favourite season: Summer. 34) One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: My kindergarten teacher, so I could thank her for being so kind to me. 35) Favourite day: Friday and Saturday. 36) Where do you want to go: Everywhere. 37) What is your career going to be like: Very artistic and creative. 39) What kind of car will you have: One that works. Dream car - Porsche or Audi convertible. 40) Type a line you remember from any book: "All that David Copperfield kind of crap." - Holden Caulfied, The Catcher In The Rye. 41) A random lyric: "Start bending me, it's never enough, till I feel all your pieces, start bending me, keep bending me until I'm completely broken-in." 42) Identify some things surrounding your computer: A naked mole rat in a sombrero, a penguin with ear muffs and a fish, four trolls, a pimp in zoot suit and a giant golden frog. Oh, and a camel and a mouse riding a llama. --------------------------------------------- RED What is love? Knowing that when you are with that person you are home. Name 3 things you feel very passionate about. Laughter, letting other people know how wonderful they are, leaving a lasting and inspiring mark upon the world. Does fire fascinate you? In terms of how it reflects light and creates shadows, yes. Do you have a short temper? Yes. ^^;; Are you a friend to dragons? Only ones with an accent like Sean Connery's. Are you very warm hearted? I think I am. Do you feel intense emotions? Yes. I'm a very intense person. ORANGE Are you bright? No. XD What are the three most wholesome things you've done lately? Did the laundry for my mom, tried to overcome the emotios of past experience to accept something, left a conversation instead of saying something I didn't mean. Is vibrance a good characteristic to have? Oh YES! Are you rich in self confidence? Not really. Are you rich in vitamin c? Totally. I fucking love orange juice. Is lala orange your favorite rainbow bright character? No, I love them all equally. YELLOW Are you a very happy person? Most of the time, yes. Do you like the sun? No, I adore it. Do you ever feel utter and complete joy? Yes. Do you feel like the volume in your life is all the way up? Constantly. Why be quiet when you can be loud? :D Do you feel warm inside when you hug people? Most of the time. If you were a care bear would you be cheer bear? No way man, I'd be freggin hyper-psychotic spastic bear. Are you lemon scented? No, I am Karmi-Scented. GREEN Are you incredibly lucky? Definitely no. Are you easy going? No, I'm pretty high-strung. But I do enjoy occasionally 'chill-out' moments. Are you very mischievious? Yes. Are you very lusty/sexy? Beyond words. Ever find a four leafed clover? I forget. Are you fresh like mint? Can't say that I am. Does nature speak to you? ...no, but I love nature's beauty and serenity. ^-^ BLUE Do you love to look at water? Yes! Are you calm/relaxed? Every once in a blue moon. Is it very difficult to upset you? Hah, no. Are you at peace? Sometimes. Are you comforting? I hope I am, at least to some people. =\ Are you well balanced? ...that's a funny one. Are you content? Occasionally. PURPLE Are you royalty? I wish. Are you very free spirited? * squeals like a Japanese school girl * Are you conceited? I don't think so. Do you have a passion for indulgence? Yes, but I usually know when to stop. Are you a grape? o_O How did you know?! Are you a purple horseshoe? No, I'm a grape. Duh. PINK Are you less than intense? No. Are you incredibly feminine? When I want to be. BLACK Do you absorb everything possible? Only when I've got the brain capacity. Are you incredibly energetic? 99.8% of the time. GOLD Are you expensive? Only when I can afford to be. ;) Are you worth it? Yes. .:Commentary:. Shinmaru: Lameass. Sennen: Yay for nerdy seclusion! Arcadilicious: * high fives her * anatema: No more boys...I wish I could do that. ^^;; Lassie Asphy: Yes, score! I freakin' love Andy Warhol. Mimmi: I LOVE YOU TOO LIEBCHEN! ;D .:Teh End:. QOTD: "If we want Hell, then Hell's what we'll have." -Jack Johnson -Karma

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