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myOtaku.com: Keiko Inchihara
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Tuesday, January 3, 2006
Well, it's official! We're off to find my daddy! So many things I want to say to this guy... I'm finally putting a face on the shadow who is my father.
I'm so excited. Of course, I won't be able to see him right away because we still need to hire the detectives and the lawyers, but I will eventually.
I want to face that jackass and tell him whatfor.
Once, I was asked, "Doesn't it feel weird, or do you ever miss your dad?" I can imagine myself getting oddly angry or embarassed by this question... but I didn't feel anything. I suppose its a tad sad that I felt nothing towards a mention of my father, but how can I miss something I've never had?
Sometimes I question myself though, what would my life had been like if I did live with both parents? Would I be anything like the person I am now? Would I have the same views and strong belief in some of my values?
I've often wondered what it would be like to have a parent attending all those concerts, sports events, or to show up to television appearances when I achieved something great and got recognition, to see me dance, to see me sing, see me try my best in everything.
It's something I've put thought into... but I highly doubt I'd want him of all people to see me at my highest, or my lowest.
I also ask myself whether or not there's going to be any love; any form of it.
Now that I think about it... I do love him.
I love him the way he loves me.
Not a single acknowledgement of my existence, no support, choosing to remain an insignificant shadow in my life, rather than show himself for the person he is. Making me doubt myself when I'm at my absolute lowest. Yes, this is our love.
KI
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