Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Well Spank My Butt and Call Me Debbie Underpants! >.

Time: 7:30 PM Song: This Tipsy Love By: J-kwon vs. Maroon 5 Mood: Beyond irritated. >.< Now that my title has gotten your attention, I'd like to bring to your attention that this is going to be a rant.. sorry kiddos... but Sethy's had a bad day and needs to vent on something OTHER then her punching bag. ^.^; Today started off alright, but fifth block today tore my happy mood straight off my face. Mrs. Burnette, my dance teacher, came in talking about how lazy our class is because NO ONE's project was ready. Now Maki and I have our excuses... we had guard practice, grade problems, stress, exhaustion, Maki's been going through a lot of emotional stress (I love you to death Maki!), and it's just project after project... not mention the tape I made was broken, our CD player was used and broken by the freakin' prep squad, we don't have our costumes ready, and our props just aren't ready. But Mrs. Burnette was in the worst mood today, and she took it out on us. Good thing Maki and I are the last to perform since our show's supposed to be really good and a big surprise. I went to Worlf Geography and turned in my make-up work. All went well in that class 'cept for the fact that we were watching a really boring movie and he wouldn't let us put our heads down. I was so tired... >.< Then english came. Oh, boy... we had a sub named Mrs. Holston. She only gave us five minutes to write a page worth of journal entry... about a part in my life that has effected me negatively. I didn't get to finish it... that's -10 points on my bell work grade. Then she had us copy vocabulary words off of the over-head... just my like, my eyes bugged out on me. But I was still the first one to finish the ten vocabulary words. It took the rest of my knock-off classmates to finish ten vocabulary words thirty minutes! And people wonder why I don't have any friends in that class... I had fallen asleep while waiting for everyone to finish up and no one bothered to wake me up once the lunch bell rang for us. So ten minutes after the lunch period began, I nearly fell down the stairs due to my vision and exhaustion. Sat at lunch, ate, didn't joke around much, then went back upstairs to the english class. We finished the rest of the vocab. words and had to read about Shakespeare aloud. Everyone took their good old time reading out loud... so we finished reading it all ten minutes before class ended. Then the sub gave us some questions that had to be answered with the notes on hand, but she collected the damn notes! So on my paper, I simply wrote, *Sub took the notes and I only had five minutes to complete this. Then the sub gave us homework on top of it... and collected the questions. How does Mrs. Crowder expect us to pass her class if she keeps getting subs like this?! Then I went to choir and Mr. Murphy talked to me about my frustration and made everything better. I don't stay mad long anyway... ^.^ We began to learn a new song that's really fast and entitled "The Rythym of Life" for our finale during our last concert which is in May. Everyone's invied... though I don't expect most to show up. xD He gave us time to ourselves and I nearly fell asleep leaning on my bag, but everytime my head rocked, I woke up. We left class and this ruined my day even more... drama. I was standing in the hallway talking to Crystal when we looked over to see Mindy grabbing Lizzie by the arms and screaming at her. I ran over to see what happened. Lizzie and Mindy were both crying. Mindy was screaming at Lizzie about cutting herself and Sykle, Yugi, and the others were standing there. Of course... being almost the center of our group... everyone turned to me for answers. Upon being flooded with questions and Crystal trying to get Mindy to calm down, I felt the stress worsen even more. I watched Mindy, ignoring everyone and then went up, wrapped my arms are Mindy's waist, and carried her away from Lizzie. I held her as she cried and tried my best to comfort her while Lizzie ran off and the rest of the group went quiet. Crystal and I dragged Mindy outside and sat her down. I looked over to Mike, Mindy's boyfriend, and he immediately looked worried and rushed over... he cares about her so much... almost makes me jealous. ^.^; Then Mindy started screaming things like, "I'm weak! I can't even help one person stop cutting!" and Crystal started talking about her cutting in the past and Yugi did too. Then I felt my whole world go dark and just stood there. I felt helpless and didn't know what to do... my friends were all suffering because of Lizzie's actions and I had no clue what to do about it. I will be perfectly honest, I have never cut myself... ever. I found no need to... I did think about it in the past because I used to be very mad at my life, but I used my punching bag to relieve the anger. And taught myself how to play various instruments to keep from dwelling in the past for too long. I used to be a bitch and hate everyone and everything because of the mere thought that the world was out to get me. What else could happen? I'm adopted, lost my older brother... the only one in this whole family who has ever cared for me the most, and much more that I won't go into. The world was out to get me, but I was wrong. I looked at myself and realized that it's not about me, it's about others. Now I am myself... not dwelling in the past, but living life one day at a time with many friends who care about me. Why would Lizzie cut? I know her family life is horrible... but she had friends that care about her! We all love her to death and I have taken notice to her as much as everyone else. I noticed the cuts and talked to her, she promised to try and stop, I noticed the poems she wrote, I noticed her grades dropping quickly (She used to be a perfectionist with all As...), I noticed the bags under her eyes, and I noticed her crying in the mornings and have been there for her. Everday I watch my friends and look for that one spark in their eye that expresses sadness, I look for flaws, for instability. Lizzie was no different. I realized all of this and snapped, but instead of yelling at everyone like I had planned on doing, I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked away, followed by Yugi. I sat on the hill with a normal expression, trying to act as if nothing bothered me... no need to make others worry for me now. ^.^ Joey came up and hugged me tightly, he's a really huggy guy. And Alex sat behind me watching Matt hitch a ride on Will's back. Mike acted like nothing happened and Matt (The Matt I like to sit on) was doing his normal thing, laying on the grass listenin to his CD player. My bus came sooner then expected, I hugged everyone and took my leave. I listened to the only CD I had with me, which was my friends Maroon 5 CD, and pondered about today's events. For the first time in a long while, I wanted to cry... But now I'm home after doing chores, cooking dinner, and finishing my homework, and talking to Ian on the phone (which cheered me up a lot)... and I'm back to normal! No more angsty-ness.. it's all out the window! ^.^ Now go read something good your little gophers! ^.^ Phlinx, I love ya, bro... remember to take it easy. And I still think about you ever when we haven't talked in forever as well! Tala, I hope this post meant something to ya. Everyone else... I love you to death and you can come to good 'ol Sethy for anything!

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