Wednesday, July 20, 2005

   pics
Julie is spening the night again so my house is pretty crowded but its cool. :) I am working on the next edition of the fic and hope to finish it later today. Sorry it's taking a while, I've been busy. :)
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

   hi
Yoshi and Akusura are acting like idiots. They are running all around playing strange games, instead of watching the movies. We were suppose to be having a horror movie maranthon but instead those two would rather run around grabbing each other giggling. My parents are at some some stupid business party right now so we can do whatever we want. Julie is here and me and here are just kind of chilling and talking about stuff while watching the movies.
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HELL LEVEL 3 Raw score: 100%

There's a special place in Hell for you: the basement penthouse. You scored the nastiest possible on the Sexual Hell Test. You have no sexual restraint whatsoever. You'll take pleasure however you can get it, and my guess is you get it a lot. If for some reason you don't right now, you will soon, as people in your category only tend to spiral down ever deeper into the abyss of carnality and delicious sin. Congratulations. I, personally, think that this category is the best. Paradoxically, sexual liberation and indulgence can only bring you closer to purity and honesty. AVOID: all but level 3 hellions like yourself. You wouldn't want to ruin anyone, now would you?

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 97% on hellish

Link: The Sexual HELL Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

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Which Yu-Gi-Oh Yaoi Couple Will You Have Sex With? by depressed_dark_fairy
Name:
Fav Colour:
Couple:
Kinky Extras:	Honey,chocolate,cream you get the picture ^_~
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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Be a Yaoi Boi by sakiru
Name
Hair	Black - Short
Eyes	Brown - sexy
Clothing	Casual
Job	Politician
Personality	Angsty uke
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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Yaoi Fantasy by Stygian
Your Name
Favorite Bishounen I
Favorite Bishounen II
Location(s); Style(s)	Under the kitchen table; slow and sweet.
Topping(s)	Whipped cream.
Toy(s)	Self-mutilation?
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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   fun
I had tons of fun at Hershey Park on Monday! It was a blast. Julie and yoshi got along while together too. Julie asked me if it was okay if she helf my hand and I said yes, so we kind of attracted lots of stares between yoshi and his boyfriend and me and Julie. But we didn't care, it was funny lol. Julie is spending the night. It was her idea, sort of. She will share my bedroom and she will sleep in a sleeping bag. WHile at least that's what I told my Mom, but me and Julie already agreed that it won't do any harm for us to sleep together in my bed. But I'm not even going to try to conivence my Mom of that. Just because we share a bed doesn't mean we are going to have sex with each other, lol. Any way I'm kind of tired and Julie wants to cuddle with me so Good night everyone. :)
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Sunday, July 17, 2005

   Yoshi88
Yoshi88 is visiting me. He has never seen Amish people before and he is surprised by there simple lifestyles, he thinks it is annoying when we are trying to go somewhere and one of them pulls out in front of us in their carriage going really slow, lol. We are going to to Hershey Park tommorrow along with some of my friends(Julie will come) and yoshi's friend, Akusura. Akusuara doesn't speak very understandable english. I think yoshi will enjoy it. I will take him on the really big rollercoasters and listen to him scream, lol. yoshi will be holding hands with his friend Akusura, to scare the homophobes at the park, lol. Guess that's all that's going on.
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   Date
My date with Julia went really while. It was really fun. I kind of freaked out when we went on this big roller coaster though, lol. I talked to Julie about how I wanted to wait to have sex and she understood. She is so nice and sweet. I just always enjoy being with her. L8ers.
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Saturday, July 16, 2005

   fic

When Caine woke up, he turned his head to look at Katherine and saw that he was awake and staring, intensely at him. Caine yawned, sleepily and asked, “What time is it?”

“I think it’s sometime after 10pm,” Katherine said, staring at the clock on the far wall. “Caine, is there anything that I could say that would make you think less of me?”

“Huh? Why do you even have to ask that?! I will always love you Kat.” Caine said sitting up. He looked at Katherine’s face and grimaced. Two black eyes, a bruised cheek, and a cut and still a bit swollen lip. His poor pretty little face, Caine thought, feeling guilty.

“But what if I tell you something about my past and it…” Katherine said but his sentence was smothered as Caine wrapped his arm around Katherine’s back and pulled him to him for a kiss.

Katherine pulled away after a moment but Caine wrapped his arms around Katherine’s back and pulled to his chest. “I don’t care if you killed a thousand people, burned villages, killed babies. Kat, whatever you are ashamed of it will not change how I look at you or how much I love you. Whenever you want to talk, I will listen.” Caine said and held Katherine with a vise like grip for he was struggling to get away.

“But how do you know how you will react if you don’t know what I am going to tell you?!” Katherine exclaimed, and pressed his hands against Caine’s chest in an effort to get away from him. It did no good. Katherine’s 5 feet 1 inch, 97lbs form was no match for Caine’s 6feett 3inches 257lbs built physique. “Let me go! I changed my mind! I don’t want to talk about my past anymore. Let me go, Caine!” Katherine screamed.

“Ha! Now who’s the hypocrite?!!!” Caine exclaimed. “Kat, you had me trust you and now you won’t trust me?” Caine said. He tried to meet Kat’s gaze but he purposely avoided his.

“Let go of me! I don’t know what I should do. I want to trust you but I am afraid. I am afraid that since I can’t love myself then how will you love me once you know what happened. Let me the fuck go! Stop it Caine!” Katherine shouted, as Caine grabbed his arms so he couldn’t punch him.

“No, I will not let you go. This is the biggest load of horseshit ever! How the fuck can you expect this relationship to work with trust only one-sided?” Caine said. Caine grabbed both of Katherine’s thin wrist in one hand and held them tightly, while he placed the other hand on Katherine’s chin and tilted it up so he would be forced to look him in the eye. “You look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t trust me. Tell me that you want my trust but won’t give me yours. Say it, damnmit!” Caine screamed at him. Katherine didn’t say anything, just started crying again and struggled to get away. “So you can’t say it. Good. Now tell me, please whatever it is you are ashamed of. Please Kat.” Caine said gently.

Katherine glowered at Caine and said angrily, “You said I could talk if I want to. While I don’t want to talk! So get your fuckin hands off me!” Then, not being able to do anything else to rebel against Caine, he spat at his face. He immediately regretted it.

Caine let Katherine’s chin go and used the hand he had held it with to smack him across the face. He didn’t hit him very hard, just enough so he would know that he wasn’t putting up with any of his shit.

“Aaah!” Katherine yelped, his cheek stinging. “I…I…am sorry. That was really…I was…I’m acting like a little bitch. Sorry, Caine.” Katherine said, feeling like a complete jerk for spitting on Caine when he was only trying to help him. He leaned his head close to Caine’s and licked the spit off his cheek. Katherine sat in silence, Caine deciding to let him think things over. Katherine knew Caine was right, that he was being a hypocritical little bitch to demand his trust and then not give his in return. He had deserved the smack he got. Yet how could he tell Caine something that totally demeaned, shamed, and stripped away any dignity that he might have left and made him feel so…so… USED and DIRTY. He didn’t want Caine to think of him as a dirty used dishrag. But if he didn’t give Caine the trust he had given then he would really be a “little bitch”. “I was born in Raleigh ,NC. I…my Mommy left my Daddy and me when I was only two yrs old, so I don’t remember her. But my Daddy always told me that I look and act just like her. I guess that’s why he hated me so fuckin much. I looked like the women who betrayed him then left him. He couldn’t punish her so he punished ME.”

“My early childhood sucked. My Daddy considered me the second biggest disappointment of his life, the first being my Mommy. He would tell me that constantly along with saying that I was the reason Mommy left, that I was a ‘prissy little fagboy’, and ‘didn’t act like a man should’. ‘I will make a man out of you little boy,’ he would say then tell me to come lay across his knee. He would beat me with the same thick strap that his Daddy had used on him. ‘It will make you strong boy. You will learn how to take beatings, and learn it while, just like I did when I was a boy. My Daddy made a man out of me and I sure will make a man out of you, boy,’ he would yell at me while I screamed ‘Daddy please stop! Daddy, that hurts! Daddy please don’t!’ Of course my stupid little cries didn’t do anything but make him strap my ass harder. By the time I was six I didn’t bother asking him to stop, but just said ‘Yes sir’ at the right intervals.

“ He considered it his duty to give me a good strapping at least once a day and would strap me more if I backed talk him, or did anything that he considered prissy. Like playing with dolls. I use to love to play with dolls. I played with them in secret until about the age of eight before Daddy found out. He threw all my dolls away and strapped my ass until it bleed. When I cried and asked him, ‘Daddy why did you throw away my dolls? I liked playing with them, Daddy. My friend Marcy gave them to me…’ he backhanded me across the face and I fell to the floor. Then he kicked me in the stomach until I puked. Then he strapped my ass again for puking on the rug. ‘No son of mine is going to be a faggot playing with dolls! Dolls are for little girls in dresses and you are no fuckin little girl!” After that my Daddy wouldn’t let me play with Marcy any more.

“I knew I was gay from the age of 8, and I am pretty sure my Daddy knew too. He started beating me more often then. I didn’t have any friends at school, the few friends I made I wasn’t allowed to play with so they stopped bothering with me. The other boys at school branded me as a fag from day one so I was always a favorite target for harassment. One day when I was 10 and in 5th grade some boys from my class jumped me after school. They beat the crap out of me. I tried to get away and fight back but I was always so much smaller then the other kids. I was 3 ft 11in, the smallest person in my grade, boy or girl. I walked home from school that day crying the whole way. When I got home from school my Daddy asked me what happen. When I told him he was furious. But not at the boys who kicked my ass, he was pissed at me instead. He screamed at me, while he strapped my ass. ‘You little dumbfuck! How could you let those boys beat the crap out of you without even putting up a fight or landing a good punch?!!’ ‘But Daddy,’ I wailed, ‘I did try to fight back, it’s just I’m so small and weak and…’ ‘You are back talking me!’ my Daddy yelled at me and strapped me harder.

“Life sucked but it was all I knew so I just accepted it. It went on like this until my 13th birthday on Sept 13. My Daddy got me a raccoon hat for my birthday then telling me, ‘I killed it, skinned it, and sewed it together myself. You can wear it in the winter hunts. You need to wear men clothes, not that prissy shit you’ve been buying from Limited Too.’ It was all I could do not to puke, upon seeing the poor animal. I couldn’t imagine wearing it. I hated hunting and would refuse to shot anything when he would take me. He’d strap me for that of course. Anyway, I smiled and told him thanks, cause if I didn’t he’d strap me then and there.

“Then he looked at me, with a look I had never seen before. It scared me and I knew that he was going to do something really, really bad to me. ‘Son, you are 13. You are on the verge of puberty; you are becoming a man. And with becoming a man there are new lessons that I must teach you.’ He told me. I was just wondering what the fuck he was talking about when he leaned down, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me full on the mouth.”

“I was so fuckin surprised I didn’t even resist at first. But when the kiss continued and his hands moved down my waist to grab my ass, I instinctively pulled my head away from the kiss, and tried to step backwards. ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING DADDY?!!!!’ I screamed at him getting more alarmed with every passing second.

He didn’t say anything to me, but I felt his hands wrap around my skinny waist again and clench it strongly. I was scared; really fuckin scared. He was being really weird and he was going to do something to me and I was powerless to stop whatever it was that he was gonna do. ‘Shut the fuck up, boy!’ he yelled at me and hoisted me off my feet, and threw me over his shoulder. ‘I will teach you how to take it like a man!’ he said to me as he carried me to his bedroom. I was horrified but struggling never crossed my mind. He was 6ft and 300lbs; I was 4ft 6in and weighed, 65lbs. It would have been useless and it would only make whatever he was going to do to me worst, I reasoned. Had I known what he was going to do to me in the bedroom, I probably would have put up a fight.

“He threw me down onto his bed and closed and locked the door. Then, to my great confusion, he took off his shirt and pulled down his camouflage overalls, leaving only his dirt stained white briefs. ‘What are you doing Daddy? Why did you take off your clothes?’ I asked, with the naïve innocence of childhood. I still hadn’t realized what he intended to do to me. He took off his briefs and approached the bed where I sat, shaking in fear.

‘Don’t be afraid Katherine; this will be good for you. It will make you strong.’ He told me as he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. ‘Wha…NO! No Daddy don’t!’ I screamed as he undid the button and zipper of my tight blue jeans. His hand still held my wrist, so I couldn’t get off the bed, but I did manage to scoot away from him. He laughed at my efforts and used me pulling away to help him yank down my pants. ‘Please stop, Daddy. Please let go of me…’ I screamed in shock when I felt his free hand close around my penis through the thin cloth of the red and pink panties I wore. I looked at him, with naked terror in my eyes and for the first time it occurred to me what he was doing. ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ I shrieked at him and kicked him in the face and tried to pull my wrist out of his grasp. But he held on tight and wouldn’t let go.

‘You stupid little bitch’ he yelled and pushed me to the mattress and sat on top of me, knocking the air out of me and making it hard to breathe, much less get free. ‘I feed you, clothe you, put a roof over your head and this is how you repay me? By kicking my in the face when I try to finally claim my just reward! You are just like that bitch who gave birth to you!’ he thundered at me. Then he smacked me across the face then got his fat ass off of me. I immediately jumped off the bed, but he grabbed me by the panties and pulled me back into the bed. ‘Let go of me please, Daddy,’ I begged him, trying to hold back tears. ‘Stop complaining I ain’t doing anything worse to you then the rest of the world would do. If you can’t toughen up and take it like a man then I will strap your ass raw, ya understand?!’ he snapped at me. ‘Ye…ye…yes sir.’ I said, beginning to sob. I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I felt his rough hands pull off my panties and shirt. I wanted so much to believe I was dreaming, that this was just a nightmare and I would wake up from it soon. But as I felt his hands grab my thin thighs and pull me towards him, I knew that this was way worse then any nightmare. ‘Open you eyes, boy!’ he commanded me. When I didn’t he smacked my naked ass, one, two, three, four, five, six, times in quick succession. I yelped in pain and opened my eyes.. ‘Good boy. Now keep them open or you will get strapped afterwards’.

“He grinned eagerly at me, and pushed my thighs up and back towards my head. Then he…he…” Katherine stopped and took a deep breath, remembering himself of the promise Caine had made to love him no matter what. “I felt his penis shoved into me and I shrieked and gasped at the unwanted and alien sensation. ‘Daddy, stop! Daddy…ah…owww!’ I cried as he began thrust into me hard. Oh, my god? I thought. My Daddy is fucking me ! ‘No! Oww…Daddy…ah…don’t! Stop. Daddy, stop!’ But he didn’t. He just shoved his humongous dick into me harder, and grunted in pleasure.

“ I closed my eyes, trying to pretend I wasn’t here, that this wasn’t happening, that I wasn’t losing my virginity to my Daddy. But I opened them and screamed when I felt his mouth over my nipple. ‘NO! Get away from me!’ I hollered, angrily. I punched him in the face, and hurt my hand doing so. It didn’t do a damn thing to him other then make him bite my nipple. ‘Ouch! Stop, please! Oww! Don’t….aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!’ I shrieked as he came in me and had to restrain myself from puking all over the place. ‘Agggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh’ he sighed in pleasure and pulled his penis out of me."

"He then sat on me again and placed his penis in front of my mouth. ‘Suck it son.’ He commanded fiercely. ‘Go fuck yourself, you fatfuck, pedophile!’ I retorted angrily. I immediately regretted it. I felt his hand wrap around my penis and squeeze hard. ‘Oooooooooooowwwwwwwwww!’ I cried in pain my mouth open wide. He took advantage of that and shoved his penis into my mouth. ‘Now you are gonna suck it and you are gonna like it. And if I even think you are going to bite me, I’ll crush your tiny little dick in my hand then strap you.’ I had no choice, I didn’t want to be hurt anymore, and I couldn’t get away. So trying not to gag I began sucking it. ‘Slid your mouth up and down its length, boy,’ he instructed me and delivered a sharp smack on my ass. I did so, to scared to think about resisting. ‘Yes, that’s it. Aaaaahhhhh’ he sighed. ‘Good boy. You learn quick.’ He told me. ‘Ah…ah…ah…ah…aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!’ he yelled as he came in my mouth. I spit his penis out right away, turned my head, and threw up on the mattress. The thought of my swallowing my own Daddy’s cum was too much for me."

"He got off of me then and left the bedroom saying, ‘If you move from that bed, boy you will be very sorry!” He came back, to my great horror, with the strap and a belt. ‘Nice boys swallow!!’ he yelled at me. I got off the bed and frantically looked around for a way to escape, but there was none. He was in between the door and me and there were no windows. Shit, I had thought. He sat down on the end of the bed, away from where I had vomited, and glared at me. ‘Get your little ass over here and lay across my lap right now or it will be worse for ya!!’ he screamed at me."

“ ‘Daddy please don’t strap me. I am sorry I puked. I won’t do it again…’ I said trying to save myself. It did no good. He stalked across the bedroom where I was, smacked me so hard my ears rung, and I lost me balanced and fell against the wall. ‘Daddy please don’t hurt me!’ I whimpered to him. He picked me up and carried me to the bed where he threw me across his knees. ‘Daddy please don’t strap me. I’m really sorry. I’ll be a good boy.’ I begged, but he raised his arm back, the strap and belt held together to hit at the same time and brought it back down.”

“He delivered on his promise to strap me raw and until I bleed. And he didn’t just settle for my behind either. He strapped the back of my thighs, the back of my legs, and the back of my arms and back. Then he turned me over and strapped the front of my legs, the front of my thighs, the front of my arms and then my chest. It was the worse strapping I ever had. I screamed bloody murder."

“Afterwards he put his clothes back on and gave me mine. Then he left for work at the factory. I just lay on the bed where he left me crying and crying. I was in pain all over my body, by penis sore from his squeeze earlier, my asshole hurt from his giant penis penetrating my little ass, and the rest of me tender and bloody from the strapping."

“Sometime later I took my clothes and left his room. I went into our tiny little bathroom, and turned on the shower. I put it to hot and got in, screaming in pain as the water washed over my beaten body. Yet I stayed in and covered myself with soap. Then washed off. I did this again and again and again, but still I didn’t feel clean. I felt DIRTY, so fucking DIRTY. And no matter how…how…many times…I…I….washed myself off, I still felt like a dirty used bitch. I…I…” Katherine could keep his composure no longer and collapsed against Caine’s chest sobbing, shaking, and feeling sick to his stomach. “Do…do…do you…the…think…I…am…dir…dirty…Caine?” Katherine asked, feeling like someone’s trash.

“NO! Katherine, I love you. You are my beautiful angel. You are everything. I would never be able to think of you like that. “ Caine said kissing the top of Katherine’s head.

“Angels don’t get fucked by the fat redneck Daddy!” Katherine screamed into Caine’s chest."

“Katherine that sick fuck Father of yours was the dirty trash. Not you” Caine said, starting to cry again as while..

“Do you know how it feels to have lost your virginity to your Daddy?! Do you know who fuckin ashamed I feel?! He fucked me every damn day from age 13 until I turned 18 and left the house. On my 18th birthday there was almost a whole school year before me. There was no fuckin way I was going to stay with my Daddy for all those months just so I could graduate. So I dropped out of high school. I got crappy grades anyway and all the homophobic macho men beat the shit out of me every chance they got because I was a was part of the dance team and was a ‘flaming faggot’. I was 18, an adult; so I no longer belonged to the sick bastard I call Daddy.

I left in the middle of the night and hitch hiked up the highway to Henderson, NC. I didn’t have any money so I had to stop there and try to make some money so I could eat. I gave a couple of blowjobs, got $65 for it, bought some lunch then hitch hiked out of there. I ended up in Williamsburg, VA."

“ I saw an add for a gay strip club and decided to ask if they needed any dancers. They were skeptical to say the least. I was a half starved, abused, kid, with no address, and nothing but my book bag and the clothes on my back. But once they saw me dance they decided to give me a chance. The manager of the club,Jose, was a complete asshole. He let me stay in the club’s storage closet at night until I could afford a place of my own, as long as I ‘helped clean the place up’. Bullshit! What he really did was make me have sex with him. When I asked for so much as a five in return, he’d say ‘you get a place to crash. That’s your payment kid. Don’t like being fucked, then quit and live on the streets. Otherwise shut the fuck up and take it like a man’."

“They paid me half of what they paid the other dancers, and made me work longer then anyone else. When I complained I was told, ‘You are a stupid kid, who doesn’t have the experience to deserve higher pay. If you don’t like how we do things here you can always quit. I’m sure there are plenty of men willing to pay for a cute little boy like you. Hahaha!’ As it was there were indeed plenty of men willing to pay for me. I couldn’t afford to ever get a place with the salary from the club so I was a prostitute on my off time."

“With the added income I bought a craphole tiny apartment and was able to move out and not have to be fucked by that fucker Jose anymore. But the rent was an added stress. I was always short of cash and my landlord was constantly threatening to kick me out for being behind on the rent. I had actually been kicked out and had to move back into the club, much to Jose’s delight. He had finger fucked me back stage the night I came to that club and saw me dance. And of course the rest is we fell in love and you rescued me from that slave driving, using bitch, Jose, and took me back to Boston with you. End of story. Now you know.” Katherine said and clung to Caine’s chest as he wept."

“I…shit, Kat. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for getting angry with you and hurting you. Fuck…I am SO sorry, angelboy.” Caine said holding him tight and weeping. We are both so fucked up. Two kids ruined and scared just trying to learn how to live, he reflected. Goddamnit, life is sooooo fucked up!!
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