Tuesday, May 23, 2006

   -shrugs- Finally a worthy update...
All day its been a battle. I'm exhausted and totally burned out... Today was a nightmare... It started off fine and then got harder and harder to deal with... I'm really tired and have a huge headache... everyones an asswipe... and no one bears compassion anymore... it's like... sad... >> Truly and utterly << sad. Lately... I've bee more depressed then usual. I just want to press rewind and start over again with everything in my life... I have to say Seth has been a great friend to me... he hasn't given up on me... me of all people! In fact... he's stuck with me throughout all my tears... my whines... my moans... and even my worst betrayals... its like... he sees through me... and understands me inside and out... It's been a struggle... these past few days... now officially a week... and I'm still sick of it all. I've fallen under a spell of depression. I've tried to keep myself busy with the opera coming up and all... but its just... all this shit has me rethinking everything. My attitude has gotten really fucked up with my parents... and I don't know why. I can't get along with ANYONE... the only one who sees me through is Seth these days... He listens to my stupid whining while all my other friends sort of went their own ways... but... that was my fault. I haven't been the greatest person in my life... and I've chased away most of my friends with my fears and tears... Other times its just a matter of being afraid to open up... After... "Missy" came into my life... things changed... And now I can't trust anyone. I sometimes wonder if I'm turning into Missy... but then Seth snaps me out of it and tell me I'm only human. I wish I could believe these things he's telling me... He wants me to let go of the past... but I can't. I'm so confused about everything... With the Phantom Play coming up soon... And my neuroticness coming to an all time high... Seth volunteered for Phantom in my scene with it... >>". Despite whatever I may say about it... doing a scene like the one in the opera with him will be easier.... then doing it with a high schooler I never really knew... Life is giving me shit right now... But if all works out perhaps I can get through this. I'm cynical and bitter lately... but right now I wanna thank my true friends for seeing me through this mess. Even Taylor helped... at least she wiped away my tears. >< I think my lifes about to change people... and wow... boy am I ready... over and out.... Kisa. <3



~*This is the scene I'm suppose to be in... -twitch- I'll never be as pretty as she is... BUT I'LL TRY! The other scene I'm in is not in the movie... but its minor. >.> All and all I make a splash apperance for 20 minutes out of the whole thing... >_>"""" I just hope I can act good enough*~