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• Kilikina

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myOtaku.com: Kilikina Majere


Friday, November 19, 2004

   Take Note
It has come to my attention that I am very uncomfortable with the set of friends I have and should probably find new ones, but there is no place to look.

My normal groupe of friends, the ones that used to compose what we called 'The Group' are all to dramatic, some imature, for me to tell them things. Especialy things that have great significance to me or things that I have contributed a considerable amount of thought to. The outcomes of my trying to tell them something are: they interupt me with their problems and I wait paciently, waiting for an opening to speak; they sit quietly and tune me out, thinking their thoughts, until I am done; or hear and take it the wrong way and become angry, so then I must explain myself and put all my energy into trying to get through to them, that no, they did not start my concern, no, it really has nothing to do with them, and yes, I just want to talk with them, tell them whats going on and be their friend. That is the first part of the set.

The second part consist of a group of none-close friends who I admire above all others and who are all older than me, some do not go to my school, some do not live in this country. These are the people who would listen, really hear me. They would not interup, they would not think all my thoughts revolve around them, they would not over-react and/or become angry. They would be friends one would truly be lucky to have. Unfortunately, I am not in their 'inner circle' of friends and therefor would not burden them with my thoughts.

In the begining of everyone of my friendships, I consider that person to be wonderful, admireable, my best friend. In other words, everyone of them had my complete and utter trust when I met them. They prove me wrong and thus I push them further and further away. I am outgrowing my close groupe of friends and fearing I will never be close friends with the ones I admire.
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