Wednesday, March 28, 2007

   I feel mean!
I snapped at John today. (giver of flowers) He really didn't deserve it so now I'm going to have to apologize. I should talk to him more, I'm cold. I mean damn, he hasn't done anything to me, but I wind up never speaking to him. I'm horrible! TT_TT
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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

   IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And everyone loves me! My friends got me stuff too! Kailey got me candy, Rachel brought cupcakes, Yi-chin got me a candle and an awsome bookmark, Trevor got me something that I guess he got off the internet, and John (this guy I don't really like that way) got me roses. Yellow roses and a red rose in the middle. It was really sweet, but I don't want to turn him down flat. He hasn't said anything to me about it though. It was probably the best birthday I've had in forever. (And I looked gorgeous if I do say so myself :3 )
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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

   It's spring break and I'm bored.....
I've sat around all day the past two days and nobody's bothered to call me or anything. TT_TT That's why the internet is my friend! YAY INTERNET!!! I've got lots of anime to watch and nowhere to do it. My little brothers would wander in at the worst possible moment and I'd be screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOO!" But it would be too late and their brains would be mush.
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Saturday, March 17, 2007

   EEEH!!!
My wallpapers have been downloaded 41 times!!! You like them you really like them! 27 for the first one, 14 for the second one! I'll try to get another one up today. XD
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Sunday, March 4, 2007

   KATIE'S FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
She came home from the hospital yesterday! She'll be able to go back to school in a month. It would have only been two weeks, but we have spring break.

P.S. I'm going to scan the covers of Densha Otoko and submit them as wallpapers, you should check them out when I'm finished! (I hope that I don't get caught, the submission page says, "Your work only." but almost every wallpaper on the site is a copy from something.
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Sunday, February 25, 2007

   So how is Kassie-chan today? (Someone asked and below is the answer)
...alive? That's the positive. TT_TT My dad's having trouble with his damn blood pressure and he's been whining about it. How dare he! Katie's about to have major surgery and here he is throwing a fit about that?! We were on our way back from church today and he's saying that "I can only eat two pieces of pizza and that's 100% of my salt intake for the day. I love pizza. What I am going to do about this?" and on and on. Finally he realized I wasn't responding/attempting to explode his head by thinking hard enough and said, "You don't care do you?" and I said, "No I don't care and I guess you're just going to have to learn to cook. I have better things to worry about than your stupid blood pressure." He shut up after that.

His birthday was Wednesday (he turned 40, so that' probably part of his problem) and on that day he had a breakdown. We went to burger king, he refused to eat, my friend Mark was here as well as my uncle and little cousin and here he was freaking out and pouting. I wanted to smash his face in. He's been whining about his blood pressure and his freaking car "broke down" last week so he had to immediately go out and get a new one (not brand new mind you, but nice) even though we surely to God don't need that extra loss of money. He's so damn RETARDED!!!!

Also, Katie's surgery is tommorrow at 8:00 a.m. so please pray for her. It's major surgery, they are removing her appendix and up to a foot of her intestines.
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Saturday, February 3, 2007

God gave me a miracle.
Hi again all! I've been away for a week because my sister is in the hospital. On Sunday my mom took her to a doctor (not our regular doctor) because she's been sick for two weeks with no improvement and he told us that she had walking pneumonia without a chest x-ray or any blood tests. He gave her an antibiotic that could induce vomiting which she was already doing and sent her home. My mother decided that since she obviously couldn't keep the medicine down that she should go see our doctore whom upon being visited promptly freaked out and sent her to the hospital. They believe her appendix ruptured and they did surgery Tuesday but the infection was great and they were unable to tell if it was actually her appendix or even where her appendix was. She's been feeling bad for two weeks and we believe that her appendix ruptured last Wednesday but since she was already sick we assumed she just had a stomacheache (that and her whole stomache hurt rather than just one side)

Now here's the miracle, they think that her appendix has an absess formed around it that kept the infection from spreading out into her body and killing her and not only that but it was five days before anyone even knew that's what it was. And also, my mother had the common since to take her to the other doctor, otherwise that jerk probably would have killed her.

Hopefully she's coming home tommorow but she can't go back to school for two weeks and she'll have to have another surgery in a month or two to actually remove the appendix or whatever is causing problems. (They can't remove it now because of all the infection and swelling.)

Please pray for her and thank you for reading all this. :)
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Sunday, January 28, 2007

Damn myspace and me along with it!
I hate myself sometimes. Like right now, I just found out that my friend who suppossedly doesn't have a myspace, has a myspace. (Hell now I care about freakin' myspace! I hate myspace) This isn't a big deal I don't have a myspace either, but why would he lie about it? Is he doing things he doesn't want me to know about? It's ridiculous! What could he possibly do? He's not the sort of person that drinks or parties so ZOMG he must be talking to other girls! Big freakin' deal I'm not his girlfriend why would I care? Unless he's talking dirty in which case I would be offended and couldn't talk to him for a while at least. I just don't understand what the point is in lieing about it when it doesn't matter. I then I get to thinking what if he doesn't want me to read it because he's kissing everyone else's ass (which is highly possible because he kisses a lot of ass) and he doesn't want me to see. Or worse yet, he acts one way around me and acts another around other people or maybe he talks about me behind his back. I know that's a major leap but it's highly possible because he does that exact thing to another girl we know.

And now on to why I hate myself currently, I said something to the effect of well I'm just going to ask him about it tomorrow and my mom and sister were like, "Don't do it, you'll get mad and go off on him." and it's true. I lash out at people for no reason. They do something slight and maybe I'm crazy but lieing to me is so damn depressing. Why the hell lie to me? I've done this before, I'll go talk to the person about whatever's bothering me and I'll be trying to do so calmly and I just snap and say the nastiest things. I feel like shit I do it occasionally and scar people emotionally. I got to where I just wouldn't say anything no matter what had been said just so I wouldn't freak on them but I should say something if something bothers me, right? I'm such an ass. It's like on Friday he got me started on how he's always crushing my hopes. And seriously some of the things he says to me he shouldn't ever say and I know he's not meaning to be an ass but I went off on him a little and I felt so bad about it I almost cryed. I just get so upset with people and then I don't say anything for fear of hurting them and I hurt them even more. I drive everyone away eventually. I can't keep friends long and he's probably reached his limit. I'll start self-destructing again. I'm just so damn lonely and everybody seems to know it. I just want to feel needed and damn he trys but he acts that way with everybody and I feel like it's just the same as with everybody else. Like it's not special attention. NOt that I want that kind of thing from him, I just want someone to be my friend. I really want someone to love me dammit someone to hold me tight when I start sinking into horrible spiraling depression. And there's noone not a damn soul that will take me close when I need to be hugged tight. I just have to whole up in my room and pray that someone will come along to save me. But what if they don't? What if nobody wants shit to do with me? What if I'm ugly or as mean-spirited as I think I am? What if I can't have someone that close or I'll rip them apart verbally? It's days like this I sort of wish that I was a prep. That I was a slutty hore and people payed attention to me, that I just screamed at the top of my lungs for all the world to hear. Maybe nobody would want anything to do with the real me, but at least they'd pretend I was interesting. I just feel so worthless. There's just no point in talking to me, I won't lay with you, so go on. Apparently personality and heart mean nothing these days so why not just become a freaking nun? Why not? There's no reason to try anymore. I'm freaking sixteen, SIXTEEN!!! and not one kiss no one has ever held my hand or sat close with me. Never! I know highschool romance isn't real but damn I want to feel appreciated. I'm sure there will be another of these rants on Valentine's. God knows I try not to be affected but I can't help it, I know that 90% of that is show but I wish someone would put on a show for me! I'm so damn shy! I guess I don't put myself out there but why should I when most of them are assholes anyway?

I'm sorry if you read all that but I've basically only got one watcher and he only comes by occasionally so he hopefully won't have read this. (Damn I'm morbid!)
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Monday, January 22, 2007

   I'm a bad person or something...

Katie drew that. ^

I got pulled over today for the first time...because I didn't have my lights on... I didn't get in trouble or anything, and the policeman was really nice, but I cryed when I got home. Katie said she thought I was going to cry but I held it together. I've decided that she and my mom treat me like Blossom and Buttercup treat Bubbles. (the Powerpuff Girls if you aren't nerdy enough to know!) I told them that I was "hardcore now!"

I made a Powerpuff Girls reference.

I think I might die.
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Thursday, January 4, 2007

.............sorry for the silence
Christmas went well, I got a Wii!!!! (which is awsome, I love me some raving rabbids) and everybody got what they wanted. (as far as I know) School is going good thus far. I have art, yay art! I hope to learn something other than the drawing of anime this year. I also have spanish III with my friend Kailey, Madrigals (sweet sweet choral music1), and U.S. History. All of which are great except history which could be good but I don't know yet. (At least I can draw in there.) I'll upload some art for you guys, ok? I haven't uploaded anything here in a long time...
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