Wednesday, July 6, 2005

   I am the Lemon Merchant!

Tuesday is almost over and I still haven't found my pet ping pong ball.

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Yes, it's time for y'all to start wondering about my sanity! Whee!!!!

I had a pretty uneventful day. Started out with a touch of a headache, so no Java was attempted. Also, I had to do laundry. When will it ever end?

While doing my laundry, I went through a manilla folder of stuff that I found in a bag in my bedroom. It was full of all sorts of stuff that I don't fully remember why it's there in the first place. But I did find a little thing I did online way back on 10 May 2000! It's from a website that doesn't exist anymore, which is a dirty rotten shame! And now for your enjoyment and possible revulsion... I present the following:

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The Van Dueseldorfs Visit Ptomaine World

One day, while Spike and Booger were watching Binky Boy on TV, Otto came home from his job as President of the USA and said, "I have an idea! Let's take a trip to the Tapeworm-o-rama this Saturday!"

"No!" yelled Spike and Booger. "We wanna go to Ptomaine World instead! Can we, Otto? Can we please, please, with whipped cream on top?" they asked with big, pleading eyes.

"Oh, all right," answered Otto resignedly.

'Wow, that was easy! What a Dead-meat,' thought Booger and Spike to themselves as they smiled sweetly at Otto. And as Otto bent down to accept a grateful kiss from the two wonderful children, they ran back to the TV to watch Binky Boy. Otto can be nice and generous, but next to Binky Boy, he was dog meat.

Finally the big day came and at the Ptomaine World entrance booth, Trixie and Otto were surprised to find that they had to take out a loan at Hans, the Unfriendly Bacterium's Finance Company to buy tickets for the whole family. But once inside the park, the kids stopped crying. Boy, was it ever crowded!

They got in line at Washing Machine Mountain, and were excited to know that soon they would be zooming along in a ride that lets the riders feel 344 times the crushing G-force felt by astronauts lifting off in the Space Shuttle. How funny Otto and Trixie would look as their eyeballs nearly pop out of their sockets!

After only a 23 hour wait in line, it was the Van Dueseldorf's turn to experience Washing Machine Mountain! Unfortunately, they were told by the uniformed high school kids who work as carnies that the kids were to small and couldn't ride. As they left Washing Machine Mountain, Spike and Booger stopped howling long enough to see Otto make a strange gesture with his appendix at the carnies. This was reported to the clean-cut security men wearing blazers, flat tops, and hearing-aid style walkie-talkies who kept an eye on silly old Otto for the rest of their stay.

The Van Dueseldorfs then rode the Spine Biter, the Stomach Pumper, the Head Slammer, the Bone Eater, and even the Criminally Insane Chiropractor!

But even though the kids were bruised, sore, cranky and crying when they left, the very next day the were asking Otto over and over and over when they could go back to visit their favorite place on earth... Ptomaine World!

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Well, there you have it. A glimpse into just how twisted I can get when it comes to Mad-libs. For the sake of your own sanity, don't ever get me to do Mad-libs with you if I'm in a particularly bizarre mood.

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Well, the excitement for me this week will be Friday. I'm gonna go to Omaha to take another certification test, and hopefully talk to a guy about a job! Eeek!

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Well, that is about it for tonight. Be happy!

Laters!

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