Saturday, December 1, 2007

  Ok since I am finally back >.< I have decided to talk about meh day. Well let meh tell the ghosteh out there reading this O.o I really am sorta, pissed/depressed/bored/...tired..? And trips down memory lane are not helping >.< It is really hard for me to belive that the days make more and more space between my friends. I always am greeted by some odd stranger who i would never know well in 7th grade or 6th. Also the ones I knew but never talked to me are talking. You know? It is seriously pissing me off, cuz sometimes you know I want some time alone, but if I am sitting my myself some bastard (exucse meh language ghosteh)just comes up to me and asks meh if something is wrong. And then a whole f-ing group of people appear. I am serious, all I want is to escape into a forest of some sort and never return. You know even up to this point, I would even give up all my social, educational life and my dreams just to f-ing be away from this mess. I mean it always crosses my mind to escape some day in some unkown wilderness, and I would be fine! No worries, no mess, no f-ing depression...but you know with all of this new technology crap, I guess I am stuck here with people who call themselves friends and my mom. Geez, you know my life may seem like paradise for some orphan or mental kid, but really it would drive any person crazy. I mean imagine coming home one day your mom calls and says you have a 90 in German, and then the whole complaing of why you have ONLY a 90 in German. And then all my mom and my never present step-dad care about is my grades and education. They never once ask me about my other life, they just care about the number the teachers put next to a word (for u gohsteh, since u lost ur brain, i am talking about my grade). And also imagine coming home one day going on the comp and going on this game w/ chat and crap. You are waiting and waiting for you best friend to come online since you are scared for the guy that you talked with for more than half a year. But when finally the person comes on, guess what? It was his best friend telling everybody that the original guy comitted suicide. Yea, what is one soposed to react then??
I mean it sounds like i am complaining about my life to many, but then the last reasons that I get depressed are these...my friends. I have a couple of friends of who now-and-days I really want to hang out with, I am not going to say names. But you know what? Since I am always surrounded by annoying people I can never talk to them, because they always slip away, and I understand that, because I would do the same thing if I could. Well the reason ghosteh, is because when this happens, you know our bonds weaken. And they are really my only best friends in school (I only have 3 in total). And you know what? I really get depressed and left out because it was all my f-ing fault that all of this happened. This might explain cuts on my hand to you ghosteh. And you know I just want to come into school and drive a dagger through those people that are in my way, and that are eating away at the bonds that we once possessed.
And yes ghosteh, I am crying because of all this s*** that is happening in my 8th grade life. But you know since absolutly nobody is gonna read this, I decided to let meh feelings thrive. That is why from no on I am going to attempt to only befriend you ghosteh, since everyone else that I need is far away. But you know what? That is my fault, and I will never forget it.
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