hey guys im off of school today, dont know why but i am!! well i had a talk with my mom grandma and aunt and it was really weird~!!! they were talking to me about my life down at my dads which they wanted t know what is said about my mom and why i want to live down here so much and then we all cried and my aunt lisa was hillarious!! (she is the funniest out of all) im justl ike her too!! well my day is good except that i just got up from a very good sleep so oi would hve time toget on annd talk ot yu guys today!! well im going to end with a poem and go back to sleep or somethng!!
~rissa~
Infected with the impurity of a sick girl.
Shunning those who love her, turning her back on the world.
I am facing reality head on.
My weakness for you overrides, I must be strong.
Ashamed of what God has left in my hands.
This empty Hell they call life, I do not understand.
If we die anyways, left only with the past.
Our last breath, only a recap of what will never last.
I am perfect in suicidal wants and urges.
Wanting to feel alive, as my worst nightmare emerges.
The only saviour I could feel has left me here to rot.
You were something to hold onto whether you knew or not.
Peeling petals off of dying daisies.
Exhausted from "what if's" and "maybe's"
I don't believe in bliss for it never came to my door.
Paralyzing silence as I once again fall through the floor.
This never fails to thicken the sorrow.
Facing myself without you today and tomorrow.
Gone forever, so far away, soon you will dissolve in my memory.
Screaming inside for you and only you to save me.
Falling and suffocating as I stumble into my mistakes.
I'm sorry for everything I've done, my redemption, what will it take?
Close my eyes and pray for something new.
I'd do anything if just for one moment I could be with you.
Just being alive is never quite enough.
I must endure the worst kind of pain you've ever heard of.
But for one second I feel whole, as I hear your voice.
Now I know, above all I must make my choice.
Will I live for no one or die for you, for I am only seeking for perfection.
The ugliness that is me becomes my reflection.
Maybe we all come to be too quiet.
No one speaks their heart as we let others pass by it.
I am just like the others afraid of how I feel.
Swept under pressure and that makes my mind surreal.
My love for you stays on the inside, and I will pick up the pieces.
Embrace my hopeful words and cover the creases.
But you can see me, you just don't know what's inside.
I'm smiling for you, that's the fake happiness on the outside.
You are with her, and I am standing on the edge of everything.
Wanting to plunge to my death, yes I would do anything.
If it would make you happy if I was dead.
I will shatter my dreams, and die instead.
I would die to make you smile.
That burning light that makes you who you are, an eternal fire.
I'd do anything to keep that fire burning forever.
Even if it meant, my wrists were bleeding and we weren't together.
I know I'm stupid, and worthless and hopeless.
But maybe you'd notice if I was gone from this.
I love you so far.
I won't forget you are.
Just say the word and I will dissapear.
Forever from you, forever from here.
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SO HAPPY TO BE FREE!!!