Friday, July 21, 2006

   I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!
It's Friday and usually on Friday nights my parents take Katie and I to the mall, today however we're going to the lake, I got all dressed up for nothing. I don't want to go sit on a hot little boat for an hour so that I'll look like shit when I return. My hair looks so good today I finally managed to get it to look right and nobody will even get to see it.
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Thursday, July 20, 2006

   Sometimes I wonder if I'm just talking to myself...
I had another do-nothing day today. I'm so sick of staying in this freaking house and rotting. I want to get out and meet people. I'm going to have to meet people, because currently my friends suck. I called this one guy Andy (just a friend, I'm no playa)the other day and he was busy, he said he'd "make sure to call me back this time" it's been about a week and he has yet to call me back. This is what always happens to me, I can't keep friends who actually care and I sure as hell can't keep boys who care (or actually have had boys care)That's another thing about sitting here alone in this house, it makes you feel sorely unwanted and very unloved. My window to the world has been this computer, and what a warped world I access with it. All I use the internet for is to talk on anime forums and post art and stuff. It's like my life centers around the damn thing. I want to have something better to do for once than waste my life in front of this screen. It's killing me, I'm not a very social person because I'm shy in person but God knows I need real human interaction. I'm sorry guys (anyone who actually reads this) but I don't consider human interaction talking to people over the internet, it just isn't the same as being able to reach out and touch someone. By the way, my deviantart account is slowly coming along, follow the link:[url="http://kitsune-shojo.deviantart.com/]Link-thingy[/url]
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

   Nothing much today
I haven't left the house today and so haven't done anything interesting. I got my hair cut yesterday it is now about an inch or two above my shoulder. I don't get my hair cut very often but when I do I always get it cut this short. It floors me because it has always grows down to go a couple inches down my back before I get it cut again. I kept seeing my face in the mirror and thinking what happened to my hair. I wasn't sure I liked it, but it's growing on me. It's so much lighter now. 0_0 I want to post a picture but common sense says that would be inviting stalkers...
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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

   I go back to school in three weeks
I don't know whether to be happy or not, with my current state of my friends obviuosly don't give a shit and utter lack of desire to get up early to "learn" I can't say I'm pleased. It will be back to run around the hallways like a mouse in a maze and hope nobody runs me over so I won't wind up shouting something profane at someone twice my size only to dissapear into the mass of bodys. School has a way of making you feel very not special unless the teacher likes you in which case I wind up talking to them. I'm the type of weirdo who actually talks to adults, so most of my teachers like me. I try not to lie to them and I do my homework which does loads for ones standings. Then again I am smart "brag brag brag" and oh so popular (
Actually we did a project last year in english were we were suppossed to memorize a poem and I did "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot. If you've never read that poem it runs a little something like this:

I


We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar


Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;


Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.


II


Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.


Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer --


Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom


III


This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.


Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.


IV


The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms


In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river


Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.


V


Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.


Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow


For Thine is the Kingdom


Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow


Life is very long


Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom


For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the


This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Well anyway, I freaked out a little because we have to stand in front of the class and I was shaking so bad I couldn't speak for a minute. Then I thought, well what difference does it make if you screw it up, everybody else did. It was amazing, very few people in that class actually speak to me but they all fell silent long enough for me to finish my poem. I only stopped once and no one even noticed because some guy opened the door to take the attendance sheet and they thought I stopped because of that. I'm sure they all think I'm an emo kid or something or depressed (which if you were to read all my posts on here you might come to the same conclusion) but they were at least respectful. I tryed to type it all out but I couldn't remember how all the stanzas were aligned and it was easier to copy it, so I did. 0_0

What do you guys think of the poem?
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Monday, July 17, 2006

   Farther and farther I sink into my pity party...
This is another long-winded whiny-ass rant, read if you want but I don't blame you if you don't.

I just want to hang out with my friends but I haven't really gotten too and I'm beggining to think all my friends are superficial and don't care to hang out. This always happens I get the kind of friends who hang out when no one they know and like better is around. At this point, everybody knows each other. I have been stuck is this freakin' house so long without friends who call or email me back or anything it's beggining to feel like a prison. I talk to my internet friends more than my real life friends and when I do call a real life friend and they're busy doing something else with somebody else I get jealous. Then again it's probably because I no longer have a best friend other than Katie and I must irratate people so much that they eventually leave me along. I just feel like it must be my fault ie, maybe I'm iratating, maybe I'm to whiny, maybe I'm boring, maybe I'm ugly (shock! this one is actually in here because of my total lack of love interest)Maybe I am too much of a weirdo, maybe it is as my mother says I intimidate them, maybe they all think I'm stuck up because I'm smart (which in truth I am just a little, I can't stand people who don't even attempt to pass a class and then want me to help them or think that I'm being a bitch when I'm looking down my nose at them. I'm not going to help some damn prep just because she's too lazy to do her homework. ) I don't think chasing after people is good I've tryed that before and I always chase the wrong crowd of people, people who don't like me and I'm not sure why they let me hang around anyway. I get so mad, because I'm just freaking sitting here all day wasting my summer (I can't get a job because I have to watch my little brothers and I can't even freakin' drive anyway) and I think if only I could get out of this damn house I would have a chance.

I could go on like this for days so I'll stop now. :)
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Thursday, July 13, 2006

   Sorry about yesterday's post.
I hate it when people just post something random like that. I was on late and I didn't want to lose the results. That second one kind of looks like me. 0_0

Anyway, today is my mom's birthday and none of us remembered. I felt so bad, not even my dad did. The only one to remember was my grandmother. Later my grandmother will take us out to dinner in honor of the occasion. That's all the interesting things that's happened lately though. I need to finish some more of my drawings so that there will be more stuff to show off. :) That's all for now.

P.S. What do you think of the new background? Rock Lee is my homeboy fo-eva!
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

   I'm a beautiful person acording to an easily tricked quiz-thing!

What would you look like as an anime character (over 100 different pics!)(modified!) by Jrockfangurl14
Name or Username
Age
Favorite Color
what you look like -
you are-	humorous
usual mood-	funny
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What would you look like as an anime character (over 100 different pics!)(modified!) by Jrockfangurl14
Name or Username
Age
Favorite Color
what you look like -
you are-	happy
usual mood-	happy
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Yep, my day was boring, but I did upload some stuff to deviantart. I have three drawings and several photos, though I draw more than take pictures. There were more pictures worthy of uploading than drawings.

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

   I am a misreable loser...
This is my forewarning, every once in a while this blog and anyone who reads it is subjected to a whiny angst fit like the one you may be about to read. Just skip it if that bothers you.

Anyway, I got all depressed today because of several things. I want to go see Pirates of the Carrebean (how does one spell that godforsaken word?) Two with my friends. More specifically my two girl friends (not girlfriends 0_0) because with Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom that movie is an action movie with fanservice for girls, but I could'nt get ahold of neither of them. I emailed the one friend a week before Friday and she still hasn't replied and the other one was never home. So I call my two guy friends (yes that's right I have exactly four good friends, I'm weird that way.) the one is still out of town I guess and the other one wasn't home and never called me back. I should have called Andy back myself I guess but since the other boy is out of town it would have just been Katie, me, and Andy. Andy would have thought he was a pimp or hot or something and would have acted weird the whole time so I didn't.

But I guess my whole beef with life today was that I'm freaking lonely. I talk to my internet friends more regularly than my real life friends, because none of us really call each other or get together and do things. Then on top of that, I still don't have a boyfriend. My mom says that we "intimidate boys" and "it's because we don't chase after them" WTF?! I would think that, a girl who whenever in a mall goes to a gamestop, the anime aisle of the bookstore, and the arcade if I can drag Katie in there. Come on, I don't talk like a prep and as far as I know I'm not obnoxious. (and I fancy myself mighty purdy (not pretty purdy, and you can define that as you see fit))
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Monday, July 10, 2006

   I just added this awsome music player...
So if you want to so what breed of dork you're dealing with, play on! I haven't done an interesting thing today but I do now have a deviantart account though. I don't have but three pictures on there right now, I'll upload more tomorrow and then I'll tell you my account name. Like you couldn't guess...
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Friday, July 7, 2006

   Stuff I did...
I went to a really nice arcade yesterday, I had a good time. My grandmother got kind of hateful (she took us there) because she didn't understand what the guy up front was saying to her and she wanted us to decide what she wanted to do. But anyway, I played the DDR ripoff Pump it up, I'm not very good at that game, and a drum game were you have three drums and have to hit them in time with the music, and this odd game called panic park were you play two players and you each have a handle that swings back and forth and the game asks you to do things like catch the chickens and you and the other player have to push against each other sometimes to get to the item. I'm sure we were hilarious to watch, Katie is stronger than me so I had to fight harder to get the little coins or avoid this or that. It was fun though. We also played laser tag with three redneck grown men who thought that we needed one of them on our team and so volunteered the only guy who hadn't made a weird comment to be on our team. They were saying stupid stuff about how "the girls needed so and so on their team because he's almost a girl anyway and it wouldn't be fair otherwise. "I wanted so badly to beat them, but my aim is terrible so I would come across one of them and hit inches away from the actual target. Needless to say we got beaten and I think it was my fault because I got hit alot, but I came in second place scorewise on my team behind the quiet guy. When we got out of there though the stupid dumbasses weren't content to just beat us, no they had to comment "Sorry we had to beat you girls. Maybe next time." What was wrong with them? They were grown men I don't see where that becomes entertaining for them. Next time though my aim will have improved and I dare them to fight me again. The bad thing was, though they worked there doing electrical work and were there when we left making the same stupid comments much to the emberassment of the quiet guy who apparently had some manners.
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