Tuesday, July 18, 2006

   I go back to school in three weeks
I don't know whether to be happy or not, with my current state of my friends obviuosly don't give a shit and utter lack of desire to get up early to "learn" I can't say I'm pleased. It will be back to run around the hallways like a mouse in a maze and hope nobody runs me over so I won't wind up shouting something profane at someone twice my size only to dissapear into the mass of bodys. School has a way of making you feel very not special unless the teacher likes you in which case I wind up talking to them. I'm the type of weirdo who actually talks to adults, so most of my teachers like me. I try not to lie to them and I do my homework which does loads for ones standings. Then again I am smart "brag brag brag" and oh so popular (
Actually we did a project last year in english were we were suppossed to memorize a poem and I did "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot. If you've never read that poem it runs a little something like this:

I


We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar


Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;


Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.


II


Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.


Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer --


Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom


III


This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.


Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.


IV


The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms


In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river


Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.


V


Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.


Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow


For Thine is the Kingdom


Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow


Life is very long


Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom


For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the


This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Well anyway, I freaked out a little because we have to stand in front of the class and I was shaking so bad I couldn't speak for a minute. Then I thought, well what difference does it make if you screw it up, everybody else did. It was amazing, very few people in that class actually speak to me but they all fell silent long enough for me to finish my poem. I only stopped once and no one even noticed because some guy opened the door to take the attendance sheet and they thought I stopped because of that. I'm sure they all think I'm an emo kid or something or depressed (which if you were to read all my posts on here you might come to the same conclusion) but they were at least respectful. I tryed to type it all out but I couldn't remember how all the stanzas were aligned and it was easier to copy it, so I did. 0_0

What do you guys think of the poem?
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