Sunday, September 9, 2007

Wow!

It's been so long! Sorry, my life has been flashing by faster then I can handle at the moment. After school started I've gotten myself busy doing as many things as possible without realizing that I really don't have time for it all... I've been having fun, but it's all becoming a bit too much. The past two weeks I've been getting home by, at the earliest, 10:30 and then staying up 'till 11-1 doing homework and getting ready for the next day's events. My friends are also having problems which I've been helping and thus there is more stress I add to my day, although I'm happy to help I think I need some too...x.x Lately I've had so much to deal with I don't even have time to breakdown or cool off so when I do have those moments, it's always a bit more then I expect. School has been great though and I love all the activities I'm in. Guard is really exciting this year. We have our issues with people getting along or attendance, but our show is going to be amazing! I'm also in a few art classes and am excited to see what come out by the end of the semester. I've already got a few ideas. (The rest will just be crap, so skip!^^) I'm also stressed about having time for certain people. When I spend my time with my friends my boyfriend gets sad and alone because he has no one else. And when I spend time with him my friends get all irritated and think I'm shunning them or that he's taking me away from them. I only get to see my boyfriend once a week if I'm lucky and yes maybe we go to a place with a group, but it's not the same because you can't just talk about anything or cuddle with him because once you do everyone else gets offended and thinks your going to sneak off to a back room and have sex or something stupid and out of proportion. And there are people in my group that get all lonely when they see a couple near by and then get sad and leave or just ruin the mood of the entire group. And when I actually can get everyone to get along or can get my boyfriend to want a bit less PDA it only last for a short time before someone gets left out or annoyed and leaves, starting a chain reaction of bad moods. Then there is the fact that our group is very obnoxious. I love everyone in our group, but when they're all together they get so loud and uncontrollable I feel like I'm in a room with a ton of screaming 5 year olds that have no concept of a real conversation or a level of maturity what so ever. It gets really old sometimes and I just want to get away after a certain point. It just gets annoying and I can't fake the fact that I'm sick of it anymore without getting even more buildup and once I am free I want to explode! All the people in my group are really awesome in a group of 2 or 3, but when they are all together it's just tiering. I feel like I can't have a really conversation and I'm stuck in a room where no one really cares. And maybe it's me and I'm just setting myself up for such a feeling. And in doing so it makes me the one who makes all this stupid stuff happen, but it just feels so fake when I'm there...I donno...there's just something wrong and I donno how to fix it. It's getting to a bad level and I have no idea how to stop and realize what I need to do. I'm gonna stop here for now... (end of crap) Sorry for the weird post today, I'm just really out of it and my body/mind is a bit too stressed. I hope you've all been doing well and I'm still going to try and post more. Kokutan

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