Monday, April 18, 2005

Just Thinking...

Time: 5:30 PM Song: Blue and Yellow By: The Used Mood: Thoughtful. This post is just a simple run-through of what's going through my mind... since I really don't feel like being a burden to those around me who seem to offer me their shoulder on a daily basis... no matter how much I say I don't need it. I am overcome my an immense worry that has been shaking me up constantly ever since last night. My phone rang last night and I picked it up, wondering who could be calling at about 11:00 pm at night... since I'm not allowed on the phone after 8:30 pm on weekdays and what-not. I don't know who it was, but he kept saying things about how I am so lucky to recieve so much attention at school, even when I don't want it. It's not that I don't want it... it's just that I don't care if I have it or not. Then he went on, saying things about a shooting that'll happen three years from now. And he asked me if I would be one of the ones to save my friends... then the phone went dead. I couldn't help it and I went to my parents' room and tried to talk to them, but they said that it was probably just a freakin' prank call. But I don't take things like this lightly. I've been a wreck all day... but functioning quite normally for everyone else's needs. I just hope that I find out who it was that called and why they said it. They obviously know me... so I need to analyze my surroundings a bit more then I have been doing lately. More thoughts... I have come to the realization that the person I love will never return my feelings and only look at me as nothing more then a friend. I'm not depressed, upset, nor too happy about it. But all will go back to normal within time and it'll seem as if my attraction never happened... which a lot of people don't even know it was there in the first place. I am content in knowing that we are friends and will hopefully remain so for the rest of the time we both know each other... and as long as my friend is happy, then I am happy as well. More thoughts... I was thinking a lot about my friends today and was a bit peeved at myself for quite awhile. I've noticed that my social ability to interact with my friends has decreased pretty badly as of late. It seems that I don't really talk to anyone at school as much as I used to. I hope they all understand that I've been going through a lot when it comes to family and school work. Don't worry guys, Sethy hasn't died yet! She's still here... just taking some time to worry about school work. As the school year ends, it seems that everyone's problems seem to increase day by day. Every time someone comes to me, I listen to their story and help them as much as possible. I hope everyone gets back to normal as soon as possible... no one seems happy anymore and I hate being the only one smiling at table or in the mornings every day. Be happy everyone! Ian told me about he feels stressed with school work as well, so I cheer him up every single time he calls me and then we both feel better. I hate it when my friends are overly stressed about things they can't help. More thoughts... I'm just a bi girl who wishes to live a normal life like everyone else. So why do people feel the need to be rude to me on a daily basis about my sexuality? Today, a girl named Morgan flat out asked me, "Are you a lesbian?" infront of all of her gossiping friends. I put my book down and stared her straight in the eyes... then I smiled brightly and said, "Actually... I'm bi!" Then all of her friends kept saying things like, "Are you into black women?" and teasing me. It doesn't hurt... it's just really annoying and they don't seem to realize that: 1. If I felt turly insulted and was another person, I would've lashed out. and 2. If I were a very sensitive person, I would probably commit suicide or something. It's amazing what people don't notice when they think they're being funny about another person's traits or personality. Some serious damage could be done to a person by saying things like that to another. Well... that ends my little thought bubble for today! This week is the week for exams, so I'll probably be posting my thoughts a lot this week... It's not like they're interesting anyway. xD Phlinx, I know you can take of yourself... but just know that we're all here for you. Tori, I'm here for you too, Tori! Love ya lots! Alora, I'm sorry about your prediciment and all... hope things get better. Tala, I'll start planning the sleep over ASAP. Everyone else, don't get stressed out and have fun in life while you still can!

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