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• 1989-05-02
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myOtaku.com: Karma of Chaos


Monday, March 15, 2004

1:13PM.Mon.Mar 15.

Well, it's been a horrible week.

Last Tuesday, March 9th, one of my friend's committed suicide. He hung himself. Friday night I went to the wake, and on Saturday morning I went to the funeral.

I'm not sure which was more painful.

The wake was a horrifying shock to the system. Seeing him there, dead, rigor mortis set in, frozen cold. Forever.

He's frozen in our memories too. Forever 16, never to be changed again.

My friend's girlfriend walked with me outside into the cemetary, because I told her I needed to scream. And I did. I screamed bloody murder, I yelled everything that I was feeling and then I literally fell to my knees sobbing.

The funeral just made me sick. Chris was an atheist, so the preacher saying all this stuff about God was hypocritical. It wouldn't be what Chris would have wanted either.

When we got there, he said a few more words, and then they released a bunch of ballons in sybolism of Chris's soul being freed. That made me cry again.

I never want to cry that much again my life.

~*~*~

What's really upsetting is how alone, how horrible and helpless he must of felt. It kills a little part of my soul everytime I think about it.

~*~*~

So now I've just got one more thing to say...things are never that bad, that you have to do that. More people love you in more ways than it's ever possible to know. And the people you hurt most by doing that, are the people that you care most about, and that care most about you. It's a choice no one should ever make, no one should ever have to make.

And if you're one of those people who degrades others, makes them feel as if they're worthless, and makes them feel as if the only choice the DO have is suicide...then I'd advise you to stop, before you have more blood on your hands than a guilty conscious can take.
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