Tuesday, November 9, 2004

   a little better now.....
I'm feeling a little bit better today, but my eyes still won't entirely open because they're so swollen from crying. I wish my friends wouldn't talk about plans that they have that don't include me over the phone like they just did. It makes me feel horrible.
Here's something I came up with during that hurtful phone conversation. (The paper I wrote it on is kinda wet cuz I was washing the dishes*grrrrrrrr*while they just kinda talked):

"You forgot"
You left me here
to be alone
with my undying pain.
And now I sit here
in the cold
and never ceasing daggers of rain.
It's my soul pouring out,
every last drop,
nothing will be spared.
I want the rain to never stop.
For if it does,
the sun will shine
and mock me in my pain.
The rain is my blood,
running away
from the hideous body of me.
Let my blood pour out,
leave the taste in my mouth,
let it be my final meal.
As a lay down to sleep,
let it be
the last time I'm awake.
Let it be the time
my soul will take
to the skys above;
soaring free at last
from the prison of this world.
Let my bed give me rest from my torment and pain,
but let remain
the unceasing rain.
As a reminder to all
that you forgot;
that as I died,
you searched and sought
for a soul that would never
be seen again,
how you were never there
when I needed a friend.
Let it remind you how you never held my hand.
But do not weep for the loss of me,
for now my soul is finally free.
Do not bury me
for the worms to feed,
but burn my body
in the firey heat.
During the ceremony,
my soul will speak:
"You forgot; now I am free.
I may only be found
across the Eternal Sea."

Yah, that's it. And thanks to nekoyasha55, for telling those muchachas locas that I am not a psychopath *mutters* stupid insenitive bakas -___-''' *grrrr*

Oh, and last night on the phone, my dad was saying that my mom meant that we couldn't get a dog right away, but that we could get one in the spring(after the holidays), or in the summer when we have time off from school.

All I keep wanting to do is just die when I lie dowm to go to sleep. What peace and bliss I could find in the death! Oh, if only there was some way as peaceful as death to ease my pain.(I hate guidance counslers and shrinks) I cry almost every two hours for him now. I feel like I want a new dog right away so I can snuggle my face into it's soft, warm, fluffy fur-but then again, I don't because I know it wouldn't really feel loved because I still really miss Duke, so how can I give my full, undying love to a new heart so quickly in such hasty transition?
That's my ranting for tonight.
c ya!
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